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how do you feel towards the ONE WHO GAVE YOU HERPES
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Forgiven72 posted:
Did you know that 90% of people living with Herpes, DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE IT. Thats a big number. So you just found out you have Herpes, now what? I know the first thing I thought about was, "oh my gosh, how could he not have told me"....

I found out February 3, 2009 I had herpes. It was a visual exam and then confirmed with an IgG test two weeks later. I had to tell him of course because chances were, he didn't know he had it himself. He was the first person I was with after being with my ex(a virgin, having only been with me and obviously tested negative for all std's) and I was negative prior to being with him.

So I make the call. I say "Hey, I need to let you know that I just tested positive for Herpes2 and I think you should get tested. I am not sure if you know or not that you have this. I am not mad." He breaks the silence with "its not me,I don't have anything, you are lying." and hangs up.... I WAS FURIOUS. How could he out right deny this, knowing that I hadn't been with anyone else and I had std clean record to prove it, until now!!! I tried to call him and be calm with him feeling like maybe he was one of the 90% that didn't know.. But after I spoke with him, I felt like he was the 10% that didn't care who else had it too and they would just keep passing the Gift!

I decided to never call back again. I said what I had to say and that was it. I was wrong. There was more that needed to be said. I needed to apologize.

Since I knew he would not accept my calls, I wrote him a letter.

"Dear *****,
I forgive you.
Whether or not you were aware that you had this, the fact is, I now have it. What's done is done, the Past has Passed. Being angry with you will not cure me. Hating you will not remove the pain. Holding a grudge will not allow me to move on. I have chosen to abstain from sex until the time is right. As hard as it may be, I know that eventually I will have to have the talk with someone someday. I cannot, in no way continue to have sex knowing that I can pass this to someone else. The pain I feel is not agony towards my situation, but hurt of being betrayed by someone I have trusted. I refuse to have someone feel that way towards me. I hope and pray you get tested so you can start taking care of yourself. And if you honestly truly didn't know you had it, then maybe the one who gave it to you doesn't know either. We can not stop spreading this virus until we start spreading the word about it.
In the past few days since I found out, I have been doing an insane amount of research. Did you know that that 1 in 5 women have this and 1 in 4 men. You can go years without a symptom. You can spread this even with a condom. You can spread this even if you are not having an outbreak(which is why you should still warn your partner so they don't get surpised 4 weeks later like me). That there are suppressive remedies to get you through this. I am not much a pill taker so I have found natural ways to help me these past few days. Vitamin L-Lysine, Echinacea, and Green Tea have done wonders:)
But the bottom line here, whether you are aware of this or not, I am not mad. I forgive you. I wish you all the best.
Yours Truly."

I have discovered that ANGER, REGRET, SADNESS, PITTY, REVENGE, HATE, GRUDGES, SORROW, and so on, only make dealing with this harder. It doesn't matter where you got it from, who gave it to you or how. Doesn't matter if you were lied to, cheated on, born with it, whatever... The fact is, YOU HAVE HERPES now, and all you can do it get the info and MOVE FORWARD. Its a lot to deal with, but it is manageable. Don't be afraid to have the talk with a new partner, give them the opportunity to decide, don't take the risk. Some might turn tail and run but one day, you might find the one who loves ALL of you;Tthe Good, The Bad and The Herpes;)

ps. He called a year later and apologized. Said it had been killing him inside for a year and he was so sorry. Again, I only had forgiveness towards him.
Like the one I was with, 90percent of people who have hsv, don't know they have it. Thats a large number. Get tested. Have the talk. And most of all FORGIVE and move forward.
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newlyaware responded:
Thank you for this post. So much of what you said sounds like what I was thinking. Unfortunately, I was one of the 90%. I had asked for STD screening but was told by 2 of my docs 4 months later that HSV was not an STD they normally screen for because so many people are positive and don't know. They both felt it causes more issues because sometimes you've had it for years. I find this kind of thinking disturbing since I work in the medical field. I am working at speaking with my docs, who are also co-workers, about how upsetting it is to have unknowingly passed this on when it could have been prevented.

To anyone who is newly diagnosed, knowledge is power. Research this site and Terri's clinic site for information. There are tons of answers and you are not alone!! Allow yourself to work through the feelings of anger, regret, sadness, pity, revenge (without acting on it), hate, grudges and sorrow and then move ahead.
 
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dovescared responded:
I went through these phases also, and all I have now is regret and pain that I can never be like I was b4, loving sex and feeling wonderful about it. Now all I can see is a life of loneliness, I am too old to start over, and the one who gave this to me is still in my life as roommate...(divorced for 5 years but still live together for the sake of our children).
I realize that I am new in this, and these things I feel will probably pass, for now I am searching for support groups...I don't want to go on antidepressants, but the flippant attitude of my roommate isn't helping, and knowing I have this has practically squashed any desires I have sexually.
Maybe your right, maybe one day I can move on/forward...for now I just in a puddle.
 
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live1again11 replied to dovescared's response:
Well.. One nite for less than 10 minutes my life changed foreever and I have not forgiven myself nor the one that gave it to me... Dont think I ever will either.. Dont ask what i would do if i seen this person again.. Well If i seen them alone that is...
 
