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EXWIFE vs GIRLFRIEND
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An_208188 posted:
I am a single mother of one, dating a single father of 2. I love my boyfriend dearly - we're long time friends - but our relationship is being controlled and dictated by the ex wife. She has thrown so many fits and gotten so ugly, that she said she doesn't want me around the kids, and he follows her wishes because she's so horrible to deal with.

However, she also guilts him and tells him he is a bad father is he doesn't spend every minute he's not working with his kids, which means after work, every day that they are with her, he goes to her house until 8:30 at night, so we don't see each other until late at night, and don't each other when HE has the kids, because the kids are there and she doesn't want me around them

She yells in front of the kids all the time, and talks dirty in front of them and belittles Dad and calls him stupid and calls him a liar and makes up accusations and tells him she can break us up any minute that she wants to... all in front of the kids.

She often won't go home from Dad's house at night and gets in bed with him and the oldest son.

She makes him feel guilty like he is taking time away from the kids if I call him, so on the rare occasion that I do call, he won't answer because he doesn't want her to yell in front of the boys.

If she does throw a fit and he tells her to leave, she threatens to take the boys and not let him see them, because he "doesn't care about them" .... The custody arrangement is not final, so he lets her do whatever she wants.

Their 4 year old son was recently diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, so they are both on leave from work to "adjust". I understand, and have told him I know they have a lot to deal with. However, he says they are pretty used to things now. It's been a few weeks and either mom goes to dad's house EVERY DAY ALLLLLL day, or he goes to her house and they spend the day with the boys until bed time. They go out to eat and to the park, and he mows her lawn and weeds the yard and cooks and cleans up - they are basically playing "family", but only temporarily. He tries to make me feel guilty for telling him our relationship still needs to have some amount of quality time invested in it, especially being with his ex so often, but he tells me he wants to be with his kids as much as he can, and asks if I am saying I don't want him to be with his kids. Well, if I had my way, dad would have the kids all the time because of mom's instability. And I babysat the kids for months and have a great relationship with them, so there's no reason he and I should not be able to hang out with them and my daughter together.

Anyway, I said all of that to ask this - am I crazy, or, now that they are both individually capable of functioning with the diabetes issue on their own, is it emotionally, mentally unhealthy for the kids to suddenly have a mom and dad all day long, when that arrangement is going to go back to separate mom and dad in a few weeks?

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Should divorced parents spend all day with their kids together and sleep in bed together with the kids when they do not plan on getting back together, and dad has a girlfriend that the kids know as his girlfriend?
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ImMe26 responded:
Im divorced and a parent of 3 (getting divorced techincally, already divorced for 4yrs in my head) and in my honest opinion that is normal or warranted. They arent doing anything but confusing the kids , period.

"Umm daddy has a GF and he and mommy still sleep in the same bed" -What this is teaching them is dysfunction.

I wouldnt put up with that AT all.

I think you need to sit him down and tell him alll you have said here. And the take his answers and see if that is something you can deal with that.

Id say he doesnt respect you very much.
 
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ImMe26 replied to ImMe26's response:
Oh gosh...meant NOT NORMAL. Im sorry for the typo.


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