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Angry when woken
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DonGeorgie posted:
Hi everyone,

I have this problem and it's really getting me and my partner down.
If I go to bed and he hops in beside me for a cuddle (when I'm already half asleep/fully asleep) I go nuts! I start shouting and turn around and push him away, I get really angry too. I just seem to go from asleep to angry with nothing in between. I feel so bad afterwards because then he gets upset with me and I am convinced he thinks these are my real feelings coming out when they are definitely not!
I really need to fix this and I don't know how-it's really getting me down now as I don't want my other half to have to put up with me nearly beating him up any time he comes near me at night time!
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NeNe_11 responded:
Hello-U are not alone! IFEEL the same way whenever my boyfriend of 14 years comes into bed with me-I prefer he sleep on the sofa, in the living room so I have a better chance at getting a good nights sleep.
I do not yell at him but inside I am very pissed beyond belief. When we first moved in together he laughed at me when I said we had to get a king size bed due to my sleep problem & chronic pain. He said why sleep together if we arent going to cuddle? Exactly, sleep is sleep-not cuddle or sex time, so leave me alone! I do everything possible to see that he falls asleep on the sofa-then I can sleep-maybe!
Have you ever tried talking about this with him at another time(other than bedtime?) Ask if he could respect the fact that you have a sleeping problem & at bedtime you need to be left to sleep. Be sure to provide cuddle time before bedtime, then he will know this is just about sleep & nothing else.
Good Luck.........
 
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DonGeorgie replied to NeNe_11's response:
Thanks NeNe_11, I think I might have to approach him to talk about it when it's not bedtime to explain my situation to him. I hate making him feel unwanted so we need to come up with some solutions!

Do you know if there are any relaxation techniques that can be used before bedtime that might help? I recently started T'ai Chi but I find it more frustrating than relaxing as once I have left the class I have forgotten all of the moves!
 
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Anon_2313 replied to NeNe_11's response:
Don & Nene, have you considered the idea that there may be some deep-seeded anger issues going on? You may want to speak with a therapist.
 
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Anon_77886 responded:
Hi - Both my husband and I are prone to this when we are awakened from a deep sleep. Since we both do it - it's a little better, but it's hard to not get hurt feelings. I find it happens more when I am sleep deprived (I think I sleep more deeply then), so perhaps getting more sleep would help. (For example, last night after a long weekend of getting full sleep - I was warm to post-sleep snuggle). Or perhaps you can make an effort to go sleep at the same time. This would never for work for us - we work/sleep different hours, but sometimes my husband will "tuck me in" so to speak, at my bedtime and then get up after I've fallen asleep.

Nonetheless, do make an effort to tame it. It's of course very hurtful to the person on the receiving end of the rant. But I understand - you don't know what's going on when it happens cause you are still half asleep. But as soon as you "get it" - hold your tongue and try to be sweet.

Good luck!
 
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Dat_me responded:
How about a Teddy Bear sometimes and have fun
 
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Kmilla responded:
My fiance and I used to have this problem. I have had problems with insomnia for many years, so once I start to fall asleep, I would get very angry when he would come up to bed and try to cuddle with me because it would wake me back up! I talked to him and explained to him that it is very hard for me to fall asleep and then stay asleep so to please just leave me be once I have gone to bed. If it's a night where he feels like cuddling, he will come up with me, tuck me in, and hold me for a little bit until I'm sleepy and then he'll go back downstairs and work some more while I go to bed (I go to work very early so I go to bed earlier than he does most nights while he stays up and works). Communication is the key, otherwise your anger gets pent up and you unleash it on him when you're sleep deprived!


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