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Single Parent dating a Non Parent
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MuskokaRx posted:
I am a divorced woman with 2 children (divorced for 2 years now...) and have finally decided to get back into the dating world.

I have met a wonderful man...we emailed back and forth for 9 months before we met...as friends only. I was so hesitant to get involved with anyone because I didnt want my children to go thru a break up again.

We have now been dating for 6 months...we live an hour apart and travel back and forth when we can. My kids love him and he loves them.

Problem? Hes having problems adjusting because hes not their father. He doesnt want to screw them up if things dont work out between us, and he doesnt know where his boundries lie. Ive told him that parenting is natural and no one has all the answers. I learn on a daily basis what im supposed to do. Unfortunately he feels like he needs to fit into this mold of being the perfect person for them. I have just reassured him that right now he needs to be a friend to start,..

Hes putting too much pressure on himself. THe relationship is perfect except for his insecurities with being in that role. And because of that would like to end things.....

Anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
4 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Single Parent dating a Non ParentI am a divorced woman with 2 children (divorced for 2 years now...) and have finally decided to get back into the dating world.<br /> <br />I have met a wonderful man...we emailed back and forth for 9 months before we met...as friends only. I was so hesitant to get involved with anyone because I didnt want my children to go thru a break up again.<br /> <br />We have now been dating for 6 months...we live an hour apart and travel back and forth when we can. My kids love him and he loves them. <br /> <br />Problem? Hes having problems adjusting because hes not their father. He doesnt want to screw them up if things dont work out between us, and he doesnt know where his boundries lie. Ive told him that parenting is natural and no one has all the answers. I learn on a daily basis what im supposed to do. Unfortunately he feels like he needs to fit into this mold of being the perfect person for them. I have just reassured him that right now he needs to be a friend to start,..<br /> <br />Hes putting too much pressure on himself. THe relationship is perfect except for his insecurities with being in that role. And because of that would like to end things.....<br /> <br />Anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
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An_208191 responded:
If this is the perfect relationship, how can you say you would like to end things? The reason you give is an inevitable, common "bump in the road" of this relationship. So, either the relationship is perfect and you begin to develop a plan to integrate him into your family....there are many resources available, don't reinvent the wheel OR it is not so perfect and this is your excuse.

Be patient with him and remember what it was like before you were a parent! I love your attitude and hope he appreciates and respects you as a mom/parent. We all do the best we can. My mantra is: No one should ever give unsolicited parenting advice, especially one who does not have children!

Maybe you should leave him alone with the kids for a week.

Easier said than done, I realize.

Best wishes!
Report This| Share this:Single Parent dating a Non ParentIf this is the perfect relationship, how can you say you would like to end things? The reason you give is an inevitable, common "bump in the road" of this relationship. So, either the relationship is perfect and you begin to develop a plan to integrate him into your family....there are many resources available, don't reinvent the wheel OR it is not so perfect and this is your excuse. <br /><br />Be patient with him and remember what it was like before you were a parent! I love your attitude and hope he appreciates and respects you as a mom/parent. We all do the best we can. My mantra is: No one should ever give unsolicited parenting advice, <b>especially</b> one who does not have children! <br /><br />Maybe you should leave him alone with the kids for a week.<br /><br />Easier said than done, I realize.<br /><br />Best wishes!
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Anon_148081 responded:
I waited until she fell in love with me before I told her about the kids and then it was too late. She had to take the whole package.
Report This| Share this:Single Parent dating a Non ParentI waited until she fell in love with me before I told her about the kids and then it was too late. She had to take the whole package.
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zombiearrrg responded:
I'm a single parent to a one and half year old. I am still doubting my parenting skills and question if I do the right things. This is part of being a parent. You don't know everything, you just do what you feel is right. If you been talking as friends for 9 months and dating for 6, that is over a year. You ought to know if you feel this person could be the one to join your family some day. He already knows the kids and they know him.
Report This| Share this:Single Parent dating a Non ParentI'm a single parent to a one and half year old. I am still doubting my parenting skills and question if I do the right things. This is part of being a parent. You don't know everything, you just do what you feel is right. If you been talking as friends for 9 months and dating for 6, that is over a year. You ought to know if you feel this person could be the one to join your family some day. He already knows the kids and they know him.
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delilahquinn responded:
I think what he should do is come spend a few days at your house and see how it feels to be a dad. You might want to ask him if that's ok. My Friend went through the same thing and now they are engaged.
hopefully his worries will pass.
Report This| Share this:Single Parent dating a Non ParentI think what he should do is come spend a few days at your house and see how it feels to be a dad. You might want to ask him if that's ok. My Friend went through the same thing and now they are engaged.<br />hopefully his worries will pass.
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