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married with homosexual thoughts
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55tbird posted:
I'm married in my late 40's. I have a beautiful wife. We enjoy a mutually satisfying sex life. I have been having thoughts about having sex with another man. I have viewed gay porn on the web. I would never go further because of my committment to my wife and family. I feel like I'm the only one who does this. We have great sex over the weekend. It is just occassionally I think about being with another guy.
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GaMale770 responded:
Hey 55,

You're not alone, believe me.

There are a lot married men that feel the same way and more than you'll ever guess that are actually having sex with other married/single men. Some have a wonderful sexual relationship with their wives and others claim not to be having any sex at all.




GaMale
 
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Luca_Brasi replied to GaMale770's response:
So 55tbird,

What exactly is your point here ?

I believe there is an element of society that probably shares some of what you are experiencing. However, this leads me to believe that maybe something is still lacking in your sex life with your wife that maybe you are not sharing with her ?
There are bi-sexuals out there, but contrary to what GaMale states about there being alot of married men out there with similar thoughts, I feel that is a distinct minority point of view.
I am a heterosexual male and I have never had the urge or inkling to be with another male.
I suggest you better discuss this with your wife, and look deep within yourself and seek an answer for the confusion.
I am by no means saying that there is anything wrong with you, or those thoughts but it may lead to problems down the road between her and yourself ?
 
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GuardSquealer replied to Luca_Brasi's response:
I think a lot of people try to justify their feelings and actions, by saying that there are a lot more people doing the same thing than you might think. It helps them deal with their own insecurities.
 
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jackja responded:
I personally think that every man no matter how macho, should have a least one homosexual experience in his life, it really helps you to define your self as a man. i had several opportunities, when i was in my late teens and early 20s i used looked very smooth and pretty almost like a girl. guys hit on me all the time, even guys that i would never imagine would want to have sex with another man. amazingly enough i was straight and couldnt even handle a kiss with another guy. i even had a hard time taking tight hug, much less sex...its funny because i like to see naked men i think its interesting but i just wouldnt get turned on by them.the day my a friend gave me a blow job i started to gaggle, until i finally threw up on him when i saw my cum dripping from his mouth, that was my first and last homosexual experience.i eventually began to grow more body hair and felt extremely attracted to women and i eventually began to accept the fact that i wasnt just straight but wanted a lot of sex with women. i have a weekness for pale white men, they look great to me, but again, its weird, i called it sensual i want to stare at them but i dont want touch them or have sex with them. it just doesnt work. you should try to have a sexual experience with a man and see what happens. just dont take it serious, its just sex.
 
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Luca_Brasi replied to jackja's response:
Well to each their own, but I disagree with you jacka as to " every man no matter how macho, should have at least one homosexual experience in his life "Furthermore you do not have to have the experience to identify your sexuality, and mother nature dictates who you are, not society.
I do not have an issue with this but I do not believe it is as wide spread as you would have us believe.
 
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GuardSquealer replied to jackja's response:
Once again someone that is justifying their actions by saying everyone should try it. It isn't just sex. There is a huge difference between heterosexual and homosexual. No matter what you might think.
 
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An_208204 replied to GuardSquealer's response:
I recently read a statistic that 100% of homosexual men have had sexual thoughts about women. You know if you have had those thoughts you might actually be hetrosexual.
 
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An_208205 responded:
this is funny because i thought I was one of the few peple who have these thoughts.I am in my fifties and have been married for over 20 years and the sex with my wife has been dwindling The sex was good over the years including oral.which i loved.To try to spice up things i try to have my wife experience anal sex,but she was nervous so during foreplay we would put finger into her anus and she would do the same to me. She did not like but i did,and i noticed that when i watch porn i was getting turned on by the males than the women.This got me thinking about what it would be like to have sex with a man.like you i did not want to disrupt my family life.I am still wondering if i should try it It beenfive months since you posted did you try it. should i try it.let me know. any response would help
 
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Jeremy3456 responded:
You are certainly not alone in having these desires. I think that many men (and women too) have have kinks, paraphilias or "forbidden" sexual desires even when they're in stable, fulfilling relationships of the kind they like and have always wanted.

But even when some people are in an ideal relationship such as marriage with frequent sex, these other desires persist. I used to think that kinky desires were the result of sexual frustration in general, and when I achieved a marriage with adequate sex, they would go away. But they didn't. This tells me that some people are truly bi-sexual, to some degree at least. If you desired different kinds of sexual positions with your wife and she didn't want to do them, that would be one thing. But your particular desires are sexual activity with another man, which your wife cannot possibly fulfill because she's not a man. And despite adequate amounts of sex with her, your desires for male sexual activity persist.

