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HELP! for friends!!!
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All_is_One posted:
Hello,

I have two very good friends. They recently got married and unfortunately they both smoke. My male friend (will call Frank) has confided in me that he wants to quit. He is already experiencing problems for being so young. He has had plurosy in one lung and I believe stomach ulcers. He also has worries he may even have some form of cancer.

I think he is hypochondriatic too, so he might be over exaggerating some things, but I KNOW that over 2000+ chemicals, around 60 of which are known carcinogens, are activated everytime you light up a cig.

The female of the two (will call Lisa) has teeth problems like teeth chipping. She is only about 22. I'm sure she has other issues related to smoking as well.

I really worry about both of them. While Frank has displayed interest in quitting, Lisa is not so keen on it. She enjoys the act of smoking, but I think she might be interested in quitting.

The problem is also that they dont have insurance so he can't get chantix without paying a crap load of money. Also, they have tried e-cigs and they pretty much didn't work for them (literally, the devices broke). So they gave up on that.

Anyone ever read the book "A Child Called 'It' "? Well, his childhood was pretty similar to that. Crackhead mom, opiate addicted aunts and uncles, etc. He never had a solid loving family unit growing up. His only decent aunt on his mom's side was killed in a tragic car accident that wasn't even her fault. So I can understand that he uses cigs as a coping mechanism.


Anyway this is longwinded I know, but anyone out there have any useful tips/resources/hints for him? I'm not a smoker myself, so I can't emphathize. ANY HELP IS SO APPRECIATED!

I don't want to have to bury either of them before their time!!! It would be so tragic to find out he actually did have some fatal disease due to those d***ed cigarettes! Well, d*** tobacco in general!
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Anon_239090 responded:
Well, I can appreciate your concern for your friends. But the bottom line is you can't quit for them. They will need to be responsible for quitting on their own. As someone that smoked for about 30 years, I can tell you that it is extremely likely, that every time you decide to remind them that smoking is bad for them and that they should quit, that they will resent your comment and eventually you. From my point of view, everytime someone would mention that smoking was bad for me, I wanted to say "Really? When did that happen?" I mean come on, do you really think we (smokers) are that stupid that we don't know smoking is potentially dangerous? Your friends will quit on their own, when they are ready, end of story. I quit myself about 5 weeks ago, so far so good, I just woke up and decided that not only was that something I no longer really enjoyed, it was preventing me from doing things I could enjoy So, I stopped smoking, cold turkey. No big drama involved, in fact I didn't tell any one for about a week so that I could work through it on my own without people reminding me that I wanted a cigarette.

At no time, while I was thinking it over the morning I quit, did I ever give any consideration to other people in my head going that is bad for you, you should quit.

Okay, now to tell you how I did it. After I decided on my own to quit, I mentally made a list of the reasons to quit, what I would get out of it. Saving money, breathing better, etc. Then, for the first few days, I focused on how I was doing. Not necessarily not smoking, but the reasons I wanted to quit. I would take a deep breath and at least in my mind, think that each breath was a little bigger. I would smell around my house and try to imagine that with each passing moment that it smelled a little cleaner. Everytime I walked my dog, I would take note that the walk was less stressful on my body. Basically, I just took careful note of every tiny positive change as it happened. I would pay more attention to the way things smell and really tried to take in the aromas, shampoos, soaps, food, etc. I didn't focus on the fact that I quit smoking, I focused on what was getting better. As weeks go by, I notice less dust in my house, my car stays cleaner, etc. I still think of a cigarette from time to time, but I try to take my brain right back to what I'm trying to accomplish, take a deep breath and try to remember why I am able to do that. So far, it's worked.
 
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All_is_One replied to Anon_239090's response:
The thing is, I NEVER mention smoking is bad. Well I have very rarely, but only when he has mentioned how he wants to quit. I understand better than most people that the Law of Freewill is paramount and above every other natural or cosmic law. period.

With that being said, I know that smokers realize probably more than non smokers how bad it is for them. After all, smokers literally feel each drag of a cig and can feel the cumulative effect it has on their bodies.

I'm thinking that the e-cig they got wasn't very good. As i read in a previous entry, someone said the more realistic the e-cig looks, the worse it performs. I think maybe I can try saving up and helping him go in on a really solid quality e-cig.

He did mention however that he likes the burn in the back of his throat when he smokes. e-cigs don't have that burn, so i'm not sure if they would even be effective. I dunno, just concerned about him.

I suppose in the end, if he does develop some illness from smoking, it was his decision and choice so I'll have to live with whatever outcome happens.


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