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just found out and very confused
mnd64 posted:
Hi I am 45 and have been married for 24years. Just found out that I have genital herpes. My obgyn says that it doesn't mean that my husband has been unfaithful. Is that true or is she just trying to make me feel better? I am very scared so please help
69 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedHi I am 45 and have been married for 24years. Just found out that I have genital herpes. My obgyn says that it doesn't mean that my husband has been unfaithful. Is that true or is she just trying to make me feel better? I am very scared so please help
deluxehd responded:
Hi mnd64,
From what I have read, if your husband had a cold sore (type 1) and performed oral sex on you - you could develop genital herpes (type 2). I believe this is how I received genital herpes. For me, it was from a boyfriend. And when the dr told me; I felt ashamed, dirty and angry.
Do some research on WebMD to gather more information. Hope you find your answers.
Debbie
From what I have read, if your husband had a cold sore (type 1) and performed oral sex on you - you could develop genital herpes (type 2). I believe this is how I received genital herpes. For me, it was from a boyfriend. And when the dr told me; I felt ashamed, dirty and angry.
Do some research on WebMD to gather more information. Hope you find your answers.
Debbie
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedHi mnd64,<br /> <br />From what I have read, if your husband had a cold sore (type 1) and performed oral sex on you - you could develop genital herpes (type 2). I believe this is how I received genital herpes. For me, it was from a boyfriend. And when the dr told me; I felt ashamed, dirty and angry. <br /> <br />Do some research on WebMD to gather more information. Hope you find your answers.<br />Debbie
Thanks for your quick response. My husband does have cold sores all the time, and he did perform oral sex just before his outbreak. I also feel dirty and angry and he feels awful. Together we will get through this and this website has been great.
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedThanks for your quick response. My husband does have cold sores all the time, and he did perform oral sex just before his outbreak. I also feel dirty and angry and he feels awful. Together we will get through this and this website has been great.
Terri Warren, RN, ANP responded:
Did she tell you what type of genital herpes you have, HSV 1 or HSV 2? You can definitely get HSV 1 by receiving oral sex from someone who has cold sore virus, either when they do or don't have a cold sore. Your OB is correct about that. Even if you have HSV 2, it could be that either of your have been infected for a long time, if, in your lifetime, you have had other partners. Lots of explanations. But you need to know what type you have to help you sort this out. No need to feel dirty, and you'll get past that. This is a very common infection indeed.
Terri
Terri
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedDid she tell you what type of genital herpes you have, HSV 1 or HSV 2? You can definitely get HSV 1 by receiving oral sex from someone who has cold sore virus, either when they do or don't have a cold sore. Your OB is correct about that. Even if you have HSV 2, it could be that either of your have been infected for a long time, if, in your lifetime, you have had other partners. Lots of explanations. But you need to know what type you have to help you sort this out. No need to feel dirty, and you'll get past that. This is a very common infection indeed.<br /><br />Terri
mnd64 replied to Terri Warren, RN, ANP's response:
Thank you and I will get further testing. When I told my primary, he told me I need to have a talk with husband. He said it was a 2% chance that I can get it that way. She did a swab, will that give me the results or do I need a blood test? Thanks again. Just trying to deal with all this.
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedThank you and I will get further testing. When I told my primary, he told me I need to have a talk with husband. He said it was a 2% chance that I can get it that way. She did a swab, will that give me the results or do I need a blood test? Thanks again. Just trying to deal with all this.
The swab will tell you what type you have if it is positive, but only if she requested that. You should call and be certain she did request typing. If your swab test is positive and typed, you don't need an antibody test for that. Your primary care doc was wrong about transmission to the genital area of HSV 1, it is way more common than 2%, though I guess I"m not sure what he means by 2%, actually.
Terri
Terri
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedThe swab will tell you what type you have if it is positive, but only if she requested that. You should call and be certain she did request typing. If your swab test is positive and typed, you don't need an antibody test for that. Your primary care doc was wrong about transmission to the genital area of HSV 1, it is way more common than 2%, though I guess I"m not sure what he means by 2%, actually.<br /><br />Terri
mnd64 replied to Terri Warren, RN, ANP's response:
Terri, you have been so very helpful. My mind was going in places it shouldn't after 24yrs of a good marriage. My husband and I will deal with this and I will make sure I find out what type I have. This web site has been so great. Lots of info and I really feel like I can deal with this diagnosis better.
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedTerri, you have been so very helpful. My mind was going in places it shouldn't after 24yrs of a good marriage. My husband and I will deal with this and I will make sure I find out what type I have. This web site has been so great. Lots of info and I really feel like I can deal with this diagnosis better.
lookingup41 replied to mnd64's response:
mnd64...I got genital HSV1 from oral contact and have read of several other people on this forum who have also. If your husband gets cold sores, I would not be the least bit surprised to hear your virus is HSV1. Good luck to you!
