Just got a lab result and am sooo depressed!! Having a hard time accepting it...
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An_244056 posted:
I just found out (online) that I tested positive for Herpes type 2....I feel like my life is over I know that my last boyfriend gave it to me...he said he had been tested and was clean (I believed him) and now, after breaking up, I found out that he gave my herpes. I already have a condition that results in a very poor immune system and this supposedly puts me at greater risk for complications. I am so scared and don't know how to proceed...And to top it off, when I let him know what had happened, he tried to twist things around and make me seem like a bad person. I don't know how he can do this and not even apologize! I am mad, hurt and most of all, scared out of my mind. How will I ever find a healthy, happy relationship when I have this diagnosis? I would appreciate any feedback from people who have dealt with this for a significant amount of time.
I feel like a leper and even though I feel that the only fault (on my part) was being naive and trusting...I feel that this holds a huge stigma and that no one will look at me the same way if I tell them. I don't know how to go on....I am just so depressed and scared of the future. I am only 26 and have had a small number of sexual partners but feel that I will be seen as a slut. Any advice or words of wisdom? Any response would be much appreciated! I feel so alone, sad, and confused...thank you to anyone who takes the time to respond.
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towelgirl92 responded:
First of all, your ex-boyfriend sounds like a jerk. I hope you never talk to him again, even if he'd never given you Herpes.

Second, it's going to be okay. I've had Herpes for almost four years, and I've found that a lot of guys will look passed the disease and understand. Because, you're right. The only fault you had in this was loving someone and trusting they wouldn't hurt you.

There's going to be some hard times. I can't lie about that. It's going to be hard to accept this and it's going to be awhile before you'll be okay with it. But you will be. It seriously, honestly just takes time.

Don't let one jerk stop you from being happy. It does hold a huge stigma, but there are TONS of people in this world who can look passed that stigma and see you as more than just someone with Herpes.

And one more thing. Don't let him make this your fault. He was the one who did this. He should have been open and honest with you. The guy who gave it to me lied when I confronted him about it. He lied and lied and never ended up admitting he gave it to me. I wanted him to admit it so terribly bad - like it would make me feel better if he did. But eventually, I realized he wasn't going to. And I moved on from that. Be mad at him, okay? You have every right to right now. But eventually, let the anger go.

It is just a skin disease after all.
 
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manning18fan responded:
Hello, I've had genital herpes for over 3 years now and I guarantee you this: LIFE IS NOT OVER. When I found out I was devastated. Like you my boyfriend told me he was clean. He turned it around on me and accused me of being a slut. Just know that it isn't your fault and you have nothing to be ashamed of. To be honest, it might not even be his fault, I'm saying this because I learned that most clinics don't test for herpes when there are no obvious signs. It is scary and sad, but true. He may have been tested for the basic STDs like chlamydia and gonorrhea. I'm not defending this man, but sometimes the virus lives in your system and you have no knowledge of it. So while you are hurt, just try to forgive.
As for how he is acting, he needs to grow up. If he cannot deal with this he shouldn't be having sex. I dated a man who knew I had it, but after I dumped him he told everyone I had it. (Don't think your ex will do the same, this was a sad, pitiful loser.)
Now know that you will find a happy healthy relationship! There is someone out there (maybe more than one person too) who will see you as you are. YOU ARE NOT YOUR HERPES. You have herpes, but it doesn't make you any different. I have dated many wonderful men who realized that I'm not a walking STD. We even had (safe) amazing sex and loved each other. However I have met men who don't want to continue seeing me when they find out. It does have a stigma about it, but someone worth you and your time will educate themselves.
I recommend that you don't worry about dating right now. Right now you can feel sad, that's normal. I recommend reading "The Good News about the bad news." By Terri Warren. I hope that when you read that you will see that it isn't the end of the world/ or the end of having a worthwhile relationship. I'll be praying for you. And remember to smile, you sound like a loving trusting person, don't let this change you!
 
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Kiara3012 responded:
The same thing just happened to me! I just found out a few days ago and have felt like a leper too. What I have been trying to do is lean on my close girlfriends that know for support. But I know exactly how you feel about this being scary and that I will be alone because who wants a 25 year old girl with herpes?! But like I said before, try to turn to a friend you can trust! So far, its whats been helping me!
 
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wildcry replied to Kiara3012's response:
life is so crazy a few monthago i found out that i herpes..and i feel like i have no one to talk too.some time i feel like just running away.