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Dating
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justsomeone19 posted:
Hey everyone. I've been reading the boards since I found out I have HPV a few months ago. I'd like to thank everyone for their responses as well as the people who post questions. I have a question of my own. I've been pretty down on myself since I found out (as I've seen a lot of other are/were as well). I want to date but I also don't want to. When I found out I had HPV I told the person I was with and things ended with her. I haven't dated since and I feel like I'd be lying to someone if I went out on a date and didn't tell them right away. Does anyone else feel the same? I don't want to get connected to someone and then drop this "bomb" on them and I especially don't want to pass it on. Has anyone tried those dating sites for people with stds? It's still hard for me to think about it. I'm 24 and I feel like I'm missing out on a lot if I cut dating out completely. Can anyone help with some advice or stories of their own? Thank you.
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yi3o8 responded:
I dunno about the telling part. It's rough. As far as dating sites, too many strains. Most you could do, maybe do, is if you new what strain you could check to see if the gardisil is the same strain and then ask them if they had the gardisil shots.
 
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tombrad responded:
How exactly did it end? I'm dating someone also. I don't know how they react when I tell them. Either denial that they will think they will be safe with a condom. I'm pretty sure she's been vaccinated. I'm not going to bring it up though until sex comes into the picture. I'm dreading a negative reaction. My doctor told me always where a condom and don't tell someone until u get serious enough to decide to go without a condom. Its your call though.
 
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justsomeone19 responded:
The girl I had been dating when I found out had the shot but was still scared to get it because she said her friend had the shots and still got it from her bf who had it. It might be me but I can't start a new relationship because I feel like telling them should be the first thing I do. I would feel like I was lying to them the whole time. I don't fault the girl for breaking up with me, at least when I found out I told her straight up and it was really really tough but I did it. I don't want to get a connection with someone and then have it dashed again because of HPV. Is there anyone else out there who is dating new people?
 
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celest84 responded:
Speaking on the other side.. I started dating someone new and I felt that I had to break it to him early in the relationship. It's something that is a part of who I am good or bad.. I had been talking to this person for 2 months, but when did not want to share it until I felt comfortable. When I did tell him, he told me that he was a bit shocked, and that was the last I heard from him.

I'd really like to know the same things that you are asking justsomeone19. Good luck in your search for answers.
 
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StanTheMan responded:
As far as disclosing our condition goes, I don't think you should tell anyone early on in the relationship. Why? Because thats dating. I understand that, for a relationship to have a potential for something special that both parties should be completely honest. But the thing about dating is you have to put your best foot forward at first. For example, if you had slept with say, hypothetically, 100 people or so, you wouldn't blurt that out on the first date, would you?

All I'm saying is that I think there are certain times in a relationship to disclose certain information. Personally, I haven't had a serious relationship since being diagnosed, but when the opportunity arises, I think I will tell me partner around the time when I think our relationship will become physical.

So, in short, I think you should wait to disclose the fact that you have HPV. Put your best foot forward and get out and start dating!

Also, it hasn't worked for me yet, but I also post ads in craigslist for people with HPV under men seeking women. I got one response, but it didn't work out. Just a thought... I figure I might as well use all means necessary to try and find someone!

Take Care for now.
 
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justsomeone19 responded:
Hey Stan I get what your saying. I'm not sure what I'm able to do yet. Let me ask you this. If you do the craigslist thing have you done one of those dating sites that cater to people with HPV or other stds? I'm not sure if I want to put myself out there like that but at least it's a way like craigslist to be upfront right away.
 
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StanTheMan responded:
Yeah, I Went to register for one but they all cost $. Also, I am just very skeptical about them. They say for you to really get noticed you should throw a pic up, and I just don't think I'm at the point where I'd be comfortable with posting a pic of myself and a headline that says "Hey, date me I have genital warts!" I don't know, personally, I think the world is too small for that! Next thing you know someone you don't want to knows you have this.

Those are just my thoughts though! If you're more comfortable with it, then knock yourself out!
 
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justsomeone19 responded:
I agree with you Stan. I'm definitely not ready to do anything where I would put a picture up. Maybe something without but even then I'd feel exposed. I just feel like everything is pretty futile now. Maybe at some point I'll get to where I'll feel ok dating but I don't really know if that will ever happen again. Especially if I feel like this.
 
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blackmamba16 responded:
I know exactly how you are feeling. My most recent relationship ended when I found out I had HPV. The guy I was dating told me it was because of the age difference, but I get the distinct feeling he just used that as an excuse and didn't want to date someone with genital warts. I've never felt so "tainted" in my life. I haven't even made any effort to date because I'm afraid the same thing will happen. I know this isn't a necessarily uplifting story, but there's at least one person out there that knows exactly what you're going through.
 
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justsomeone19 responded:
Haha yeah blackmamba don't worry. I don't expect to hear any uplifting stories. Even if I heard them they wouldn't apply to me anyway. In the most simply terms it just sucks. But this is a place to talk so any story works.
 
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winnebag0 responded:
here's the way i see it...we all now have an added filter. certainly it sucks to not have the frivilous option anymore. however, perhaps it gives us all more insight and we will spend more time getting to know folks and there will definitely be someone out there that will see it as a risk they are willing to take because we are each awesome beyond the stupid HPV. moreover, it gives us an additional push to protect ourselves from other coodies out there. i know i'm certainly more educated and inclined to better protect myself.

my bf and i are in the midst of deciding whether it is going to work for us. i had to deal with it all immediately because i have symptoms whereas he does not and, in general, deals with things differently than i do. while you may be thinking that at least i have someone in my life, i actually think it would be easier for me to deal with it without it. there would be less stress about if and when we may have sex again and would give me a different opportunity to re-adjust my sense of self.

personally, i don't know if an std site would be for me. as you said, i'm not quite sure i'm ready to be the face of hpv. plus there are likely loads of people who have it on the mainstream dating sites as well. and i don't really want to use it as a defining factor.
 
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blackmamba16 responded:
Yeah, it's a little more comforting knowing there are people out there going through the same thing. If you're interested justsomeone19, I'd like to talk to you some more, but maybe on a little less public forum : )
 
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justsomeone19 responded:
Just name the where and when.
 
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blackmamba16 responded:
You can e-mail me at blackmamba1641@yahoo.com


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