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LESBIAN WITH HERPES
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REGGAELADY posted:
I RECENTLY FOUND OUT THAT I HAVE HSV-1 & 2. I AM DATING AND WOULD LIKE TO EVENTUALLY HAVE SEX WITH MY PARTNER. BUT I AM UNSURE OF HOW SAFE THIS WILL BE. WE HAVE DISCUSSED IT & DECIDED NOT TO BECOME INTIMATE UNTIL WE KNOW ALL THE FACTS. WHERE CAN I GO TO GET EDUCATED ON THIS AS WELL AS HOW CAN WE HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP IF WE CAN'T EVEN JUST KISS. I'VE HEARD OF DENTAL DAM, ARE THERE ANY OTHER ALTERNATIVES. CAN SHE TAKE A MEDICINE TO PREVENT TRANSMISSION? SHOULD I TAKE MEDICATION EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOT EVER HAD ANY SYMPTOMS? IS IT POSSIBLE FOR HER TO HAVE SYMPTOMS IF IT HAS BEEN SPREAD TO HER?

WISHING FOR A CURE SOON
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betsyo1967 responded:
How were you diagnosed as having hsv? was it a blood test? If so make sure you get the results from your clinic and post them here so that we can confirm that you were properly tested. All we need to see is the actual results - ie hsv1 igg 5.5 and hsv2 igg 3.1 or whatever they are.

Has your partner been tested yet to know her status?

The herpes handbook ( link in my signature ) is a terrific free resource to start learning the basics about genital herpes. Terri has also written a book you can buy too - the good news about the bad news - it's under $15. It's totally up to you and your partner how you want to treat this. Unfortunately we don't have good studies about transmission of hsv2 in lesbian couples. We pretty much just assume that what works in heterosexual couples will work in gays and lesbians. Once you know your partner's herpes status, you'll better be able to decide how you want to proceed. You can take daily suppressive therapy to lower her risk overall of contracting hsv2 from you.
 
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REGGAELADY responded:
my partner is negative for both hsv 1 & 2.

my results are: hsv 1 igg 1.37 hsv 2 igg >5.00

what about transmission of hsv 1, is it ok to kiss even if there are no symptoms present? i am just trying to get as much info as possible
 
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betsyo1967 responded:
It's important to keep in mind that you'll always be more likely NOT to transmit your herpes than you will be to pass it on. You aren't a walking biohazzard who is contagious 24/7/365.

I recommend that you and your partner talk about you taking daily suppressive therapy. We know it helps to reduce shedding and transmission of hsv2 genitally and we assume that it is helpful with hsv1 orally ( we don't have studies on it to know it for sure ). To me, anything you can do is helpful and since you have both types of herpes and your partner has been tested and found to have neither - putting the odds in her favor even more is a good thing. It's up to the two of you if you want to utilize barrier protection for oral sex - both giving and receiving. You can buy dental dams ( which I think are thick ) or you can buy flavored condoms, cut them open and lay them over the genital area to perform oral sex on ( the flavored ones just help with the taste a bit - they also make flavored lubes to help too ). You can also use non-microwaveable plastic wrap but I haven't been able to find that in a store in quite sometime now - everything is microwave safe which is too porous to stop the virus from penetrating it. It's your choice though - you don't have to use barrier protection unless you want to.

If you like to use sex toys, either have 2 separate toys - one for each of you - and wash them after you use them or put a condom on the toy and change it in between switching from using it on you and then on her. Herpes virus is easily killed with soap and water so as long as they are washed after use, the next time you can switch up who gets what. Of course follow the usual cleansing and care for sex toys and know when it's time to discard them and buy new ones.

as far as kissing, just avoiding kissing anytime you have any signs of a cold sore does go a long way. Statistically 1 out of every 2-3 adults in the US alone have hsv1 orally so odds are that you are not the first person who's been with who has hsv1 orally so try not to make it something you both fear - she's seen for herself that the odds are in her favor.
 
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REGGAELADY responded:
thanks so much for all your advice
 
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REGGAELADY responded:
do the numbers from the test scores tell how long you've had the virus?
 
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jennieann32 responded:
No they do not. It's just a positive/negative result. Some positives are low positives and need to be confirmed with a second test.
 
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PleaseLouise responded:
Don't worry. you can have a normal relationship, you just have to be a little more aware of your body. People with oral herpes do not go the rest of their life never kissing again! or putting dental damns on before they do.

Herpes is a scary word. but it's just a word. Cold sores are herpes. Do people feel they need to disclose cold sores the same way they do Gentital herpes? NO! But they should. The risk is the same, especially in oral sex. In fact, most new cases of genital herpes are caused by oral herpes during oral sex. Plus, herpes is really a mild thing. It affects people less than the common cold.

It's my understanding that lesbian transmission is way less likely than hetero. I wouldn't worry too much. Just maybe get some more info on supressive thereapy. how often are your outbreaks? Theres lots of factors to consider,


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