Sexual issues Member To Member

BUMP hey guard where are you hiding???????

Sorry. I am here tonight. I will check back. Go ahead and ask away and I will see if I can help.

HAY, Guard,, remember me, I recall the butterflies in your HAY. I had to change some stuff, but any way, its me. I guess i just needed someone that o know and trust on here, FCL is here at times, and she too helps, dont know if she knows me. I will try, here goes. I have alway had one of THE most perfect marriages, loved my SO very very much.. about a year ago, i realized that it was me, being all that made the relationship work, it was me doing all of the work, me being sexual, me taking care of house, farm, kids, me being affectionate, etc.. i feel as tho i have gotten the shaft over 20 years, as i have realized all that was missing in our marriage, its been missing all along, BUT i sudenlt realized it last year. I have told him, we've spent over a yr talking about it, and he's devastated. I;m never happy at home anymore, not happy to see him, and dont want him to touch me. My feelings have just changed. After many years of doing it all, and all ive asked for was sex, compliments, and affection, and just some freaking help at the house, and i realized that still i get nothing. I am resentful and broken. I cant see myself going on for another 20 years like this. I'm just very unhappy, and i have lost feelings for him,, i just see that he's not affectionate or loving, and over many many years this has hurt me for a long time. he's not loving, its always been me initiating sex, holding his hands, hugging him while he keeps his hands at his side... ive been very confused and hurt so bad that i cry about once a week. i'm devastated that i feel like this: i actually wish i could go back to the way i used to feel when i was under a bushell. Ive been so busy with my education, work, kids, family, and always tried to do right, be perfect, very accomidating in every way to everyone but myself:: now i feel like i'm being selfish to think about me, but it is what it is, LUV is here and im sad and feel helpless, and hate the thought of being single, but i feel so dang lonely.. its hard feeling lonely when hes right beside me. help me

Hay Lostlove,
I remember you. Pretty little blonde?

Sorry to here about your problems. I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes I feel the same way. I don't get a lot of love back from my wife.

So how can I help?

First reply was a little short. Something came up that I had to take care of.

Has he attempted to make any changes in himself? Tried to help you with things? If you still feel lonely after letting him know how you felt then I am guessing he hasn't really tried to change. It seems to me if he was really devastated he would be trying his hardest to make you feel better.

I know how you feel a little trying to take care of everyone else and not thinking about your own feelings and needs. I feel I have forgotten how to have fun myself. I have been so worried about my daughter and wife that I really haven't done much the last 10 years myself that I truely enjoy.

Pretty much a numb feeling.

Anyways I am willing to listen and see if there is anyway I can help.

THANKS Guard, yes it does help that you remember me, and it just makes me feel better that im not alone., He tries to do a few things, like he will pick up his dirty clothes at least once a week,, i'm so sick of asking him to do common sense stuff that i could scream, he's like another child.. i'm sick and tired of trying to get him to meet me 1/2 way and just grow up and pull his weight.. He's still not loving, he's pissed that i am going through this, blames it all on me for coming to the realization that ive been screwed, and he says that i will destroy the family. At this point, i feel like i will destroy the family by being unhappy and miserable and not close to my husband. I know he loves me, but I dont "feel" it, does that make sense? I do feel lost and numb and helpless.. I feel like my head is about to explode from the stress, and the kids are needy and yet its all me, he never raises a hand to help them,, i feel so overwhelmed. No, i have never never had ME time, and I have spend all of my reserves and i now feel bancrupt.. feel as tho ME never gets to shine through...

Unfortunately people don't like to change. Sounds like you have everyone spoiled. Usually they don't want to give up things once they get used to them.

Sounds like you need to have a little fun? What do you like to do? What would make you smile?

your correct.. ive lived my whole life and tried to please everyone, parents, siblings, boyfriend, husband and kids.. ive always wanted to be the perfect mother and wife: and i guess that meant that i make their life as carefree as i possibly could. I know that i have spoiled them, know that i made him rotten: i ould give anything to go back, and i know that some men would not have let me make not only a fool of myself, but not have let me be a slave, nor would they have notchipped in and just helped me a little over the years. I mean, did he actually think my mind and body could go on forever this way?? and what type of person see's someone struggling to get a job done, and they never get up and help them?? I used to like riding horses. I really like my house being clean, gardening, flowers, biird watching, walking and excercising, Im really easy to please, and can be happy doing nothing- and for the first time in my life, i am depressed, and i hate it! I cant stand this corner that i am in, and hate the unknowns! thanks Guard.