I don't know what to advise you, but I do have a comment that I guess is social or political in nature. I think the gay rights movement has done more harm than good to people like you because men feel they must now label themselves as gay if they have these desires at all. We've all seen the arguments presented in the media that many men have gay desires and they resist them because they're just not out of the closet yet. I don't think this represents reality because most of these men, like you, are attracted to and sexually aroused by women, and you prefer a sexually active married life with a woman. In such a situation, the ideal society would be something like what the Romans supposedly had, where the normal avenue for sexual activity was not dictated by gender per se, but simply by how sexually attractive one perceives a potential partner as. In other words, same-sex activity was common (although heterosexuality was obviously the norm and that's what produces offspring and makes families). I would like to see such occasional relationships be normal now, although perhaps not totally in the open or something that one brags about, but at least be available without stigma. Some may say that gays (or the LGBT community as they call themselves) are in fact promoting this openness, but I don't think they are. I think they polarize the issue and want to make the world more gay than it really is.
I explained my position to my fiance and she took issue with it. But then I said 'why not walk down the street naked, or have immediate sex with anyone we find attractive?' In other words, why do we have any inhibitions at all? As enjoyable (and necessary) as sex is, when you think about it, it must be inhibited and regulated in some ways. Every society does so. I think many more men would enjoy acting on the urges that you have if "gay" (or bisexual) sex were still in the closet. It always used to exist. From talking to older people I've known, it was not uncommon in, say, the 1950s for an average heterosexual male to go somewhere to get a blowjob from another male (either for free or for a small amount of money), and such a man would not think of himself as homosexual in any way whatsoever. But he didn't "come out of the closet" because there was no closet to come out of (well I guess there was sort of...) but such men married women in the normal manner and became family men like everyone else.

It's also noteworthy that for most young males entering puberty, same-sex activity such as mutual masturbation or exhibitionism with a male partner is quite common; in fact it used to be the nearly universal way that boys first became sexual with another person. From what I gather it is less common now but internet sexual activity in the same vein must be extremely common. Most boys outgrew it but there's something to be said for it. I see nothing wrong with acting out your urges with an adult male, but it doesn't have to mean you're gay or "officially" bisexual.
 
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Jeremy3456 replied to Jeremy3456's response:
One more point in my very long reply here: If your wife is understanding and okay with it, I don't think occasional male-to-male sexual activity would hurt your marriage. I doubt it would even affect the frequency of sex with your wife. But from what I've seen on other websites where men confess such relationships to their wives, the wives are sometimes jealous and sometimes feel helplessly inadequate because they cannot compete with the 'other' sex partner because he's male and she's not.

But I wonder if sometimes women unconsciously know that their man has bisexual tendencies and they sort of like it, even if this has not been directly talked about. I don't know. Some women are turned on by men acting that way and most women appear to know (and don't mind being around) gay men. And I'm amazed and shocked that women go to see male strippers. Women can have wild fantasies too although I think most people have a mental picture of what they want their married life to be like and want to settle down into that. Some fantasies are best left as fantasies because they cannot be acted out in a practical way.


The cultural "norms" that we have now --- which are in flux --- do not always match psychological reality about how people react and feel about sex. But I re-iterate: don't let the gay pride people be your voice or conscience. You don't have to let them speak for you.
 
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An_239444 replied to Jeremy3456's response:
Into a two year arrangement with a masseur that provides relief not being found at home -- after 40 years -- so we're not kids (although he is 20 something), I'd define myself as bi and very lucky to have such experiences later on in life! My first ever experience was as a very innocent 13 year old with a guy who was at least 18 who got me to expose myself so that he could check me for a disease. He taught me how to pleasure myself - was I ever happily surprised. I suppose that experience has lingered with me all these years to the point of wondering just how life might have been had it not happened. So, after 50 years, a man is back into my life and I can handle him, her and myself.
 
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fcl replied to An_239444's response:
You're missing some very important points Jeremy. If you think that a woman would be unhappy about her husband having sex with another man because she cannot compete on the same footing then you are very wide of the mark. It would be because her husband was CHEATING on her. Having sex with someone of your own gender is still sex. Who wants their spouse to go around getting their jollies outside of their marriage?

Youir sweeping generalities about women show a clear lack of understanding of half the species ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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fcl replied to Jeremy3456's response:
You'd like to see same sex relationships become a normal part of our world but feel that the LGBT lobby stigmatizes that? Jeez ... I'm sure they'll be pleased to know that it's their fault that people can't come out of the closet.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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Jeremy3456 replied to An_239444's response:
That's a great story! I too had a same-sex, kinky exploratory thing at age 12-13 and those thoughts have always lingered with me, too. I don't know if that experience made me somewhat bisexual or if I would have bisexual thoughts anyway. I'm glad it's working for you and your story gives me optimism. Are you still married and having sex with your wife?


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