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coolgirl901 posted:
I'm a 26 yr old female. I've only had one sexual partner. I lost my virginity to this guy. He got tested for HIV and was negative before we had sex but, after we had sex he informed me that he had genital herpes and didn't know until he had his first outbreak after we had sex. This terrified me! I went and got tested and was given a clean bill of health. This was almost 5 yrs ago and I've haven't had sex since. I'm currently dating a new guy and I want to sleep with him but, I'm scared. I suggested that we go get tested. He said that he's fine with that if we get serious but, he wants to use condoms until then. But, I'm still very nervous about being intimate with him before we get tested even though I know we'll use condoms. I also have clinically been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. And I know that this contributes to my anxiety about sex. Please help someone and give me some good concrete advice. I really want to have a normal and healthy sex life and I don't want to lose a good guy because of my fears. Thanks
sluggo45692 responded:
Your 26 years old and only had one partner. Good for you. You are in control of your sex, and don't let a "good" guy tell you any different. If you want tested before you have sex with him, then say no till he does. After that, it's still up to you. If he doesn't get tested, then he's not worth you time. Condoms are good things, but piece of mind is better.
OCD is controlable. Talk to you doctor. I know when I was dating, I knew the woman was in control of when and where the sex was going to be. I always stated what I wanted, but it was her decision.
In this day and age, STD's kill. So don't just take his word on it. Live and love for all of your natural life. Don't let a few moments of pleasure cut your life short.
By the way, if your human with concerns, then your normal.
fcl responded:
I think the simplest thing to do would be to go and get tested. I disagree with not getting tested until you get "serious". A responsible person should get tested before getting intimate. Risks occur when you get intimate not when you get serious.

Getting tested (both of you) would considerably ease your mind.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

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