Singles Coping
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single but "friend with benefit"?
qr_fml posted:
So here's my story in the short version....I started talking to his guy since Jan 2010. Then we decided to have sex in July 2010. Ever since then we got closer and closer as friends and we continued having sex.
The problem is, its been 1 year since we started "talking" and its gonna be 6 months since we started having sex. He tells me he likes me and enjoy spending time with me (hanging out as friends and then the sex part too). He knows i really like him, and i know he likes me.
Problem is, his ex-girlfriend broke it off with him a while ago and I don't think he's over her as yet. When we recently met, he told me he bought a $10k ring and everything for her and he never got the chance to even propose to her b/c she randomly decided to go back to her ex boyfriend. The history on them is that they were friends for 7 years and they dated for 1 1/2 years until she broke it off.
Ok, here is where it gets annoying. His ex-girl keeps requesting him then deleting him off facebook for a few months and now i think she's attempting to be friends with him or get back with him (I'm not sure yet what exactly she wants).
Even though he tells me he misses me and likes me alot, i'm thinking Why isn't he asking me to be his girlfriend? We talk day and night literally 24/7/365.
I do press the situation to him about us being officially together but he just isn't making that step forward to ask me. What do you guys think he's waiting for?
We do spend time together and not have sex. We go to the movies and mall and talk just like friends actually do. This past weekend he actually asked me to go out of town with him and his group of friends. but i had to decline b/c I'm sick and i also have my monthly visit. I'm thinking he wanted an opportunity to be alone with me? b/c we are always working and i have school, so our schedules are tight but we still see each other once a week or more.
The problem is, its been 1 year since we started "talking" and its gonna be 6 months since we started having sex. He tells me he likes me and enjoy spending time with me (hanging out as friends and then the sex part too). He knows i really like him, and i know he likes me.
Problem is, his ex-girlfriend broke it off with him a while ago and I don't think he's over her as yet. When we recently met, he told me he bought a $10k ring and everything for her and he never got the chance to even propose to her b/c she randomly decided to go back to her ex boyfriend. The history on them is that they were friends for 7 years and they dated for 1 1/2 years until she broke it off.
Ok, here is where it gets annoying. His ex-girl keeps requesting him then deleting him off facebook for a few months and now i think she's attempting to be friends with him or get back with him (I'm not sure yet what exactly she wants).
Even though he tells me he misses me and likes me alot, i'm thinking Why isn't he asking me to be his girlfriend? We talk day and night literally 24/7/365.
I do press the situation to him about us being officially together but he just isn't making that step forward to ask me. What do you guys think he's waiting for?
We do spend time together and not have sex. We go to the movies and mall and talk just like friends actually do. This past weekend he actually asked me to go out of town with him and his group of friends. but i had to decline b/c I'm sick and i also have my monthly visit. I'm thinking he wanted an opportunity to be alone with me? b/c we are always working and i have school, so our schedules are tight but we still see each other once a week or more.
33 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?So here's my story in the short version....I started talking to his guy since Jan 2010. Then we decided to have sex in July 2010. Ever since then we got closer and closer as friends and we continued having sex.<br /><br />The problem is, its been 1 year since we started "talking" and its gonna be 6 months since we started having sex. He tells me he likes me and enjoy spending time with me (hanging out as friends and then the sex part too). He knows i really like him, and i know he likes me.<br /><br />Problem is, his ex-girlfriend broke it off with him a while ago and I don't think he's over her as yet. When we recently met, he told me he bought a $10k ring and everything for her and he never got the chance to even propose to her b/c she randomly decided to go back to her ex boyfriend. The history on them is that they were friends for 7 years and they dated for 1 1/2 years until she broke it off.<br /><br />Ok, here is where it gets annoying. His ex-girl keeps requesting him then deleting him off facebook for a few months and now i think she's attempting to be friends with him or get back with him (I'm not sure yet what exactly she wants).<br /><br />Even though he tells me he misses me and likes me alot, i'm thinking Why isn't he asking me to be his girlfriend? We talk day and night literally 24/7/365.<br /><br />I do press the situation to him about us being officially together but he just isn't making that step forward to ask me. What do you guys think he's waiting for?<br /><br />We do spend time together and not have sex. We go to the movies and mall and talk just like friends actually do. This past weekend he actually asked me to go out of town with him and his group of friends. but i had to decline b/c I'm sick and i also have my monthly visit. I'm thinking he wanted an opportunity to be alone with me? b/c we are always working and i have school, so our schedules are tight but we still see each other once a week or more.
butterfly19790424 responded:
I think maybe you should just come out and ask him if he has feelings for you.
You have feelings for him and if you can't handle the FWB with the feelings he doesn't return its time to let him go.
You have feelings for him and if you can't handle the FWB with the feelings he doesn't return its time to let him go.
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?I think maybe you should just come out and ask him if he has feelings for you. <br /> <br />You have feelings for him and if you can't handle the FWB with the feelings he doesn't return its time to let him go.
Bobbob24 responded:
Did he only have sex with you the one time?
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?Did he only have sex with you the one time?
qr_fml replied to butterfly19790424's response:
think thats a good idea too...i think i'm just scared of rejection...i honestly never been rejected before..i was always in long term relationships 3 years plus
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?<i>think thats a good idea too...i think i'm just scared of rejection...i honestly never been rejected before..i was always in long term relationships 3 years plus</i>
nope...alot of times...
qr_fml responded:
spoke to him today and he says he's not yet emotionally ready to handle a relationship. which is understandable, he did say I'm "cool" and "fun" to be around, and agreed with me the only way is to move forward with us. Just extremely slow b/c he said he doesn't "know himself"...any idea what that really means?
