Sexually Transmitted Diseases Community

hurtshockeddepressed:
when I read your post my heart went out to you. I hear your fear and pain. I was in your shoes a long time ago. When I was 21. When I was diagnosed I thought it might as well have been a death sentence. The first outbreak was so bad I thought there would be no way to hide future outbreaks. So I told my parents. I regret that now. There was no need. The first outbreak is the worst. Future ones are never as bad. But in the beginning, all outbreaks are painful. You need to find a good GYN who knows about this topic or go to a reliable website for advice on meds. I caught herpes 30 years ago (now you know my age!). I only have one outbreak a year now. And it is entirely related to my addiction to chocolate during the Christmas holidays! I overdose on chocolate, which does trigger an outbreak in me. Read up on the different things that trigger the outbreaks. Hormonal changes do as well. Being highly stressed can too. I now take Valtrex when I have an outbreak. It shortens it by a few days.
I have been married 25 years and my husband does not have herpes. I have three beautiful, healthy children. I had to have my middle child delivered by c-section because I had an outbreak when I went into labor. He is perfectly healthy and did not "catch" herpes. I will say that I have been so blessed that my husband (then boyfriend) did not drop me when he learned about the herpes. He researched it and we talked about precautions. It is up to you to take those precautions. Here is what I have done (still to this day):
when I have an outbreak, I always dissinfect the toilet seat after I use it. I separate all of my laudry and never mix it with my families during those outbreaks. I make sure nobody uses my towels by putting them aside. My children do not know I have herpes. I have just kept my things separated from them so they are not exposed to it. Whenever I had an outbreak I abstained from sexual relations with my husband for 10 to 14 days. Always until all lesions/scabs were healed and no longer visible. I have been very cautious and it has worked. There is hope. You can have a normal life.
You said your boyfriend tested negative. I believe people test negative if they are not having an outbreak. He's bound to knwo whether or not he's had outbreaks in the past. Unless he thought it was simple jock rash or something like that.
I've read the reports saying herpes can be contagious even when there is no outbreak. I can only say that in my case, I have been with my husband 25 years and he has never had an outbreak. I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he does not have herpes. I used to have outbreaks probably 5 times a year early on. Take pain meds, valtrex, or whatever else your doctor prescribes. It will get better. The outbreaks will lessen. And above all, be responsible about hygeine and laundry. Life does go on. You will be okay. Don't despair~!

thank you for sharing your story. its encouraging to know that maybe there is life after herpes. i'm learning to accept my diagnosis at age 50 after my husband of fifteen years went outside of our marriage. its been a very difficult year for me. i would like to know from anyone out there who may have some advice if what i am experiencing is normal. Once i found out i had the virus it was like an explosion in my body. its been one year and every single day i have discomfort in the form of a chaffing and tingling in my groin area and upper thighs and anal area. this feeling has not gone away. it subsides at times but never goes completely away. i take valtrex daily, get plenty of rest and have pretty much a healthy diet. i use powder with zinc oxide and cornstartch in my panties to keep the area dry and clean and have not had sex. My question is it possible that i will experience this very uncomfortable effect until my body develops what it needs to keep the virus at bay? does that take a while? i just need some relief as this constant chaffing and burning and tingling is starting to cause me to be very depressed. thanks to anyone who can help.

I am 23 years old and have been living and managing my HSV-2 condition for 5 years. I can understand and relate to your feelings to the tee. I found out I was infected with Herpes after a very passionate encounter with an ex-boyfriend (who at the time I was in a relationship with). A few days after this encounter I noticed these lesions on my vagina lips. It hurt to bathe, it hurt to urinate, and it hurt to walk. I was devastated and did not know what to do. I missed about a week of class because the pain was too much to tolerate. I could not even wear pants and it was in the middle of a very cold winter upstate. I knew something was wrong but I was unaware of the cause so I went to the student health center and found out I had had herpes. I could not understand how that happened. I always used condoms and believed in getting tested between every new partner, as often as possible. At the time all I could do was cry because nothing stopped the pain. It was more an emotional and psychological pain than physical. I alienated myself because I was ashamed. I had had herpes for a year before I had an outbreak. It pains me to think about how I was initially infected because I was raped but accepting what happened as helped me cope with living with it today.

During my initial outbreak I was given a prescription for Valtrex and used that for a few months. I did not like the side effects and decided to stop taking medication for my condition all together. This was a personal choice and I spoke with my doctor before doing so, as you mentioned you don't see yourself taking tons of pills a day so you should talk with your doctor and find out what's best for you. I have an outbreak about once or twice a year. While I was in undergrad my stress levels raised heavily during finals. I used to drive myself crazy and wham an outbreak would occur. Now I have learned how to keep my stress down by going to the gym, speaking with a therapist occasionally and keeping an open and honest line of communication with my support system. I do not stress half as much now that I'm in grad school and the workload is even more demanding.

Well the relationship I was in during my initial outbreak did not last, I was fortunate enough to find someone who was accepting of my condition. I told him I had herpes prior to our first sexual encounter. I even told him that I respected his decision to leave me alone and be with a "normal" woman (at the time I felt as though I was on the outskirts of society and anything but normal; now my personal perception of myself is much more positive and I feel more comfortable in my own skin). I was so afraid of what he might say because I cared a lot about him. Three years into our relationship and even with all this marriage talk I still feel the same way to some degree but I believe those feelings you are having are natural. It is hard to think that you can possibly hurt someone you care about so much. My boyfriend gets tested about twice a year and is negative to this day.

I find it to be more of a relief when I just express those feelings with my partner. Is it going to be easy? Of course not but you can make it through. You have survived so far haven't you? Don't belittle yourself because of your condition because the truth is you will smile again and be happy and learn how to manage and live with Herpes.

My boyfriend and I have decided against using condoms regularly about a year ago. And we use them even less now that we are trying to have a baby. So when an outbreak does occur I make sure I take extra precautions such as washing my clothes separately, using a different bar of soap, and we do not have sex for about a week and a half to two weeks, until all my sores have cleared. So I think what I am trying to say is it is possible to have a "healthy" and loving relationship with someone who does not have herpes. You just have to give it a try.