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Partner disagrees about sex issues
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An_252064 posted:
I was raped about 4 years ago. But since then I have been able to come a long way. However I am still deling with trust and sex issues. I have been in a steady relationship for 2.5 years and I like my partner alot.....as a friend. I did love him at first its just that things changed. I told hm my feelings last year but after having an emotional breakdown he acted as though nothing had happened and we got back together ( long distance breakups fail!). My issue now is that I do not want to have sex with him. It hurts physically and emotionally. Ive tried to explain this to him, told him its as a result of me being raped. But he still believes that his "love for me" would heal all my scars and make it all go away. When I told him it doesnt work that way he accused me of cheating, saying that only when a woman satisfies her needs other places does she lose interest in her man. I felt so hurt and betrayed, but since we moved in together for the summer, I had no choice but to makethings right. I dont want to spend my time living with a moody man and getting my depression worse. I feel trapped, because although I know there are ways to overcome my sexual issues, I am not sure I really want to have sex. I just want some time on my own to discover myself at my own pace.

What can I do?

Ps...I know this is a bit long so bear with me.
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fcl responded:
Have you been to counselling about your rape? It may be the best place to start if not - go back to the very root of the problem, so to speak.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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dick912 responded:
Couselling is a great start. My ex wife was abused by her father from the time she was 13 until she was 17 or even until she was 21. It may not have been as much abuse as she claimed because she never turned him down. She got over most of her past by talking about it often and was willing to do anything and everything sexual possible. This was an attempt to make sex fun and enjoyable as it should be.
 
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Anon_475 replied to dick912's response:
It makes no difference whether she turned him down or not. He abused his position of power as a father. This is one of the worst types of abuse. It's rape because she's underage and it's incest to boot. It's very hard for incest victims to stop being abused - they're stuck in a sort of coercion circle and breaking out from it is very hard indeed.

The doing anything and everything sexually is a very common sign of sexual abuse.
 
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dick912 replied to Anon_475's response:
Thank you for your comments and insight.


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