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depressed1991 responded:
Im 19 and I live in the uk I had a physical exam today and was told I have genital herpes.I have only ever had sex with one guy (ex). I sent him a facebook message saying: 'hey hope you ok i need to talk to you a.s.a.p so please call me'
He called me and I called him back and well i think the words just dropped from my mouth ' i went to the doctor today and turns out i have an STD. (he just laughed and asked where i got it from because all his routine checks say he has no std. I feel dirty disgusted and ashamed because I don't think he is taking me seriously despite saying he will go and ask for a re-test. Oh well in less than two years i have gone from being a virgin to having an STD.!!!! I am very very scared to be honest because I can not tell anyone at all (except my 1 close friend and he is somewhat re-analysing our friendship i guess after i told him.)The worst part for me is how can he be tested and not have it then I get it? HOW AND WHY DOES HE NOT HAVE IT? It all seems so unfair...

P.S What is an IGG Blood anitbody test and culture of lesions? I went to the clinic and they did a physical exam and took my blood but I don't know what they are testing it for. I was somewhat in a haze when she said 'genital warts' and lost all concentration of what she said because i saw my life go past me like i was dying. I have to wait 2-3 weeks to find out the results of the blood test. I am very scared and in the meantime I have 4 warts that I have to apply wartisol cream to and I am terrified because she told me it would hurt.

Do youy have any tips for living life now that I have this diagnosis? Also can the warts re-appear?
 
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An_208378 responded:
I have no idea who gave this to me. There were no obvious symptoms in me. So, I have no idea if I ever gave it to someone which upsets me more than having it. Somedays, I do feel anger but I don't have anyone to direct it towards. It is hard to think someone I trusted enough to sleep with passed this to me. I found out after being with my husband for 7 years when we were having a hard time getting pregnant. My doctor told me if I didn't have symptoms not to worry about. So I didn't. I didn't have symtoms unitl August of 2010---and I have suffered greatly since then with neuralgia involving my front and back legs and entire hip and buttock area--daily. Luckily, my husband has never gotten HSV2 from me despite 23 years of unprotected sex. He tested negative in September. Now, I have the incredible fear of passing it to him. Although, he says he doesn't care and he keeps removing condoms. But I am suffering mentally greatly every time we have relations---just waiting for to him to come to me and say I gave it to him.

I have spent so much time and money at doctors offices and getting extensive tests to have nothing wrong with me but HSV2.

So what upsets me most is the lack of knowledge doctors have on helping us. I am also upset that HSV2 is classified as just a nuisance and not a big health concern. While, I know it does not appear to threaten life it does certainly take quality from life. For five months, HSV2 has had me in so much pain from the neuralgia that I cannot live my life the same way. I can't do as much to care for my teenagers, my house, myself, my husband, and at my job. My teens are wondering why mom is in bed all the time when she used to do so much.

I am not blaming the medical world but I have noticed how many people seem to voice extensive discomfort and neuralgia and I don't think we are being believed. I know what I am feeling in my body.

I understand the behavior of HSV2 makes it difficult to treat but I just hope the sequela that it causes will be taken more seriously. What happens to all us HSV2 sufferers in old age?
 
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confusedcat1956 responded:
Thanks I am trying to be strong and understand it isnt the end of the world.
 
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An_208379 replied to depressed1991's response:
Warts are one thing, herpes is another. The reason your ex is asymptomatic is most likely because HPV (the virus that causes warts) is different in men than in women. Most men pass it on without ever knowing that they have it.
 
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depressed1991 replied to depressed1991's response:
ooppps this is meant to read warts not herpes. sorry
 
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depressed1991 replied to An_208379's response:
Lucky him huh!!!! I guess the jokes on me then.
 
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msjwar replied to live1again11's response:
feel exctly the same way!
 
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Nowwhat1973 replied to dovescared's response:
I am right where you were a year ago. Different situation, same feelings. My husband cheated on me on December 26th..1 1/2 years ago with the "town bicycle". I have no idea if I contracted it from him or the person I went to for sexual reassurance after I was told my 16 year marriage was over. Life is punishing me severely..I'm just not sure why. As for dating...I met one man who was so head over heals he didn't worry about my herpes until we broke up (thankfully he has kept this secret) but the next person couldn't get away from me fast enough which has caused my downward spiral. I want happiness again with a man but it seems at this point I'm defective and it just isn't going to happen.
 
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looking4answers65 responded:
That is a beautiful letter! I think we all struggle with the "Did my partner know or not know that they had this?" Of course everyone always says they didn't know they had it but you can't help but wonder if they are telling the truth.
 
