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husband always goes soft once inside
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catsp posted:
I think I'm married to a selfish lover, it is all about him and his final goal...
I am a pretty complex person and need more than a little foreplay...
my husband frequently goes soft once he enters me and so i have to finish him off and then that's it.. I get a "thanks sorry about that I don't know what's wrong me". But when he enters from behind we don't usually have a problem.
I'm 45 and he is 55 and very frustrated that he never thinks about me.
We didn't have these problems early in our relationship and yes we have been together along time. I have told him that I need more than the little a squeeze and a finger.
He's a workaholic and talks incessantly about everything but our sex problems.
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FCL responded:
It's time he saw a urologist and had his testosterone levels checked. It may be as simple to solve as using a gel...

Are you getting the foreplay you need? Is he giving you oral? Does he manage to ejaculate? If the problem is communication, then see a counsellor (not necessarily a sex counsellor but a marital one because if you have trouble getting through in this area the chances are high that you are having trouble in others ...).

Have you tried talking to him about this in a non-sexual environment? Like outside of the bedroom, like a public place ...? Try it. If you're in a place where he doesn't feel threatened he may just open up ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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HairyD replied to FCL's response:
Catsp, FCL has great info... go with it. I do not think any husband / lover does not want to pleasure his partner and himself.
Mutual oral sex for foreplay could be a way for you to get your first BIG O for the session. What is your comment from the rear; anal or doggy / elephant. I know I am more turned on when I am in the driver sit and contol the thrusting. My wife normaly has mupltiply org. from the rear. Why are you not wanting this position.

Use your female charms and talk about this during dinner or the drive to the lake.. When you are in bed like your body and moaning and screams do the talking....
Stay HEALTH, you are the the fastest Sperm from your Father.
 
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cto312 responded:
On his end he may not see any sex problems... if he's reaching his goal but you aren't.. you may need to talk to him more to get across what YOU want.
Try taking some control and making sure you get what you want before he does.. or if he needs you to "finish him off," don't finish him off until he's taken care of your needs.
 
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Dick912 replied to cto312's response:
He probably has low "T". He needs time to relax and enjoy sex. You might have to do more with regards to keeping him excited like talking sexy (dirty),or be the agressor. Your needs are very important and he needs to realize that. There are many options such as bedroom toys. Some couples have introduced some one to assist in keeping things exciting.
 
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Dick912 replied to cto312's response:
This was for catsp
 
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Anon_51595 responded:
Going soft suggests he already came, in which case no need to finish him off, or he's then coming twice.

On top, you're internals may be too relaxed, so he gets very little sensation and goes soft. From the rear, maybe you tighten up unconsciously, , so you enjoy it more, and he does too so he can then stay hard longer.

I had this same thing happen recently, and was very surprised.
 
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PMNMS replied to cto312's response:
I would agree with this one. The prior ones have significant merit and should be taken seriously also...it seems that no matter how the issue is resolved it comes down to communication...if nothing more than you saying that you would be glad to finish him off, but please give me an orgasm first so I am not left high and dry!!!
 
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Torcal responded:
This is what sex counselors are for. If not physicians themselves they can send you both to the right ones to determine if there is any physical reason for your problem. If not, the counseling can help greatly.

I once had a long talk with a Urologist about sex, particularly from the male side. He said that "an orgasm happens inside your head, not your body".

Maybe your husband wants to please you so badly that he's obsessed with failure and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's therapist territory and I'm not one.


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