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Dealing w/HSV2 is hard
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MZST3PH posted:
Ive been dealing with it for over 1yr now.I dont know who gave it to me.The one person who that Ive been sexual the most and the longest I told and he says he doesnt "think" I past it to him because he has never had a break out.Does this mean he might have it and doesnt want to tell me? We still have sex but obviously with a condom. I've had sex with other partners but I have not told them I have HSV2.We use a condom all the time..how important is it to tell that person?Am I wrong for it?Im scared of rejection if I do tell them.I know I would react like that if they told me there infected and I wasnt. Recently my doc put me on Valtrex to "try"it out for a 6mth period.Hypothetically speaking,If I dont use a condom is it likely to pass HSV2 to my partner?

**Id really appreciate all the advice I can get!!!**
Reply
 
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betsyo1967 responded:
your partner should have a type specific herpes igg blood test to see what his status is. A perceived lack of symptoms doesn't mean he isn't infected.

How important is it to talk about your herpes? Actually pretty darn important. having hsv2 increases your risk of acquiring hiv. You want to start the discussion with partners about std's, include what testing they've had and when as well as what you know you have. Also don't disclose your herpes and transmit it to a partner and they can take you to civil court and file a very public lawsuit about it against you.

have you read the herpes handbook yet? it's free and the link is in our resource section here.
 
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abe648 responded:
It is important to tell a partner that you have HSV 2 not only because of the possibility of a lawsuit but put your self in their shoes. How would you like it if you know you did not have herpes and some guy had unprotected sex with you or even had protected sex with you and you got HSV 2? I know you do not want to be rejected but they have a right to know it is there health that you are playing with.

You are not the first person to have sex and not tell that you have HSV 2 and you will not be the last. But I would urge you to do the right thing and tell them so they can get tested and decide for themselves if they want to be intimate with you. They may not be happy but get the courage up like Betsy says and ask them what testing they have had and then tell them what you have and do the right thing.

I know it is going to be tough but ask God to help you deal with this and get this out in the open with these partners and you will feel a lot better.

I want you to know that life will go on and there will be someone who will love you uncondiontally even though you have herpes.

God Bless you :-)
 
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MZST3PH replied to betsyo1967's response:
So we dont get confused I will refer to him as Guy A.Guy A refuses to do it..we only talked about it 1 time.And that was when I was newly diagnosed. I had a sexual partner 2wks prior to being Dx'd,Guy B.We did not practice safe sex.Me assuming Guy B was the one who passed it to me I called right away so he could get checked.Guy B went right away and got checked but it came back negative.Is that possible? I know he went because my best friend went with him to the clinic.So since Guy B's results came back negative,Guy A insists his ''should'' be negative and he doesnt have it.But he refuses to go get checked.Guy A was my 1st.After the first 2 times I developed a yeast infection.And just about everytime after that I would develop yeast infections if we did not use a condom.Sometimes I would get Vaginitis. Hes not the only partner I had but I would use condoms with my other partners and that wouldnt happen.I had 1 yeast infection right before my1st outbreak and sure enough it happen when I had unprotected sex with Guy A.What does all this mean?
~OMG I had no idea that HSV2 increased the risk of HIV.How can that happen?What about when I want to have kids?How does that work?I dont want test tube babies.
 
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MZST3PH replied to abe648's response:
Your right.I have put myself in there shoes.When I think about it I really get PO'd just to think that someone had HSV and knew about it and had (unprotected)sex with me and passed it to me.I was really depressed when I found out.I had no clue what to do.I was real secluded from everybody.I felt dirty and embarresed.Worst of all I have noooo idea who gave it to me.Is it possible to pass HSV2 with the use of a condom?

You know I did find someone.I met him DAYS before I was diagnosed.So when I found out I told him we shoulndt try to make it work because I felt dirty.But he accepted it.It took us time to have sex,it actually took me more time than him.Even though he accepted mewith HSV2,I was always sooo insecure that he was cheating on me with someone who doesnt have it.It was a constant arguement between us even after he would assure me he wasnt cheating.Eventually we stopped the relationship and became friends.And it kind of just went back in forth until he called everything off.Im scared to find someone else like him.Im greatful he was there for me but he was there at the wrong time.I was still tryin to coop with it.I think if he came back around it would be much more different.
 
