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I CANT stand to be around my sons dad!
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JaylensMom529 posted:
I have a 2yr old with a married man. Yes, I know it was wrong for us to have an affair, but we now have a child. I ended the affair 1 1/2yrs ago when I FINALLY came to my senses. Hes a good dad for the most part. Our son, Jaylen is his only child. My problem is, Joe (Jaylens dad) lies probably 90% of the time. When we were "together" he cheated on me too (5yrs ago). I found out a few mths ago that hes supposedly having a baby with her. So now everytime he asks to change visitation days or if I invite him to be involved in an activity with Jaylen and he says hes busy the first thing I think is hes with "her". I dont love him anymore and this isnt jealousy. He just started working a few mths ago and this is the FIRST job hes had (longer then a few days) since I met him almost 6 yrs ago. His wife has supported him (apparently she dont care that he cheats and gets other women pregnant as she cant have kids). So I know hes a liar and I cant trust him but it aggravates me to NO end when I know hes lying when he wants to change his visitation days. He says hes "working" (he works with his brother) but on these "mysterious" days, he doesnt call to check on Jaylen, he only texts (which is one way I know hes lying about working). Jaylen has alot of medical issues and hes back and forth to the Dr and specialists so it makes me even angrier when hes not able to be there. I have let him come almost every night since Jaylen was born for us to bathe him and put him to bed together, but I cant stand seeing him everyday anymore. He filed paperwork through the courts to get court ordered visits even though I let him have Jaylen 2 days a week. I just started getting child support in Oct. Hes very selfish and I havent asked him for anything for Jaylen in a long time, but a few days ago I asked for a few diapers until I got paid and he said I had to "pay" the diapers back as he pays child support. Ive tried to ignore him and not argue, fight, etc. but I think he does/says things just make me mad. I have tried to tell him he cant come at night anymore, but then Jaylen gets upset at bedtime and cries for Daddy. So, im in a predicament and I know I got myself into this mess, I just dont know how to get out of it. Yes, we have messed around a few times since our "breakup" but I made it clear to him that im not doing it anymore as I know hes just using me. ANY suggestions on what to do????
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nlmoore responded:
Ok. Been there done that, and I am begging you to STOP. You have to cut him off from you and let him go to court to get an order, this way you will have an oppurtunity to talk to the Judge yourself. Most men are afraid of that because that is when their skeletons come out of the closet. However, if you keep sleeping with him then it looks like you are accepting what he is doing. As women we must remember that men are only going to treat us and our children the way WE let them.

Decide what you want then go from there, if this is something that you do not want then you need to make some new arrangements. It is your house and if you do not want him to come over after a certain time then YOU have to STOP that. You do not have to cater to him, but for the sake of your son you are going to have come to some type of co-operative arrangement.

My daughter too has medical problems and her father would choose to come and see her once every couple years. When she was in a coma for 36 hours due to her health he never showed up, and 6 weeks after she came home from the hospital he called and told me it was my fauly because i did not allow him to see her when he had time.

Men like him and presumably your son's father only want to be fathers when it is convenient for them. I don't like drama and I do not like being manipulated and lies too. I got tired and stopped his 1 every two year visits that is why he is upset with me, that and i refuse to sleep with a man who likes to sleep around. I am a firm believer in if i allow you to treat me like nothing then you will.

Live your life and take care of your son, and do not let a father who wants his cake and obviously eat it too have what he wants when he wants. The child's needs must always come first, but is his father a good example of the kind of man that you want your son to be. That is something to think about.


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