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Tramp or Treasure? Need a man's input ;)
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happy2bapanda posted:
Ok boys, I'd love to get your take on this; if you met a woman who was completely into you, and she was fun and sweet, and totally your type, BUT she slept with you almost immediately, would you lose a little respect for her and lose the desire to make your relationship a long lasting one (even if the sex was amazing)? We all know what the ladies would say: "Women need to have more respect for themselves," or, "Sex is special and should wait for [x> amount of time," and so on. But I want to pick a man's brain. How would you feel in this kind of situation about the girl? Would you consider her a tramp or a treasure?
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GuardSquealer responded:
I have been together with my wife for over 20 years. We slept together the first date. I was glad she did. The sex was great. I always took pride in the fact that I was able to have sex with most of the women I dated on the first date. Why would I hold it against them if they didn't hold it against me. Or if the did hold "it" against me. lol. I think the double standard is funny. A girl that has sex on the first date or with a bunch of guys is a called a whore, but a guy does it and he is a hero.

So I say she is a treasure. I feel that my wife is.
 
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fcl replied to GuardSquealer's response:
Great post, Guard. I loathe double standards too.

I had sex with my current partner on our first date (technically, before our first date - lol) too. And that was in March 1983...

I would never consider him to be a tramp, the man is a treasure.
 
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rest2010 replied to fcl's response:
When a guy consistently has sex on the first date I wonder if he is just out to have sex with as many women as he can and not find someone to have a relationship with. If he finds a compatable girl and they 'click in bed' and enjoy each other and get married, great.
When a girl dates a guy for the first time and frequently has sex on the first date, she either is trying to impress him to get his attention, or has a man's sex drive and she could be a treasure. Her motivation is the key.
 
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fcl replied to rest2010's response:
"a man's sex drive"


There is no such thing. There are people with high libidos and people with low libidos but to ascribe one or the other to a single sex is just not realistic. It's with stereotypes like that that men with low drives get labelled "abnormal" and women with high libidos get labelled "nymphos".


We are all different
 
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mitchs22 responded:
first of all nice post. I think it matters how you feel about her. If you're having trouble on what to do. then just go out with her a couple more times just to see what you think. And she might have slept with you because she felt a connection. I understand the respect thing though too, but the respect thing never really came up until my friends found out and they put there two sense into it. just go out with her again and try to see really how you feel besides what do you have to lose, you said the sex was great.
 
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An_208351 responded:
If She is intellengent and has a nice personallity then it would not matter.

However women who lack those things use sex to make up for it.
 
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fcl replied to An_208351's response:
And so do men ...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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jamaicanrudeboy replied to rest2010's response:
I agree with you somewhat, as a previous post mentioned, it is a bouble standard, if I went out with a girl on the first date and we vibe together, conversation and everything you can pretty much get an understanding of where the evening or the relationship is going, either this is gonna be a one night stand or some what long term. So if it turns into a sexual experience ( either good sex or bad sex) its up to the both of you at the end of the day agreeing if this is worth going forward with or just cut your losses and move on. Just a food for thought she or he may be the one, mmmmmm, wouldn't you wanna know?
 
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Jeremy3456 responded:
I would feel that she is too much of a risk to enter into a sincere or potentially long-term relationship with. That's because she jumps in the sack too quickly. If she slept with me almost immediately, then how could I possibly know that she was totally my type (or I hers), or completely into me when she's only been around me for a few hours in total? If she believed that then she's shallow and doesn't really know people like she claims she does.

Few men would refuse sex if it's offered to them eagerly but therein lies the problem: I couldn't trust her to not be eager with some other guy after meeting him for an hour either.
 
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rhondamay replied to Jeremy3456's response:
Jeremy3456 how long should a woman wait to have sex to meet your approval? Six dates? Twelve dates? Twenty-four dates? What is the magic number so you can be sure she is not a wanton slut? It's cool for guys to put out on the first date, that's a given but women are held to a totally different standard in your eyes. That is so much B.S.
 
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Jeremy3456 replied to rhondamay's response:
It's not BS at all, Rhonda. Sex is a different psychological act for men than it is for women, in many ways.

I would say 48 dates should take place before a woman has sex. Okay, I'm kidding! But I hope you see my point about sex on the first date. It would also seem that sex is more than just sex for a woman who wants to jump in the sack on the first date, like she is using it to make up for other problems or she is seeking reassurance too much, or she is afraid of being abandoned or something. The amazingness of the sex doesn't make up for that: the risk is still there and perceived by the man.

I suppose there are sub-cultures, places and age groups where one-night stands are common. It happens, and if that's your thing, then that's your thing. Many men will simply take what they can get, especially if they're young and in college. It's costly, tiresome and frustrating to keep hunting.

But in the course of "normal" relationships (whatever that means---"average" young adults I guess), I would say sex on the third or fourth date if you really hit it off. Possibly as late as the 6th or 7th. If one is seeking a serious or long-term relationship and sex has NOT occurred by about the 6th or 7th date, then I'd be suspicious of that too. Maybe the girl has other issues like fear of sex or intimacy, or is using religion as her neurosis or some other problem. And that's in the normal, average course of relationships. In some situations a "date" might mean a brief meeting or a lunch date because that's all you have time for, in which case you still need more time to get into the relationship.

A problem I've had in the past, and this might be a problem for you from the urgent tone of your post, is that one wants to cement the relationship or take it to the next level beyond casual dating, but there's the need to act quickly or else lose the other person because of travel, school, or whatever. So it's a gamble sometimes: the stages of the relationship are on course, but the timing may be a little rushed. You risk losing them if you make the next move and risk losing them if you don't. Yes, Rhonda, men have these problems and not just women!
 
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cto312 responded:
I wouldn't completely lose desire but it would make me a little cautious.
Ladies that put out very quickly instead of getting to know me or letting me get to know them is sometimes a bad sign...
 
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fcl replied to Jeremy3456's response:
This may come as a surprise to you, Jeremy3456, but there are women out there who don't wait demurely for sex simply because they have high sex drives not because there's something psychologically wrong with them.

I slept with my current partner on our first date and that was 28 years ago. Trust me, I wasn't looking for reassurance of any kind (I knew what I wanted), nor was I afraid of being abandoned (I was working and living in a foreign country by my own choice), I simply wanted sex with that man! I also knew that I'd be going back to my country 2-3 months later so I wasn't even looking for a husband (lol).

Accept it, women have libidos too!
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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rhondamay replied to Jeremy3456's response:
Jeremy, you are mistaking disgust for urgency. I doubt any woman having sex on the first date is trying to cement the relationship (What relationship?). Men don't have the corner on casual sex. Often times sex is just sex!

I am also a strong believer in what's good for the gander is also good for the goose.


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