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?<i>spoke to him today and he says he's not yet emotionally ready to handle a relationship. which is understandable, he did say I'm "cool" and "fun" to be around, and agreed with me the only way is to move forward with us. Just extremely slow b/c he said he doesn't "know himself"...any idea what that really means?</i>
butterfly19790424 replied to qr_fml's response:
OK... Im going to be honest. I was seeing a guy for 6 mons. About 4 mons into the relationship I asked him the same thing. He said he wanted to take things slow so it would last. Two months later, he tells me he met someone else and we could be friends. The next week he is moving her in and he loves her.
If he isnt emotionally ready you need to let him go. I should have listened to my gut when I knew it was time to.
If he isnt emotionally ready you need to let him go. I should have listened to my gut when I knew it was time to.
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?OK... Im going to be honest. I was seeing a guy for 6 mons. About 4 mons into the relationship I asked him the same thing. He said he wanted to take things slow so it would last. Two months later, he tells me he met someone else and we could be friends. The next week he is moving her in and he loves her. <br /><br />If he isnt emotionally ready you need to let him go. I should have listened to my gut when I knew it was time to.
longduckdong46 replied to butterfly19790424's response:
It sounds to me like just maybe he wants to keep you on the side as a fallback. I know that sounds harsh qr but I have seen this type of behavior before.
I would not be surprised if he is on some dating websites and seeking more relationships with others while you are stewing in the dark.
My assumption of course.
Good luck !
I would not be surprised if he is on some dating websites and seeking more relationships with others while you are stewing in the dark.
My assumption of course.
Good luck !
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?It sounds to me like just maybe he wants to keep you on the side as a fallback. I know that sounds harsh qr but I have seen this type of behavior before.<br />I would not be surprised if he is on some dating websites and seeking more relationships with others while you are stewing in the dark.<br />My assumption of course.<br /> <br />Good luck !
Bobbob24 responded:
he might be interested in several people as his girlfriend.
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?he might be interested in several people as his girlfriend.
qr_fml responded:
well, our time is longer.. we been talking for 1 year now and sexually active with each other for over 6 months now. and he still wants to see me.
And actually, last night we went to dinner and a movie. & he bought the topic of our situation and he says he's not interested in anyone else but me. and wants to take it one day at a time & i wanna take it one day at a time too.
remember, its been 1 year now, and we're getting closer and closer. we both agreed that we don't wanna hurt each other and too just take it slow. and right now, we're actually making some plans to meet up tomorrow again.
And actually, last night we went to dinner and a movie. & he bought the topic of our situation and he says he's not interested in anyone else but me. and wants to take it one day at a time & i wanna take it one day at a time too.
remember, its been 1 year now, and we're getting closer and closer. we both agreed that we don't wanna hurt each other and too just take it slow. and right now, we're actually making some plans to meet up tomorrow again.
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?well, our time is longer.. we been talking for 1 year now and sexually active with each other for over 6 months now. and he still wants to see me.<br /><br />And actually, last night we went to dinner and a movie. & he bought the topic of our situation and he says he's not interested in anyone else but me. and wants to take it one day at a time & i wanna take it one day at a time too.<br /><br />remember, its been 1 year now, and we're getting closer and closer. we both agreed that we don't wanna hurt each other and too just take it slow. and right now, we're actually making some plans to meet up tomorrow again.
longduckdong46 replied to qr_fml's response:
Well perhaps, but do not get too excited. I would still approach with caution. He stated that he " didn't know himself " I find it rather peculiar that he all of the sudden found out about himself in such a relatively short period of time.
I am by no means trying to rain on the parade as only you can make the best decision.
Another note to keep in the back of your mind. He still has that ex out there and the 10k ring, even though she supposedly has a new mate .
I am by no means trying to rain on the parade as only you can make the best decision.
Another note to keep in the back of your mind. He still has that ex out there and the 10k ring, even though she supposedly has a new mate .
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?Well perhaps, but do not get too excited. I would still approach with caution. He stated that he " didn't know himself " I find it rather peculiar that he all of the sudden found out about himself in such a relatively short period of time.<br />I am by no means trying to rain on the parade as only you can make the best decision.<br />Another note to keep in the back of your mind. He still has that ex out there and the 10k ring, even though she supposedly has a new mate .
butterfly19790424 replied to longduckdong46's response:
I agree.
PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
I have seen this scenerio with myself and others. It didn't end in our favor.
Btw, longduck... I like your name... he he he
PROCEED WITH CAUTION!
I have seen this scenerio with myself and others. It didn't end in our favor.
Btw, longduck... I like your name... he he he
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?I agree.<br /> <br />PROCEED WITH CAUTION!<br /> <br />I have seen this scenerio with myself and others. It didn't end in our favor. <br /> <br />Btw, longduck... I like your name... he he he
qr_fml replied to butterfly19790424's response:
thank u guys for the advice 
and yes i am proceeding with ALOT of CAUTION
i'll keep updating u guys so u can know the outcome..
and yes i am proceeding with ALOT of CAUTION
i'll keep updating u guys so u can know the outcome..
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?thank u guys for the advice <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/smile.gif" align="top" border="0"><br />and yes i am proceeding with ALOT of CAUTION <br />i'll keep updating u guys so u can know the outcome..
longduckdong46 replied to qr_fml's response:
Yes please do. I hope for a happy ending.
Best of luck qr !
and butterfly thanks...smile
Best of luck qr !
and butterfly thanks...smile
Report This| Share this:single but "friend with benefit"?Yes please do. I hope for a happy ending.<br /> <br />Best of luck qr !<br /> <br />and butterfly thanks...smile
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