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new relationship
desafina623 posted:
So I've just been getting back into the dating world, pretty scary. Met a really great guy who I like a lot. I just recently told him that I have herpes. It was very nerve wracking but he seemed to handle it well and said it was something that we could get through. Well today he tells me that he has a few requests and to please not be offended. If he touches my genital area once we're done he wants to wash his hands and then we can continue. When we get physical he wants me to "lay on a towel to eliminate it possibly getting on his bed." His words exactly. He will shower after. He sometimes has issues with condoms so we may have to find other ways to fulfill each other's needs. I have reread his request and I can't help but cry. I totally understand where he's coming from but these request make me feel like crap. I told him I would have to think about it bc I feel like this would break me down mentally and emotionally. I really like him, he really is a great guy and understandably wants to protect himself. I'm just not sure if this is something I can handle or if I even want to. As much as I like him I like myself more. I need to take care of my well being too. Am I over reacting?
deamer09 responded:
I think you might be over reacting his demands aren't that bad considering the risk his taking. Honestly I wish I could find someone who is willing to be with me knowing I have herpes. I have a bf who I've been avoiding just because I know he wont understand and I love him and I don't want toy let him go but I don't want to expose him You should feel bless that you were able to do the 1st step: of being able to tell someone "hey I have this" trust me there are many like me that cant even imagine telling anyone let alone someone you like. I wish I had that type of courage I hope the best for you and your relationship.
lightningguy responded:
That's really a difficult situation. Ultimately, of course, you're the only one who can determine what is going to be right for you, but I think it's great that both of you are communicating about this. If, in the long run, his reaction, as understandable as it is, is going to create self-esteem issues for you and cause you to feel uncomfortable in the relationship and with yourself, then you have to decide if that is more important than the good qualities that you mention about him. Trust yourself; if you weigh all the pros and cons, you will make the decision that's right for you. Good luck!
desafina623 replied to lightningguy's response:
Thank you for your response. These request definitely hit me kinda hard partly bc I just wasn't expecting them and I already wasn't having a great day plus we've already slept together. After having some time to think about them I think the only one that I really have an issue with is him touching me and then in the middle of messing around going to wash his hands. I feel for now that's something we might just put off for awhile. Everything else i feel like I can handle and I've made a dr appt to get a better insight on how to protect him and just to make sure he and I both have the right information. Thanks again
emilybom responded:
I think your boy friend is over reacting. Did you show any signs of Herpes? If he still doesn't understand better take a break for a while and think about your relationship. If I may please try to meet people with this existing condition and make friends then you will feel confident. Try this site

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