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Is father-in-law chewing again?
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WorriedOverFIL posted:
I hope you don't mind that this is not about me, but it's about my father-in-law. He was a "Red Man" (as he called it) for 25+ years, and he decided that once his oldest grandson was born (my husband's and my son), he'd quit chewing tobacco. He tried the alternatives, and he's been successful I assume. He had a lapse a couple years back, and he's been trying to officially quit for four years now. Anyways, to get where I'm going with this, we are up at my in-laws for New Year's for a few days, and I noticed my father-in-law with a packet of some kind sticking out of his back pocket. I saw him put something from that packet into his mouth and begin to move it around. He spit a brown fluid out. He even took it out of his cheek with a couple fingers and threw whatever it was away.

I confronted him about it, and he said it was a chewing tobacco alternative. Not that I want to admit that my father-in-law might be concealing the truth, but I wouldn't let it go, so I researched a bit about it on-line. I found the cans, but I didn't find any alternative one that came in a bag. He wouldn't let me see the bag, so I went on what I remembered from seeing him do it earlier. The bag itself was dark green, with a white strip around the outside. To me, that's Red Man. Without seeing the whole bag, what little I saw looked like Red Man chewing tobacco. Without knowing much about any of the alternative products, I assume he's chewing again. He was defensive toward me, and when I told my husband about it, he said that his father's a grown man, and if he said it's not tobacco, then he believes him without having to ask him about it.

So yes, I'm too paranoid about it, because I want the man to quit chewing if he is indeed doing it again. But without much help from my husband, or him on the matter, I am here. And my next question is silly, but I want to ask it. Are there alternative chewing tobacco packets that look like a Red Man one? Are there in fact dark green packets that contain tobacco-free "chew"? Silly to ask, I know. Also, do those alternatives still make the person spit brown saliva, and do you have to take the "wad" of it out of your mouth? Or, is he just chewing again? Sorry for the long post, and probable paranoia. I just want to help my father-in-law to quit, if he is indeed doing it again.
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BethAnncares responded:
You can't help him-he has to have his own mind set to do it for his self. Don't know anything about chewing tobacco or alternatives for chewing. I know as a smoker there are many that love me and would be happy to see me quit. I read the forums and all kind of literature on quitting. I don't know who said the quote "I can quit anytime, I've done it a thousand times" ----anyway-that is me! As much as I want to quit again-hopefully for good-I just haven't set my mind to it-I want to set my mind & keep it set this time. The only person we can change is ourself-in all aspects. If it is an alternative chew-good for him-just praise him and support him. If not, don't say anything-maybe just that you love him and for his own health you hope he can quit. Don't badger him ot lay guilt on him-that builds no one up. That has been my experience. Most nicotine addicts want to quit-it's a terrible addiction to lick! I hope it is an "alternative"-who knows.


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