Well if you are ever my way stop by and go for a horseback ride.

Nothing like sitting down to watch TV in a nice clean house.

I was burnt out from working third shift for so many years, and coming home sleeping 2 hours and then going at it around the farm. Glad I took a break when I did. Not sure how it is going to work once hay baling season gets in full swing. Like next week.

I guess you have to decide if it is possible to salvage anything from your relationship with your husband. You may have to look deep and find forgiveness. Maybe counseling?

But life is too short to live unhappy for even a moment when you don't have to be. And don't feel bad about doing something for yourself.

yes, i think you are SO correct. as it is now, i dont get real enjoyment from my cup of hot coffee in my hand while i sit outside in the mornings before everyone else gets up. Dont feel the enjoyment from sittingoutside on a hay bale at night, watching the moon and stars and planes, with a cool brew in my hand, love being all alone in the great outdoors, but its just not there anymore.. its my heart, my heart is aching and totally sad inside. Until i get that happiness within myself back, i know my life will just not work. I can forgive my husband, i know that he never meant to do it, BUT my main issue is my restntment and feelings for him have just changed. My mother told me that once those feelings are gone, she thinks they are just gone... i dont know! Would love to leave for a while, just for me, but that's not possible with kids, work, etc.. and Ohio is so far for this Mississippi girl. Husband has been resisting counseling, we have always been very private, but i know a preacher that doesn't live here, doesnt know us, family, etc.. he would be perfect.. I definetely agree and now i know the feeling of spreading yourself too thin, or burning candle at both ends- i feel like i have nothing left to give anyone. I snap at the kids, and just not enjoying the simple things that have always made me happy. Life is indeed short, husband has a way of always telling me this is my fault, i'm destroying everything, etc... i dont have the answers, and i know that no one can tell me what to do, i just feel bad and so lonely, and it halps to talk about it, maybe someone understands. 5 years ago, i never would have imagined this is what would have come of my life. shambles it appears. How is your daughter? isnt she about sweet 16 now??

Actually she is now 19. For the last 10 years or so I have been throwing my money into her activities. A few months ago I finally had to stop and let her know that she would have to start helping figure out the financial situation for the horses.

She thought I should just let her have $10,000 to go to a show in Oklahoma. Pretty much told her I was done being broke all the time. So now she is having to do some budgeting herself and it seems to be helping.

Didn't realize you was from Mississippi. We were just down there in March. Only a 14 hour drive from Jackson. What part do you live in? How is it down there? Muggy yet?

Your not destroying everything. Can't really destroy something that is already gone. He isn't the one that was unhappy. Sounds like he had a sweet thing going.

Either way you will make it through. If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, Right?

You still around lostlove?

Good Morning Guard:: I am here,, getting busy at work. Cant believe baby girl is 19, and i think you made a great call: its time she realize that money doesnt grow in daddy's pocket. PLUS she's at a great age to start making her own, budgeting, and also when she finds a man to marry and settle down, she will be greatly dissappointed if his money isn't so freely given out as dear old daddy's. And you knwo that i know all about giving to others instead of ourselves. I love my children, and would easily take all of their pain, hurt, and of course walk through fire for them,, but the basic everyday things that i have done to spoil them, but things that they could have learned to do themselves, have made me sort of loose myself. It seems like "me" has been forgotten, i feel like i'm just wasting air that i breathe, and just like wind, just blowing around aimlesly, no real purpose... your right, husband was super happy, he had a good looking wife that catered to his every need,, i just wished he would have at least in all of these years cared enough to see that he could have met me 1/2 way.. he says he would have if i had told him it would end like this::: WTH! I didnt know! i'm just so sad, shallow, and heart broken. I went to bed at 8:30 last night b/c i was depressed and wanted the day over with, i layed in bed crying and praying that the Lord would just take me, since i feel so lost, and guide me to make the best decisions for all of us.. its just SO extremely hard to turn it allover to him, even tho i know he will protect me. thanks so much- it helps having a real friend, and someone to talk to, and you help me! i'm 3 hours north of Jackson Miss..

So how are you doing? Been busy working on hay the last couple months. Things have slowed down now, so I thought I would check in.