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Weigh In / Give Me Direction: Botched Circumcision / I can't get him off...
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An_239733 posted:
Okay, my parter and I have a mostly healthy sexual relationship / desire / appetite for each other. The problem has become apparent, however, that I cannot get him off - orally, vaginally, with my hand, at all. He has to masturbate, he's very particular about how, and even at that, after extended periods of intercourse it takes him anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes to orgasm.

I've offered repeatedly to do "whatever", hoping that it was a familiarity, trust, comfort thing and if he talked me through what he was desiring, I could provide it and we'd "break through", so to speak.

The problem is evolving now into affecting my interest and performance, and it's doing an emotional toll. We haven't been together that long and, while he can bring me to orgasm easily, multiple times, not being able to return the favor is doing a number on me, leaving me feeling inadequate and upset. I'm becoming unwilling to climax. And becoming less willing to put all my efforts into helping him since his answer to "what can I do?" is pretty much nothing.

He blames lack of sensitivity due to botched circumcision. There have been times where he says he's close with me, but loses his erection. Does it sound like I'm dealing with a bigger problem? And how can I help him let me be part of overcoming it together? I already deal with a wealth of my own insecurity when it comes to sex and my body - so I feel I 've already extended beyond my comfort zone with things I've offered and don't know where to go from here.
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HairyD responded:
You did not the state the age of your partner. But if he is losing his erection during sex., He may want to vist a doctor for a penis and body exam. You and he may have a discussion so he will know the questions and answers he needs to discuss with the doctor. The doctor know how the penis works therefore will give him honest and great information. But he has to ask the questions man to man or man to female.

You both are having a orgasm therefore there is NO problem. DO NOT MAKE A PROBLEM IN YOUR MIND. I have with practice always had a slooow orgasm. Continue with vaginal (differant positions select those were he is in control doggie, standing and differant speed in thrusting) Anal sex maybe a great release for him because of the tightness. But understand the male is not in full control of his penis. My wife (or female partner) understands we have to have 30 - 60 minutes of great sex for me to have a orgasm. Male's penis are not carbon copies. Keep us posted.
Stay HEALTH, you are the the fastest Sperm from your Father.
 
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Anon_475 responded:
It has nothing to do with a botched circumcision and EVERYTHING to do with him having accustomed himself to masturbating a particular way. Why not see a sex therapist who could help him re-learn how to masturbate more gently and also help you extend your comfort zone. He does not have to live with a stunted sex life ... unless he chooses to do so.
 
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Elle0317 replied to Anon_475's response:
Anon_475 is right. Some men who maturbate too much can only orgasm that way, he needs to re-train himself to orgasm during intercourse. The hand is much tighter and drier that no vagina can possibly duplicate that kind of stimulation.
 
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IAskDoTell replied to HairyD's response:
My partner is in his early 30's. Reading the replies below, and others I have come across on WebMD and other sites, I'm beginning to see that the problem is one of what he is accustomed to. That is fine, I'm sure it can be re-trained.

Already, 30-60 minutes of good sex is standard / necessary if he is even going to get off masturbating in the end. We recently discussed the issue, I was very blunt about how I feel and that my goal is to be more a part of his satisfaction. Again, I was simply assured that "I will get him there" but it takes time and I have to be patient. He also imparted that none of his other female partners have gotten him off - past girlfriends, etc. I have a very hard time believing this, but I'm trying to not be insensitive. If it is true, then I can see this is a very deep, very personal problem which I know frustrates him so I'm just happy he's opened up to me to this point.

However - he mentioned that he wants me to let him go down on me - which I'm not a fan of and never have been - and that that would help him "get there", if I will incorporate that into foreplay. I don't know what to think about that. But I'm willing to try.

I'm beginning to think that this case has nothing to do with any physical difficulties, but just very strong personal preference. It's just something I've never had to deal with. I'm trying to be sensitive and supportive, but I do have to deal with how it makes me feel.

Thanks for the reply, it was helpful and encouraging!
 
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FCL replied to IAskDoTell's response:
Just remember that it may not be easy for him to get used to less of a grip and it may take some time. Hang on in there ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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