Sexually Transmitted Diseases Community

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It is so nice to hear people who have sucessful and positive outcomes, i found out last month that i had contracted it and my boyfriend who i hadnt had long and hadnt slept with left me as he says he can not deal with it, he does have a health condition and he is really worried it will trigger problems with his kidney condition. It has not only been hard enough dealing with this but having to lose someone who came into my life and was perfect for me. I am really struggling to deal with losing him and believe that this isnt going to affect all my future relationships

chiltongirl Start your own post so we can help you please. This may not have to be the end of your relationship. Let us also help you if it is.

Well, I talked to my (former) partner at last this weekend, and it went way better than I expected. As other people have said, the hardest part was getting the words out.

I tried not to cry, but I couldn't help it. Still, he took the news very calmly and was pretty matter-of-fact about it. Many thanks to the people who have suggested that you present facts & statistics and avoid the word "incurable"!

Now that I've told him, I feel much better. I could never have forgiven myself if he'd given it to someone else between the time I found out & when I told him. This way, he knows he should be careful. Amazingly, he still wants me to be with him.

It gives me hope for the day when I'll have to tell a new partner. This was much easier in some ways because we were together for years and he wasn't going to just stop loving me. I know I'll always be scared to have "the conversation," but everything is hardest to do the first time.

Thanks to everyone for the moral support.

Thanks for coming back and telling us and do not be a stranger we need people like you to contribute tp the board. It was your idea to start a post like this and as you can see it has been a huge success. I use his post quite often on this board and if someone on Terri warren's board (I think I used it today on Terri's board) if someone has a question about telling a partner. So keep up the great work lonelygirl2009

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I found out I had genital HSV-1 after getting out of a bad, abusive relationship. Throughout the abusive relationship I'd been really missing my ex, and we had parted ways before I met the guy who infected me. My ex and I had reconnected and started talking again around the time I found out I had genital herpes, and it seemed like we were going to get back together. I decided I had to tell him I had this disease before things could progress--I loved him and it wouldn't be fair to withhold information like that. So I summoned up the nerve, called him on the phone, and broke down in tears while telling him. I had found out about my diagnosis pretty recently so the emotional pain of contracting herpes was still very fresh. I poured out all my hopes and fears and embarrassment regarding herpes and was sure he was going to say he couldn't be with me. Instead he chuckled and said, "Now why would you think a little thing like herpes would be able to push us apart? I love you so much, and I want to support you through this. Besides, I'm not afraid of a little risk-taking " (we are both avid backcountry snowboarders). He assured me that he would stick by my side through it all. The most important thing he said was this, and I want to share it with everyone on this site:

"Just because you have herpes doesn't mean you are any different from the person I fell in love with. You aren't any less funny, or charming, or adventurous, or kind. You are still YOU, whether or not you have herpes. You are even more beautiful to me because of the courage I have seen you summon in facing this. If anything, herpes has made you stronger, more aware, more thankful for your health and the health of those around you. Don't ever EVER think that herpes has made you a bad person. You are still amazing, incredible YOU!"

We have been together for 3 years now, and I recently had an outbreak. He ran me baths and rubbed my shoulders and snuggled with me while I waited for it to clear up. The outbreak sucked, but it reassured me that I have a partner who loves me & cares for me regardless of herpes.

Peace & Love to All xoxox

Ok. My soon to be hubby is definitely not as well with words as yours. His message was basically the same thing so I had to swoon all over again when I read what you guy said. Awesome.

That is really amazing and thank you for sharing it on here bc it gives ppl like me, who hasn't been w/ ANYONE since I found out, for the fear of them being totally disgusted, the courage to keep having faith!

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I had my First "tell" yesterday. Even though we had already decided we wouldn't work as a dating couple and were happier just being good friends I still felt I should tell him anyway. You never know when that could turn back around. It was hard, I stumbled around for about 15 seconds..... and then I just said it. There it was. It was out there, it was done, I had said it out loud! He was caught off guard by it for sure but, he came right back with questions and concerns for me. He's a great man. He keeps calling me to make me laugh, he could tell it was freaking me out to say it. It still feels strange knowing that someone other than your doctor knows..... and you guys.

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Just put this post up and didn't realize this one. Btw, thanks Jennieann32.....

well, this was all I was worried about...will I ever find anyone with me having this disease, my sex life is over, blah, blah, blah! I have to say and this is especially to jennie on here that has a beautiful story and told me not to jump to conclusions. Well Jennie, you were right. I told him this weekend and he was PERFECT! He is not a judgemental man what so ever and was more informed then I was about herpes. I started to think, does he have it, lol?? He is waay to comfortable with this but I can only hope that he is as honest with me as I was with him. I don't know if this guy is the ONE but he sure is one of the best I've ever met. I'm smitten and we are REALLY into each other!! So, to all the people on here that are scared about telling someone, I truly understand how you feel. You never know how someone will respond about you having herpes but it feels good to tell the truth regardless of the outcome.

You're welcome. It's been a while since I've been on here so I'm a little behind on things but I'm glad that you had a good experience.

Thank you for sharing your stories. These are very encouraging, but I'm still convinced that it will only work if the person has known you for a long time, and not in a new relationship. Maybe it's because it's still very new for me and I've already had to have the talk. Thankfully the guy said he respected me for telling him and admired my courage, but that essentially we were strangers (had been dating 1 month) and it was too much of a risk to take if we didn't work out in the end. He did make sense!

I won't lose hope though thanks to your stories