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedmnd64...I got genital HSV1 from oral contact and have read of several other people on this forum who have also. If your husband gets cold sores, I would not be the least bit surprised to hear your virus is HSV1. Good luck to you!
mnd64 replied to lookingup41's response:
I am still so worried about having sex again. Don't even feel like doing it anymore. Never thought I would feel this way. Is that normal after this diagnosis? I want to be intimate with my husband again, but I don't! Does that make sense?
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedI am still so worried about having sex again. Don't even feel like doing it anymore. Never thought I would feel this way. Is that normal after this diagnosis? I want to be intimate with my husband again, but I don't! Does that make sense?
It makes sense that you are feeling different about your sexuality, that perhaps you need a little more time to adjust to this diagnosis. Don't push it, take your time. You've probably still got some work to do on your head and the question of fidelity and transmission. I think you should try to find out your husband's status also if you are both curious (or not, if you aren't, which is fine). I would recommend that you start back with foreplay only. Decide ahead of time that you aren't going to start with intercourse, but just touching and maybe oral sex or maybe not. Ease back into things. Try to remember how much the intimacy tied you two together. It will come back soon, you just need a little time, I promise.
Terri
Terri
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedIt makes sense that you are feeling different about your sexuality, that perhaps you need a little more time to adjust to this diagnosis. Don't push it, take your time. You've probably still got some work to do on your head and the question of fidelity and transmission. I think you should try to find out your husband's status also if you are both curious (or not, if you aren't, which is fine). I would recommend that you start back with foreplay only. Decide ahead of time that you aren't going to start with intercourse, but just touching and maybe oral sex or maybe not. Ease back into things. Try to remember how much the intimacy tied you two together. It will come back soon, you just need a little time, I promise.<br /><br />Terri
leahquestions replied to mnd64's response:
So it took you 24 years of marriage to get hsv 1 genitally from your husband...Now you share the same thing and hopefully you won't break out much being as it is not a preferred sight. Now that you both have it you are now protected by almost 50 % in getting it elsewhere- just don't kiss and neither should he if there is tingling or a sore present... , son't sheare the same towels while broke out and you'll be fine.
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedSo it took you 24 years of marriage to get hsv 1 genitally from your husband...Now you share the same thing and hopefully you won't break out much being as it is not a preferred sight. Now that you both have it you are now protected by almost 50 % in getting it elsewhere- just don't kiss and neither should he if there is tingling or a sore present... , son't sheare the same towels while broke out and you'll be fine.
mnd64 replied to Terri Warren, RN, ANP's response:
Thanks Terri, I hope you are right. This whole thing really stinks. I still can't believe that I am even going through this. I am thinking about maybe seeing a counselor to help me get over whatever issue I seem to be having. Was never afraid of sex!
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedThanks Terri, I hope you are right. This whole thing really stinks. I still can't believe that I am even going through this. I am thinking about maybe seeing a counselor to help me get over whatever issue I seem to be having. Was never afraid of sex!
leahquestions replied to mnd64's response:
There are so many things to be thankful for. All that you are going through is normal...It's a horrible panic state of the unknown is all... Things could be much worse. 24 years of marriage and most people don't even stay friends that long. Let this bring you two closer to each other. HE needs testing too. An IGG for the both of you then cross the bridge when you get there..I bet you're still a nice wonderful person the same person inside so don't let this over take you.. best wishes
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedThere are so many things to be thankful for. All that you are going through is normal...It's a horrible panic state of the unknown is all... Things could be much worse. 24 years of marriage and most people don't even stay friends that long. Let this bring you two closer to each other. HE needs testing too. An IGG for the both of you then cross the bridge when you get there..I bet you're still a nice wonderful person the same person inside so don't let this over take you.. best wishes
lookingup41 replied to deluxehd's response:
If you get genital herpes from a cold sore, you have genital HSV1 not HSV2. Just to clarify:)
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedIf you get genital herpes from a cold sore, you have genital HSV1 not HSV2. Just to clarify:)
mnd64 replied to lookingup41's response:
Well, things are definitely better. My husband and I seem to be back to our old selves. Really is strange thought. I am glad that our relationship is still strong after all this and I will try my best that my husband doesn't contract this disease.
Thank you all for your help and I will continue to check back.
Thank you all for your help and I will continue to check back.
Report This| Share this:just found out and very confusedWell, things are definitely better. My husband and I seem to be back to our old selves. Really is strange thought. I am glad that our relationship is still strong after all this and I will try my best that my husband doesn't contract this disease.<br />Thank you all for your help and I will continue to check back.
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