Skip to content
Can anyone help me? (please)
notok posted:
Hello, my name is Dianne. I have been posting on the depression board. I am looking for guidance. There are three people in my life who have hurt me deeply. I was severely abused as a child by both my parents.(sexually, physically, mentally) Later in life, a "friend" used me as a verbal punching bag. My father died years ago, I am estranged from my mother for four and a half years. And I am distancing myself slowly from my "friend". I have been dealing with overwhelming depression off and on my whole life. My question is how do I forgive?I have a a strong belief in God and I have never blamed Him for what happened to me. I would like to feel closer to Him but that is hard with the constant feeling of hatred, anger and resentment. I understand the concept of forgiveness. I have no problem forgiving words said in anger (during a fight), but in my eyes, this was deliberate cruelty. I was in counseling with a wonderful pastor, but I still don't understand. I have prayed so hard for God to take these feelings and replace them with love, kindness, understanding and peace.I'm sorry if I shouldn't be on this board, but I didn't know where else to go. Thank you and may God bless all of you. Dianne
4jesus responded:
Hi Dianne and welcome to the board. I believe it was God's will to guide you to this board. I'm sorry so many people have hurt you, but remember God is always there for us. I know it's hard to forgive poeple for what they have done to us, but we have to. I see by your post you were going to see a pastor, that is good. Keep seeing him or her when needed. Also talk/pray to God, he has his listening ears on. YOu may not get an answer right away, but he does things mysteriously in his own time. I'm going to leave you with a wonderful verse: "God's Promises:" God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow or sun without rain. But God did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way. And all who believe in his kingdom above, He answers their faith with everlasting love. Also, we have other wonderful people on this board that can/will help, please come back to talk, you're more than welcome. Take care and God's blessings tio you. Ron
Adio9 responded:
I am sorry for what you passed through. I want you to realize that many people had the same experience you are having. They put their trust on the Lord Jesus Christ and He saw them through. They are happier person today. He never disappoints. God Almighty is faithful and reliable. I want to let you know that God love for you is beyond human comprehension. Since He created all things and He understands and sees what you are passing through. Though, you have been wounded in the spirit but God is going to heal your wounds. Start by forgive those that offended you. There is healing in forgiveness. Confess all sins to God. Read the Word of God (The bible) daily and mediate on it. Commit yourself to a bible believing church in your area that teaches the word of God undiluted. Make friends with genuine believers. My prayer is that God shall heal your spirit and Holy Spirit will fill you with His Peace and Joy of Salvation in the name of Jesus.-Pastor Adio.
jendub25 responded:
Happy moments, praise God Difficult moments, seek God Quiet moments, worship God Painful moments, trust God Every moment, thank God
lostnomore responded:
Dianne, God loves you and is passionate about having a relationship with you. I prayed with people for several years for inner healing through forgiveness. You need to know that forgiveness is an act of the will. It is not a feeling. It is a decision. We choose to forgive. I would begin by finding some time alone with God and praying to Him out loud saying something like Father, by an act of my will, I choose to forgive ( name the person ) for (name the offenses) When nothing else comes to mind, tell Him you choose to forgive ( name the person) fully and completely and to love him/her with the love of Jesus and I release him/her to You to do with as you choose. Next ask God to forgive you for anything that you done in regards to this person ( hatred, anger, unforgiveness etc. ) Thank Him for His forgiveness and forgive yourself as well. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the right way to deal with offenses in the future and to heal your hurting heart. I don't know if you are a born again Christian or not but the very first step is to receive Jesus Christ as Your Saviour and make Him Lord of your life. The forgiveness of God towards us is unconditional and our forgiveness must be unconditional as well if we are to find real freedom. Many people pray the Lord's prayer asking God to forgive them their trespasses as they forgive others but they don't really mean that. Whether the offense was intentional or not does not change God's command to us to forgive. Forgiveness is a decision, a choice. It is God's part to take care of the feelings. Depression is anger turned inward. He did not create you to be a garbage can for all these negative emotions. God wants to heal you and to deliver you and fill you with His peace but He is unable to do that if you are already full of anger, hatred and unforgiveness. You need to release those things to Him and He will give you beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for morning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. I hope this helps.
lostnomore responded:
I wanted to add that you can do this whether the person is living or not. You should pray through your experiences with your father as well. Jesus said that we should pray for our enemies and to pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you. This is a powerful scripture. If or when you are tempted to take back your forgiveness and be angry again, pray that God will bless that person and keep on praying. Soon, wonderfully, you will find that those negative thoughts no longer come and you have found freedom and healing from the experience. Remember these are choices, decisions. If you wait until you FEEL like forgiving or FEEL like blessings them, it will probably never happen. The hardest part is making yourself do it when you don't feel like it.
Tiebos responded:

Your parents obviously didn't have the tools necessary to be constructive forces in your life. Most likely as a result of thier own suffering, they lacked the compassion and desire to nurture that seems ingrained in most parents. They were forced to act with the knowledge and experience that they had avaialable, and it seems woefully inadequate.

They (and your friend) have lost or are losing any connection they had with you. Emotionally crippled and lashing out, they've now lost something that could have given them support and strength, having driven you away with thier cruelty and thoughtlessness. That is a loss that they will be poignantly aware of for the rest of thier lives. Believe me... they feel the guilt of thier actions and the loss that they've caused.

That said, your anger and resetment is natural - you are human after all. But they will stand in judgement one day, and will look back on those experiences with crystal clarity. They will know the consequences of their actions, and feel the pain that it caused you.

Two things fall to you - first, accept that their justice is forthcoming. It's not for you to mete out, but to have faith in God that He will handle them fairly and justly. The second thing is not to allow what they did to taint your future. My pastor used to tell me: All the combined darkness of the world is powerless against the light of one single candle.

Bell well, Diane.
MAHIMAGADI responded:
Dear Dianne, in life there are always two parts one is happiness and the other is sad. So, just have your faith in God that he must listen you and will take all your sadness and depressions. I like to share one of my best idea to tackle with the sadness and the negative part of my lifes.

For example, someone scold me or making a rusty comment on me, or saying ugly words, I first try to avoid him, but if not then just left the place. I just go to a lonely place and tried to think about one of my friend or relatives or even a person I know who is still living in such a worse condition than me. I just remember the man who do not even have parents, friends, and they spent their whole life lonely.

I then forgive the man who hurt me.

You have mentioned that it is your friend who betrayed you or hurt you. Dont worry, just take it in a positive way and I hope God will give you a new friend who will understand you and become very close to you and that will help you to forget the past life.

Okay. Have a good day. SIDDDD.
stringhacker responded:
Hi Dianne. I would like to say how very sorry I feel for your hurt.. There's an evangilist Joyce Meyer who has been through alot of what you are expressing, she has some amazing books and cd's out that i think would help you alot,, there's one called the "battlefield of the mind" that has and continues to help me alot with issues of the mind,,, she not only explains the how and why's but more importantly how to change it,,,..she is also on tv quite a bit.... I think you are very brave for posting this and want you to know I will pray for you.. GOD BLESS,,,, John
notok responded:
Hello again, I want to thank everyone who responded to my post. There is so much kindness here. I know God is the answer to all my problems. And I hope more than anything that I can become close to Him again. My mental health seems to be improving. I no longer want to die. I am working on forgiving the three people who hurt me so badly in the past. It is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. But I am trying. Thank you again to all the kind people who reached out to me on this board. There are good people in the world and I thank God for them. I don't feel so alone.

