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just told the first guy after breakup
thisishard88 posted:
so i have been flirting with a guy at work and he has been flirting back. So tonight or today we were talkin and got on the subject of sex and forplay.. since we got on the subject of it.. i asked if he was clean and he said ya.. and then i had to tell him.. and i knew i should have prepared myself for his reaction, but how does anyone know how someone is going to react? he reacted probably the best way possible. however, he doesn't know if we can be more than friends now. and i'm crushed because how many other great guys am i gonna lose chances with because of a choice in my past? i just need to know the answers to my questions and some support cause i have no idea how to handle this. and how to move on and just support. please help me!
betsyo1967 responded:
Not everyone will be accepting of your herpes but most folks will. I know that as for myself, I've only ever had 2 fellows decide it was more risk than they were willing to take. Most of my friends with herpes have never been turned down.

so this was just a flirty thing from the sounds of it. Probably not the best time to bring up your herpes to be honest since it doesn't sound like you ever even had a real date or anything yet? Also odds are that he's not getting proper std testing and has never been tested for herpes himself even.
Talking about std testing is NORMAL and something we all should be doing EVERY TIME before we have sex with a new partner :)
thisishard88 replied to betsyo1967's response:
when is a good time? and he said he got tested with his ex.
betsyo1967 replied to thisishard88's response:
most folks only get tested for 2 or 3 std's when they ask for std testing. they assume they are getting the whole shebang, including herpes and usually they aren't.

I think folks are really scared off easily when it's just the flirty stage. they aren't really committed at all to wanting to date the person and the little things can cause them to decide not to pursue it. make sense?

who knows, perhaps he'll do some good quality reading and realize he had a knee jerk reaction to hearing you had herpes and there's more flirting in your future and even more. If not, you know not to continue using your time to attract him and can use your efforts for someone who will take the time to get properly educated before making a decision
Talking about std testing is NORMAL and something we all should be doing EVERY TIME before we have sex with a new partner :)

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