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Still waiting for him to deal with it
thequestioner posted:
I wrote in back on Easter weekend. The guy I've been dating for the last three months agreed to get himself tested for HSV after I disclosed that I have it. He tested positive for HSV I and II. That was April 2nd. He was soo freaked out that he said he could only focus on himself and figuring out what the dx meant for him and he didn't know where things stood with us. He said I could wait for him to figure it out or move on because he couldn't tell me when he'd be able to make up his mind about us. It's been 10 days and he's put major distance b/t us and he still can't deal with this.

I've tried to be understanding, but I'm battling feeling hurt and that I'm not being treated right. I told him that he can't just put me on hold while he figures it out. He keeps saying that he doesn't know what to tell me because he's still focusing on what this means to him.

Any insight is appreciated, although my feelings and respect for him are diminishing rapidly.
leahquestions responded:
Is he blaming you for it first of all? Second - give him time..... let him know you car for him no matter what.........Do you remember when you got tested and got the news.. It's not exactly a good thing and sometimes takes time for people to handle..... depending on circumstances.. I had h1 for most my life then came down with h2 which I may have had but don't think so--- that was a killer for me and I haven't dated and won't date for a very long time... It's been 6 months and the way things are going it might be years before I can trust again....or even want to date........ be his friend , don't pressure him or he'll walk away.... patience hope I helped somewhat
thequestioner replied to leahquestions's response:
thanks leahquestions. He's not blaming me for it. We didn't do anything risky sexually and he knows that.

I guess I'll just never understand why I need to be shut out during the process. that's all. It does not make sense to me and never will.

Life is too short to let HSV II destroy you finding happiness. With soo many people having it, I just can't believe we need to live in a state of being ashamed. Somehow life needs to go on. Please don't shut yourself off from love.
GirlBlue2010 responded:
I think he was just caught off guard. He had no reason to think he had HSV2, and he probably is just trying to figure all this out. Of course we all know that identifiable symptoms appear to be the exception and not the rule when it comes to genital HSV, but someone who isn't very educated on the subject may not realize that. Maybe he also just dealing with the fact he can't go back. No more ignorance is bliss (not that he was trying to be ignorant). I know some people who really wish they never were tested so they just didn't have to be armed with the knowledge. To know you have genital HSV heightens your sexual responsibility in a way few things do. I think he may just need time.

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