livin4good responded:
With Jesus it was deliberate cruelty, too, yet some of His last words were: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34). He also cried out in anguish while on the cross, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27;46) I have come to realize in my own life that when I feel farthest from God, I really am closest, and when I feel closest, it doesn't really mean that I am close (See Psalm 34:18). Keep looking for that special someone to help you through. You seem to be on the right track, in spite of all that goes wrong (Romans 8:28--all things work together for good to those who love God.)
bsweet2 responded:
Hi Dianne, Thanks for sharing your story. I have also been abused by family and friends. My father thought it was his job to "educate" me sexually from the time I was 10 to 14. There was a time when my husband was verbally abusive and demeaning. Fortuanately my mother believed me when I told her about my father's abuse, & he was placed in a mental hospital for 9 months, when he got out, I was sent to a Christian boarding school. This was all good for me, although at the time it was difficult to adjust to a new school and make new friends. In the end it was a great experience to be away from home and excell scholastically without the distractions of home life. The dicipline of boarding school was also good for me! Well, I share this hoping to help. What really helps me feel better is looking to and studying Jesus. He was/ is a defender of little children, women, the abused and unlucky. His story was written by live eye witnesses to his daily life. When you believe Jesus was the son of God( as he claimed), and forgiveness through him is possible, the unbelievable will happen. You wil see the Creator God reaching out to you. Unbelievable as it seems, Jesus was with God at Creation and also was the little baby born in a manger, grew up with the purpose of telling the world "God Forgives and wants to be friends" Ask Him if His forgiveness can flow through you to those who have abused you. If you have not been able to forgive or feel better about it, please ask Jesus to forgive them for you! Sharing your story may be difficult, but sharing it with others( in a caring community) will also help you realize you are not alone and there are many caring individuals who have God's love in their hearts for you. This will also help God's healing become real for you. Read the Bible account of Jesus everyday and imagine yourself in the story. Take time to share what you have learned with anyone who will listen. Many abuse victims feel "guilty" because of it. Ask God to clean your mind of these negative thoughts and heal your wounds. 3John 2 It is God's wish for us to be healthy even as our souls are healthy". It is our responsibility to feed our minds with positive thoughts and experiences. Reading the Bible, being part of a caring community like a Christian church, having reliable friends all help in overcoming the negatives that linger because of our past. Write note cards with Bible verses on them that remind you of God's love, his desire to be your friend and his plans for your life. Carry these Bible messages with you to pray over and memorize. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Another Bible verse I love, (because I hardened my heart because of the abuse) is Ezekiel 36:26 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and my laws." I am praying for you Dianne, that your joy may be full through Jesus's healing power in your life. You are taking steps to live free of the abuse, buy moving away emotionally from those people. Now look to Jesus to lead you to healthy friends and trust in Him as He heals you.
Bets_Angel responded:
Hello, Dianne,

I think God led you to this post. I am so sorry to hear that you have been abused and hurt. I am glad that so many persons have responded to you. It is with the support of others that you can build up the trust to be able to forgive and to know that forgiveness does not mean forgetting, being weak, or excusing another's behavior. Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself--it is a choice that you are not going to let these persons who have hurt you have power over you anymore. That you want to forgive is a great sign. Some persons never get to that point. Ask God for guidance in this process. Sometimes to say, "God forgive them for they do not know what they do" is most helpful. Forgiveness is transforming. It can transform your life and the life of others. It can help you move on. Some persons use the anger and hurt to help others who have also been hurt. This will give you power to make a difference in others' lives and will be eventually healing in your own as well. God be with you. You are in my daily thoughts and prayers.

God's blessings and love, Betty
luvmy2babiesmuch responded:
Dianne- God bless and keep you. I know that you are struggling.. i too fell away for a few yrs after the ragic loss of my father. I felt that God let me down. You are not alone, we all stumble, and YES, God knows that, he is our creator and he knows and see's how we feel. He will always welcome your conversations, and he will not turn his back on you, just because you have had a hard time, and some what forgot about him! He is not counting and keeping a record of how long it's been since you last called on him. God is the only thing that will heal your pain. You must readily go to the Lord, and he is the one that will help you forgive. Pray, pray, pray,, you will get stri=onger and stronger, in faith, and wisdom, and eventually your love for the Lord will let your heart start forgiving those people. Bless you Dianne, I will keep you in my prayers!
bashajul responded:
Thank you for sharing your feelings and emotions. You have helped others to share with you what we all have learned through our experiences. I want to thank you. In the Bible Jesus said in his prayer: Father for give them because they do not know what they do. In saying that they do not know what they do!. He wanted to say that everything that people do to others, this will recipricate back to them, so all you have to do is forvige and forgive your self, so that your soul and body can heal, because you did nothing wrong, they will receive their punishment in time. but we can't live in the past. we live in the present and what God gives us now, and you have to live your life with the Joy of Having God in your life, because that is the true happiness.

Spotlight: Member Stories

About Me: I'm a wife and a mom. Why I came to WebMD: To become a better informed health consumer. I'm a baby boomer facing the same cha...More

Helpful Tips

Revised: New Features on Exchanges!
Dear Members, You may have noticed some changes that happened to your Exchange after last weekeend. We rolled out a few new features and ... More
Was this Helpful?
14 of 25 found this helpful

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.