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theirishone responded:
I am 43 years old and I have been in love with this woman since I was a teenager and I think she felt the same way about me until this surfaced. It all started several months ago I found her on the internet after trying to find her for the past 2 years on and off. I went out of state to visit with her and I fell in love with her all over again, she was an amazing young girl back then and an even more amazing young woman now. We spent the night together, no sex just sleep cause I did not want her to think that was the only reason I came to see her so I did not try anything and we just went to sleep. Later that day I came back home after stopping by her home to see her before I left, I hated to leave her behind but I had to get home. We chatted for a bit that night when I got home and the next day I sent her a message telling her how I have always felt about her. I told her to take her time and I would be waiting to here from her. About 2 weeks went by I heard nothing from her so I went to see if I could find her and talk to her. Everyone I talked to said they had not seen her. I was wrecked I thought I scared her away for good. A couple days after I got got home I went out and got really drunk and winded up with a girl I knew from a few years back, she and I had sex that night. I did use a condom but was so drunk I did not think about oral sex and I did that with her to. A couple days after that my buddy tells me he talked to a friend of hers and says she is away visiting family and she is fine. Now I'm starting to feel like a real dick by this point. About another week and a half go by and she calls me and tells me what happened and I go back up and see her and we spend more time together we spend the night together, again no sex just sleep. She is the woman I am in love with and I wanted her to know that I love her and she is not just a sex object. About a week or two go by and we are texting back and forth and she says she wants to come see me and she comes down the next day. Sleeping next to her for that week and waking up next to her were the best nights sleep I have ever had. We had alot of fun and did alot of talking. Her last night there we did have sex that night. She asked how long it had been since I had sex with anyone else and I told her 2 years since my old girlfriend passed away. I could not tell her about that girl it was killing me but I did not want to hurt her. Another couple weeks go by and she comes back, I'm so thrilled she is coming to stay for a while. The first 2 nights she is there we have sex and I try again the next night but she says women times so we don't. The rest of the week she is acting different and I could not understand but I did not push anything. She goes back home and I went to kiss her goodby but she did not seem to want to kiss me back. A week after she left I got really sore in my genital area. I went and got a test and it came back negative then it happened again really fast and worse so I got blood test and it confirmed my worst fear, positive for herpes. I passed it on to her and now I had to tell her I am responsible for it. I had to have gotten it from the other girl I was with while she was away and that I lied to her about the last time I was with someone. My first thought was suicide i just could not leave her that way by herself. I told her about it and she said she would get checked but I think it was already to late. She still talked to me and I went up for Christmas and we spent some time together but then I acted selfishly and avoided her when I had no right to be upset with her. this is how I show the woman I'm in love with how much I love her, I really screwed up. She put all of her trust in me after she told me how hard it is for her to trust anyone and this is what I do to her. Now she will not talk to me or answer my texts. I am not looking for sympathy, I just want to know how to make this right with her. I would do anything for her. I love her so very much!
 
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cammy23 replied to looking4answers65's response:
I will love to share my testimony with all people because i never thought i would have another chance with my boyfriend, the man i wanted to marry left me for another woman, and when i called him, he never picked my calls,he deleted me on his facebook account and then set the status to having a girlfriend with the other chick. I was devastated. I went to three spell casters before Dr and i had really lost hope. i lost a lot of money with them and got no results. so when i came to Dr Duck i was really leery of him and didn't think he could help me. i though it is too good to be true, because all the other spell casters were supposedly good and none of them helped me. i saw the testimonials and read the other testimonials and decided to get the consultation. he said he could help me, but my chances of getting my ex were very low and he didn't recommend it at all. But i insisted that he at least give me the chance to work with him and try and if it didn't work, i wouldn't be upset and i would move on with my life. He agreed. Since he is in africa and im in nyc, i decided i would go in person to have my spells cast. he is a really sweet and gentle man, when i met him i was really surprised. he looks very young, and i had my doubts whether or not he would be able to help me. But i figured i came all that way and i said i would try so i tried it. He called a spirit to talk with me and do the work, it was a woman spirit and when it came it totally transformed Dr's face. that is when i thought to myself that it might just work. the spirit gave me some advice and did the spells. i had a separation spell and a reunion spell done. the spirit said it would take a while for my ex to leave his new girl but once he did, he would come to me very quickly. She gave me some things to take home and do. I did them, but i was really nervous. i think i messed up a few times and i told t and she said just keep going and i would be fine. so i did. it was like 6 or 7 weeks later and i saw that my ex unblocked me from facebook. I saw he had changed his status again to single. so i was super excited because i took this to mean that he had split up with the other girl. about 10 days after that my ex called me. At first, it was weird between us. he wanted to see me. so i went to meet up with him. he didn't ask me back then. i got very anxious and told, and he said to stay calm and everything would turn out okay. So i did the best i could although i was still worried. We met up a few more times after that, and still he didn't ask me back out. so i got a consultation with Dr and he said to expect my ex to ask me back out within two weeks from the consultation. i listened, but i wasn't sure it would happen. then it was almost 2 weeks later, and i though, damn, Dr was wrong. But the next day (there was like 2 days left from it being 2 weeks) my ex called and we got together. He asked me if i would be willing to try our relationship again, which of course i said yes. that was about 3 weeks ago, and so far we have been doing okay, we still have a lot of things to work out, but i am very happy. Dr is the real deal and i am so glad that i found him and i recommend him to anyone who needs help. thank you so much Dr you saved my life! Cammy you can contact him via greatoracletemplesolution@live.com


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