Skip to content
Bf with no sex drive....help please
avatar
An_208223 posted:
Ive been dating a man for a year and we have a good relationship, except for our sex life. We are in our Mid-thirties.

He has no desire to have sex at all. Ever. When we do try he either cant get or maintain an erection. If we do have sex it lasts for maybe a minute.

Our relationship is suffering because of this!!! If anyone can give me some information or advise it would help.

I should add that we have tried over the counter pills such as Extenze and yes it did help give him an erection but still no desire or longevity. He has tried the prescription Levitra as well. It has only worked once for him and he has taken 6 of them in the last 6 weeks.

What can we do????? Is this a medical issue or a relationship issue??? Im so upset and so in need of answers.
Reply
 
avatar
Duckblind responded:
I'm guessing he has no sex drive because he knows he cannot get and maintain an erection, and does not want to take it any further. He does not seem to have the desire to even get help. Why has he not gone back to the doctor for say, Viagra or another brand? Or, is he sexually attracted to the other sex?
 
avatar
solomon46 replied to Duckblind's response:
wow!
 
avatar
HairyD responded:
There not anything medical that can make a male desire for a female. Therefore have male/ female sex. The pill can only made the penis erect.

It time for a talk face to face talk. Why is he in this relationship.
What is his sexual perference, must be answered honestly my him.

The mg of Levitra prescription was given by his doctor? Why wait a week between pills. I have taken 1/2 pill for morning loving. The other 1/2 pill that night .

If it a good relationship. I would be with him at a doctor.. Most doctor has no problem examining the male and discussing sex with a couple.

If he will not agree. It time to move on.

Keep us posted.
 
avatar
abe648 replied to HairyD's response:
If your guy is straight and and wants hetrosexual relations then he needs to be seen by a Doc to have all of this reviewed like the last poster said. Levitra 20 mg should give him an erection but then I have tried Cialis and it did not work for me. I prefer the Levitra but perhaps it does not work for him. If he tries some othere rectile dusfuction drug and it does not work then it is time to see a sex therapist.

If you love him and want to be with him work on this with him and explain to him that many men go through times like this and you want to help him to get the help he needs.
 
avatar
Jeremy3456 responded:
He should see a doctor if he thinks there's a problem. If he doesn't think there's any kind of problem, obviously you DO think there's a problem and him not seeing it (or not facing it) is a problem in itself, in which case couples therapy or other therapy might be called for.

My intuition tells me it's a relationship issue. Why do I think this? Because you are very upset over it, you post in bold type, and you seem almost hysterical. This suggests to me that you are putting a lot of pressure on him to get erect and "perform" for you during sex---which might be the very thing stressing him out of a satisfying sexual encounter with you.

Relax! Let him be what he is. If he doesn't cum with you or in you, it doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It's possible he has some sexual fantasies or turn-ons that he prefers to do, that he's embarrassed about doing with you or telling you about. If he hasn't been intimate with a woman very much until now, then he's probably been masturbating to whatever turns him on for years. It can be difficult for a male to relinquish the personal rhythm, friction and fantasies that he's used to and engage in a very different kind of sex where he's dependent on your rhythm and your ways of doing things. I'm sure he senses your worry and impatience and experiences it as a demand, which can certainly cause a loss of erection. He might not even be aware that your impatience is because you feel fearful of being unwanted if he doesn't sexually perform (if indeed that's true).

Try some exercises where you each write down sexual fantasies you have (or are curious about) and then share your lists with each other. If they're impractical to do or a true turn-off for one of you, then try watching them on porn together, or just let him masturbate once in a while. There's a huge range of human sexual behavior and preferences. You just need to find some sexual common ground.
 
avatar
cto312 responded:
I didn't start having sex until a little later in my life. I wanted to, but was too nervous when I finally had the opportunies.

I thought it might be medical at first but it was definetly a relationship issue.

Have you talked to him about it? Has he had many sexual experiences before? Does he want to have sex? Does he want to change or improve? Has he mentioned what the possible problems are for him? Stress? Habits? Medical?


Spotlight: Member Stories

Enjoy working out and staying fit. jes2col@live.com

Helpful Tips

being gay,bi,straight,lesbian,transgender
if it makes you happy to be gblst, who cares what others think! More
Was this Helpful?
0 of 5 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.