Singles Coping

This is a great idea, i'm for it.

I'm newly single at 53, after 3 years in a relationship that got steadily worse. (Details aat "Relationships & Sexual Health" community). Embracing my single status is key now -- am sorry to see the slow start here....
My life is full and meaningful, but I never thought I'd still be alone 9 years after divorce. Life is good, just want to share it with a good man.
Turned off by internet experiences, and I've met no singles via "natural means."
I'm trying to embrace a joyful life alone, honestly accepting that my time with men (17 years with ex-husband, 3 years with ex-bf) may be over, just can't predict.
What I've learned through all this is NEVER compromise my standards (I've done that too much, wound up w/ mean men), and stay in today, grateful for the life I DO have and the opportunities to make a difference. That should be enough, right?
I'm decent looking for my age and sexuality is better than it's ever been, feel like it's my chance for a last dance, and I won't get to go.
Does growing old gracefully mean I should to mourn this and accept a life alone? I don't want to!

I am 31 and a single man. Been single most of my life despite always being surrounded by women. Had 3 long relationships and they all ended up ending terribly. Don't think I will ever be able to have a real relationship again due to not wanting to ever go through another horrible break up. I am glad this "Singles" board was created. I often read this board but never had a reason to post untill now! Thanks!

SliceofLife -- glad to hear from someone on singles board. Hmmm.... I'm wondering how long it's been since last breakup -- I don't know anyone who simply moves on perfectly smoothly with no painful feelings -- it's always hard. I am quite sure you can have a great relationship if you want to -- you have your whole life ahead of you!

I hope you'll share more about yourself and why you don't think you can have a real relationship -- you will find much support, and it helps to write, anyway.

Hey Old Friend,
Nice to see you started a forum for those of us who don't seem to fit anyplace else.

Looking forward to participating.

"Does growing old gracefully mean I should to mourn this and accept a life alone? I don't want to! "

I ask myself that same question every night. The answer is NO!

The solution, the way back, now that is something I just cannot figure out- how to reconnect when no one I know wants to connect with me.

It is certainly a mystery who some of us cannot seem to have what is such a basic part of life and maybe the only thing that really matters.

It looks like there is no one participating here anymore.

I could sure benefit for a friend just now. Every where I turn the doors are closed to me.

Man, I am about out of this life.

Hi Abacadabra7,

You sound like you are depressed from what you've written, so I'd like to point you to our Crisis Assistance link in the left hand side navigation bar. While the day may not have been a great one for you, it's only one day and you must take things one day at a time. Are you currently under a doctor's care or do you have anyone in real life that you can talk to?

Sometimes these new communities don't get a lot of traffic so you may want to pick on that has an health professional on it to reconnect with your online friends here!

Take care!

- Annie

Annie,
Thanks for the kind thoughts.
I have been seeing several therapists for some years now. Two told methey could not help me. One I have been seeing for 18months. She started out thinking I could break out of myisolation./ She does not think that any more and is trying to get me toaccept that my situation is not likely to change.

My depression is easy to understand- no family, no friends and no social life. If I had a social life and could go on dates and have some romance and love in my life- find a partner- that would be the end of my depression. So easy to fix, so hard to solve.

I have no where to go, except to dissappear in the mountains. That is my plan for my birthday- coming up in mid October. Every year I take that lonesome journey, not sure if I am coming back.. I sit on a rock and reflect on my life- past and prospects for the future. There is no change year to year. One of these trips I will not come back from. That is OK.. We all die. At least in my case, it will be easier for everyone else. No one will notice I am gone for a long time.Then my neighbors will come and help themselves to my property, which is fine. My animals will suffer so I may wait until most of them are gone.

I came here checkin out the NEW feed. I was thinking your idea for SINGLES was a great one, since I am single, and I think about boys way way too much, for how much of a mess my last relationship turned into. I really want a man to just LOOOVE ME too.
Look abacadabra... I just went up in the mountains this weekend, with this guy that I adore. I dont think he realizes that I adore him so so much. And he talks just like you "I could stay in the mountains forever" and even though its so beautiful there... I asked myself why he would rather be alone? I agree with Annie that you sound depressed. Which makes me wonder if this boy that I adore so is depressed too....
abacadabra! You should get on a dating site! have you tried online dating? It can be very scary rigth at first... BUT I can be your dating coach :D help you pick the real from the fake, the real women from the... guys pretending to be men for fun. There are wierdos out there, but most of us feel just like you and are singing find me some body to love,find me some body to love,find me some body to love, one of my favorite Queen songs by the way...

See Abra, heres a lady willing to be your dating coach. That's a good sign.

ya I hope mr aba is okay :D I need dating advice lets get this feed moving! LoL!

lissmeanstrouble,

Since you need dating advice why not start a thread about it? We can't give advice without sumbody posting a situation, ya know? :)

Wow! That is a really nice offer and one I cannot refuse. I seem to be in need of advice.

I have participated on Eharmony, Match.com, Chemistry.com, Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid for almost four years. I have spent countless hours composing messages and sent hundreds of emails. My last count was somewhere close to 300. Out of that, I have three replies. Two thanked me for writing but were not interetested in continuing. One has led to a phone call and we meet for lunch tomorrow.

Eharmony provided around 25 matches, none would respond.
Match.com- no responses.
OK Cupid- No responses.
Chemistry.com- several matches but no responses. I even tracked down the Pyschologist who developed their matching model to ask her why it is not working- no replies. She was shocked to learn that, had never heard of such a thing happening but had no idea what I should do. She read my profile as has my own therapist- a very attractive and popular woman in my community.She also could not find anything weird or objectionable.

So, I can say that on-line dating has been a dissappointment for me and triggered severe depression many times. I am past the depression part but do not know where to go from here.

I have voluntered at many events. I am friendly and outgoing. I help women who ask me for help. None of this leads to so much as a cup of coffee. I must be the most unpopular man that ever lived in this area. I mean it is astonishing how the most basic forms of contact and communication are met with nothing other than stoney silence.

So, if you have any ideas- do let me in one them. They will be greatly appreciated.

Life, as I have known it for many many years is not worth the trouble without having even a basic social life.