We have been dating for about 4 months, so it's still early. We haven't had sex as often as some other couples do early on in the relationship, but when we do have sex, I have always thought that it was good. I maintain an erection, she has an orgasm, so it's fine and the way it should be. But I think this is only on my end.
Apparently according to her, we don't have sex nearly enough. She tells me that her roommate has sexy nearly 3 times a day. She asks me if I am attracted to her and if she turns me on. The answer is obviously yes, and I don't really know how to respond to her when she says that.
A few days ago I helped her buy a new sofa for her apartment and when we got back she asked if we could "initiate the sofa" by having sex on it. I just wasn't in the mood at that point. I was sweaty and tired and just wanted to relax. She felt extremely rejected and got upset at me. We made up and I apologized but a few days later she got upset again and asked me how I would have felt if she turned me down. I told her that it wasn't so much of a turn down, more than it was just bad timing. She said that we never have sex and she would like to do it a lot more. So I told her that I would try to initiate it more often because I do in fact want to have sex with her too.
She had her period last week, so last night when she told me she was done I felt like intiating the sex. After literally a minute of foreplay, she told me to go get the condom. I was a little surprised because I wasn't fully erect yet. But I went to put the condom on and while I tried to get it on she asked me if I would have liked more foreplay and I told her I would have but it wasn't a big deal and we could just get to the sex. I stimulated myself a little and got the condom on, and then she asked me to take it off so she could perform oral sex. I told her that we should just start having sex. She got upset, turned away from me and went under the covers. We didn't talk the rest of the night and it was really awkward and uncomfortable.
I don't know what I did wrong. I initiated sex, she told me that she could sense I was getting turned on, but honestly, I didn't like that she just ordered me to stop doing foreplay and then when I tried to speed things up with her she tried to slow me down and go back to oral sex. It didn't seem natural, it just seemed too forced. She has an extremely large sexual apetite (more so than other girls I have been with) and I like that. But she really always talks about sex and forces the issue. I feel so pressured to always perform and make her feel coveted and desired. And then last night, I when I tried to meet her needs, she just pulled the plug on the whole thing. She didn't let the foreplay develop, she made me rush to put on the condom and then she made me stop and ignored me the entire night. This morning she told me that this isn't normal and that she has never been with a guy like this, and usually the guy wants it more than she does and that this situation is just weird.
I am starting to feel insecure about our relationship and whether or not I can meet her physical needs. I know that I am capable of it, and that I want to do it because I am extremely attracted to her. And I think it's ok for her to put a little pressure on me so I know to initiate things. But she is not working with me, it's like she has these high expectations for sex and I am really trying my best to meet them but I always end up coming up short.
I think sex is an important part of our relationship in her mind. It's important to me too, but not as important as it is to her. I really care about her a lot, but I get the feeling like if I don't step up to the plate and meet her physical needs that she will leave me. Last night I really tried to make it happen but I felt like she just stopped me.
I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to lose her.
This isn't all on you. I don't think it's very fair of her to compare you to her friends or her past relationships. Just because some guys want it 3 times a day and you don't, doesn't make either one of you wrong. Some people have different sex drives and needs.
I think it's very good of you to be willing to work with her or how you can meet her needs. It depends on the woman, but in the same situation with moving the sofa.. I'd probably feel the same way. Sorry, we just moved some furniture and I'm hot, sweaty and tired... not really an errotic moment.
I'm kind of getting the feeling that she may have some insecurity or self esteem issues. It's still early on in the relationship... but either one of you should be able to turn down sex without the other making a big deal about it.
And it almost seems like she is starting to make things more difficult on you by complicating the act... maybe trying to "get back at you." I want some foreplay.. okay now sex... no I changed my mind I want oral... you don't want oral now? That's absurd!
Try talking to her and finding out what she wants and what her expecations are... try to do what you can to meet them.. and approach her with a "yes" attitude whenever possible. She seems pretty fragile. Hopefully she is willing to compromise with you too... having sex a little less then she's used to.. and maybe during more common and romantic times?
If she's not willing to compromise, or things don't get a little better... you may be happier with someone with a more mature/casual stance on sex.. and she might be happier or need someone with a higher libido...
You are mismatched in the libido department. This is not uncommon. As cto312 said, it is time for frank discussion and if a compromise suitable for both cannot be reached it may be time to end the relationship.
I think there is always some desparity in libido with most couple but your may be too extreme. No one is to blame it is just that people are wired differently.
Minor differences can be worked out with good communication and compromise. Big differences that cannot be bridged will only bring more heartache and conflict.
relapse, when I was in school there were a number of girls that would come in the locker room. Us football player would line up for our turn. She would still want to meet me in the park in a day or two to screw. We all have differant sex drive. But if I was you I would vist a doctor and be checked. After moving the sofa. I would have had her give me a shower and massage. Then gave her pleasure. But I have always been a 3 or more time man. If after a frank discussion with the doctor (tell him everything.). You have the same issue I would end the relationship. So both of your can be happy with the right partner.
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