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abe648 replied to MZST3PH's response:
Guy A may have it and have no idea. Of people who get tested and find out that they have genital herpes 90% of them had no idea. But again Guy A my not have it either. If you have had more partners than Guy A and Guy B then it could have been some else. Do not drive yourself crazy figuring it out where you got it. The fact is that you do have it and to move forward with you life
No need to feel ashamed or dirty as 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men have herpes and there is someone out there for YOU. If you feel that this one guy would make you happy then get the courage and GIVE him a call and tell him that you were really torn up about all this and can you get back together.

Life will go on and you will find someone who will love you. This is just a little bump in the road of life.

God Bless you and move on with life. :-)
 
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lifechanging86 replied to MZST3PH's response:
i know exactly how you feel!!!! I was TOLD not diagnoised with HSV2..so because i was with my ex for 5 years i got over it, but now that i have been single almost a year, i feel degraded and disgusted. I have had 2 partners in that year and have told them about this and they totally accepted it, however, it always lead to an argument because i would think things like "shes gross" "shes dirty" "i can do better" i always looked at them like these were some of the things they thought about me, but they swear that they never felt that way. So i met another guy who i totally want to be with and when i told him i got REJECTED! i was so surprised bc i thought to myself well 2 others accepted it why cant he? But he told me if i got tested since it was never confirmed whether is was HSV2 tha he would be with me..if i was pos he couldnt be with me..Then i asked should i have said something if it has never be confirmed..its been 6 yrs and no outbreaks or anything for almost 5 years!!!!!
 
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abe648 replied to lifechanging86's response:
Go get an "herpes type specific IgG blood test" and find out for sure if you do or do not have Herpes? You may not have it and all these year you thought you did. And if you do have it then at least you will know for sure.
 
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MZST3PH replied to abe648's response:
Yes theres been more than just Guy A&B. But I swear I think it was Guy A.But your right,life moves on and it'll move on as soon as I learn how to accept it. Its just hard to accept this is something that will NEVER go away and I will have to deal with it till the day I die.All of my life I have to deal with a mistake I made at some point in my life.What I dont understand is why is it not tested when we go for our yearly PAP? I could of found out a lot sooner and I could of found out Who it was from.

Thank you for all your advice.I really do appreciate it!!
 
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MZST3PH replied to lifechanging86's response:
What do you mean you were told? Who told you and why? If you really dont know for sure you should SO get checked.I wish I was in that position where I didnt have it. It sucks to be with someone and have that consent feeling that they talk about you or maybe they think of you as being dirty.I dont want to go thru that anymore.Its hard being positive and living a "normal" dating life.
 
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abe648 replied to MZST3PH's response:
from. Your current partner that knows that you have herpes should get tested with a "type specific IgG blood test and get him to get a copy of his numeric test results so you can post it in this discussion so Terri or Betsy can confirm his status. Just because he does not have any symptoms does not mean he does not have herpes. Only a test will tell him for sure. Of people who get tested and find out they have herpes 90% of them had no idea they had herpes. Also you should be telling every partner you have sex with. They have a right to know. If you did not have herpes and a guy had sex with you and did not tell you I think you would be ticked especially if he knew he had herpes. You need to get over the herpes and move on with your life. This is just a small thing in the road of life. There will be someone who will love you for who you are just the way you are. don't drove your self crazy trying to figure out where you got it from as it will drive you crazy. Just get on with life. :-) Yes Doc's and STD clinics should be testing for herpes according to the CDC and just to give you an idea the average Doc only gets 2015-20 minutes of instruction time in the course of his studies and unless that Doc follows up and gets educated on herpes they do not know a lot. Read some of the positive stories of people who have moved on with there life at http://boards.webmd.com/webx?THDX@@.89d9fc07!thdchild=.89d9fc07


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