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I have Genital Herpes, but want to start dating again.
An_209741 posted:
Hello everyone! I have genital herpes. I have had it for over a year. At first I was depressed. Now I have accepted it and am ready to date. I'm on Valtrex and have been super lucky to only have 2 outbreaks since then. Now I am ready to date again. I was wondering if any of you could give me advice on when I should tell someone that I have it? I don't know if I should wait until it starts to get serious or if it would be better to say right away.
I just am so confused! If I say it right away, I feel like they won't learn about ME. They won't look past the Herpes. (It is rough having that stigma follow you.) If I wait till the person and I know each other a little better, then I feel like they will feel upset about not knowing sooner. I think it would hurt to like someone and then learn they can't accept that you have Herpes.
I would totally appreciate ANY input on this. I had a terrible experience trying to date and that is why I put it off. I was talking to this guy, and we talked for like 2 weeks. I started to like him so I told him I had Genital Herpes. He said he appreciated me telling him, but he could not continue on. What hurt the MOST about that is that he suggested a dating website for people with STDs. I was prepared to accept that he couldn't date me, but when he suggested that website, it was like he was saying that people with STD's should only date each other. (It was how people say you need to date your own race, to keep 'pure') I don't want to date someone because we have herpes in common. I want to date someone with my interests! (Anybody have that kind of slap to the face?)
betsyo1967 responded:
there's only a stigma to having a std if you believe there is. Std's are just opportunistic infections and really no reason to think having one will make potential partners turn tail and run the other way! 1 out of every 3 of us has had a std whether we were aware of it or not! that's a lot of the folks you know and have dated!!

so when do you tell? well that's up to you. Some folks put it out there from the gitgo to their potential partners - either talking about it or putting it on their dating ads etc. Others wait until a few dates have passed while for others it will be months. Depends on how quickly you typically are intimate with a new partner. Talking about all std's for both of you and testing needs to be done before the clothes come off. Other than that - the time is up to you!

Not everyone will have the reaction that the first person you told did. Some folks think that only "other" people get std's and they assume they aren't dating "those" kind of people and they never even get tested properly to know their status. When you find someone who is right for you - they will listen, they will read up on it and they will be supportive of you and be there by your side!
Talking about std testing is NORMAL and something we all should be doing EVERY TIME before we have sex with a new partner :)
manning18fan replied to betsyo1967's response:
Thank you!

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