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She's Infected - I'm Not. How can I make Love to Her?
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randy51 posted:
She has been diagnosed with HSV-2. We're both over 50, both divorced and were good friends many years ago in HS. We recently reconnected, via social media and phone, and hit it off very nicely. As our conversations progressed there came a point when she had to tell me something - and she told me about her herpes. She's had it for 10+ years and only one break out, right after contracting it from her hubby. She has been abstinent since. I believe she doesn't want to be anymore, and I, after much reading and research and soul searching, and living alone for the past 15 years - have determined that if we hit it off as well when we meet in October, as we have on social media, then I am willing to take the plunge to be with her.


I still have so many unanswered questions and ask for any and all help from those of you with first hand knowledge. I know there are no guarantees and no absolutes - so I'll certainly be happy with percentages and odds and "best chances".


I have never been a fan of using rubbers, but for her (and me), I'll do so and we'll make it enjoyable. I have read that silicone rubbers are less irritating to the vagina than latex, it this true?


I am a very big fan of performing orally on a woman, and will feel devastated if I can't with her. I've read a brief reference made to using a rubber dam (like a dental dam) for oral sex - but there weren't any specifics. Does anyone know of any creams, or lotions, or medications that can offer any degree of protection while performing oral sex? Can anyone provide more specifics about this dam method, or refer me to a link or reference?


She has not had any break-outs in 10+ years so she doesn't know what may 'trigger' one. Can anyone share any information on this or direct me to a reference? I have asked her if she masturbates and she does, but not with any toys nor anything intrusive.


I keep reading references made to body fluids - but cannot find an in depth definition nor description of body fluids. Can she pass the HSV-2 virus by kissing, kissing passionately and vigorously and probably exchanging spittle? (before there is any contact with her vagina, orally, of course) (and assuming/knowing that she is not having an active out break).


I read a comment that an infected wife (HSV-2) had unprotected sex with her husband for 23 years and he never got infected - can that be true, possible?


I also read a prologue, or epilogue, from a list manager here on WebMD who referred to HSV as nothing more than an occasional skin irritation. That it is incurable and lasts a lifetime (true, true), and that no one has ever died from it - true? (probably aside from someone suffering mental anguish and despair, or shame {for cheating} and maybe committing suicide.)


I know I have expressed a lot of stuff here, and I thank you, everyone, who has taken the time to read it. As a newbie to HSV and the realities of this contagion, I see a serious need for open and frank discussions to help educate people, as well as ourselves. Some people write about their problems with vagueness and assume others know what their experiencing and describing, but I for one, have no idea because of their vagueness, and my own inexperience and lack of knowledge.


Thank you again. Any replies and help will be greatly appreciated and everything will be taken seriously and to heart.
Reply
 
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georgiagail responded:
"I have never been a fan of using rubbers, but for her (and me), I'll do so and we'll make it enjoyable. I have read that silicone rubbers are less irritating to the vagina than latex, it this true?"

Yes; they can be.

" Does anyone know of any creams, or lotions, or medications that can offer any degree of protection while performing oral sex? "

There are none.

"Can anyone provide more specifics about this dam method, or refer me to a link or reference?"

A "google" search on "dental dams" will provide you information. In a pinch couples have used something a simple as a piece of Saran wrap.


I"Can she pass the HSV-2 virus by kissing, kissing passionately and vigorously and probably exchanging spittle? (before there is any contact with her vagina, orally, of course) (and assuming/knowing that she is not having an active out break)."

If the virus is located in her genitals, kissing her on her mouth or other parts of her body (even passionately) will not transmit this virus to you. It is only located in one area of her body.

"I read a comment that an infected wife (HSV-2) had unprotected sex with her husband for 23 years and he never got infected - can that be true, possible?"

Yes.

"I also read a prologue, or epilogue, from a list manager here on WebMD who referred to HSV as nothing more than an occasional skin irritation. That it is incurable and lasts a lifetime (true, true), and that no one has ever died from it - true? (probably aside from someone suffering mental anguish and despair, or shame {for cheating} and maybe committing suicide.)"

If you've ever had a "cold sore" orally, then you've been infected with HSV1 (which most adults carry) and this would be the same outbreak. It's likely more uncomfortable in the genital area since we wear clothes there and they can rub the lesions.

And yes, no one ever died from herpes.

Gail


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