Spirituality: Path to Healing Community

Hey,
I sent you a different message a few min. ago. I am so sorry about your husband. It's been 2mo. since we spoke so I had no idea all this stuff happened. I started praying for you an hour ago, for you to have the strength to get through everything. I also prayed for your husband. How is he? How are you?

He is doing ok. They take alot of fluid off of him everytime he goes to dialysis though they take anywhere from 10 to 15 pounds of fluid off at a time. That is three days a week. I am tired and wore out but i am hanging in there tring to stay strong for him. It is ruff wondering from day to day where we are going to get the money for gas to get to the dialysis clinic though. God does provide but sometimes you wonder you know. How is everyone your way? THANKS FOR THE PRAYERS!!!!

I'm sorry that your feeling worn out and that nobody notices. People don't know how hard it is on the care giver, they think,"since your not the one who is sick, you must be fine." How wrong they are!

I think I can help you with getting a ride to dialysis. Get in touch with the Kidney Foundation, and ask if they have volunteers to provide dialysis rides. Tell them your husband needs to go 3days a week, and you have no car.

If you can't find the right people to talk to, call the American Cancer Society#1-800-227-9954. They are the GREATEST people, and if they can't help you, they will know who can. They set it up for me to get a ride, to my radiation treatments, and I had to go everyday, for 6wks.

God bless you (I'll pray for us to get our closeness back with God.) Mine is already starting. My boyfriend of 20yrs., has been so depressed this last year,(because of my cancer) that he is unconsciously keeping me preoccupied with always trying to cheer him up. That I sometimes forget about God. That is killing me! He went to his apt. 2days ago, and since he's been gone, God & I went right back to our closeness!

I have a new life, new short, salt & pepper gray hair, new apt, (looking over a lake where the sky goes on forever!) I am a new me and I am so happy! I don't know what to do with Greg, he was so wonderful, and strong, all through my cancer. Then he just fell apart. I feel like I owe him, but I can't seem to help him. He, instead, is bringing me down. Please pray for him.

Keep me posted about getting a ride or not, & of course God. Later

I am praying for you right now. I didnt know that you have cancer, sorry to hear that i know that is hard thing for someone to go through both my mother and mother in law had cancer. My mom's is in remission. Unfortantuely my mother in laws cancer took her life two year ago on september 9. Two days before my husbands birthday. He has kinda been depressed off and on since. And then him finding out about his kidneys shutting down has really shot him into depression deeper. I love my job, love being a care giver, but the little lady i take care of has a mind of a 18 month old and she loves to pinch. And i go home with bruises and scrapes all over from her. When you are tired and stressed already that just makes it ruffer at times. Like tonight i just want to CRY, because i am tired, wore out, and VERY stressed. anyways, I have a vehicle, i just dont have alot of money at times for gas to put in it. I go through alot of gas in a weeks time going back and forth if you know what i mean. I pray that we can get closer to God as well.
Do you have facebook that might be a off the wall stupid question. But just wondering.

You know i think God puts people in each other's life for a reason. If it is for nothing else than to encourage one another. Anyways, i am at work all night so i will be checking this perioudically so if you write back i will see it ok. Thanks so much for everything.

Hi,

It doesn't matter if you have a car, they will still give you a ride if you can't get there. My cancer is also in remission, my last treatment was 7mo. ago. My hair is taking forever to grow out! It's in a pixie(I'm keeping it short) It grew back salt & pepper gray and I love it.

I look and feel like a different person, so I moved out of the cancer house, bought new dishes, and a rug! And I wake up happy everyday. Weird huh? Today I'm going to Mass and pray for you, me and your husband. Later p.s. no facebook

Well i didnt know that. Good to hear that your cancer is in remission. I beat you do love it . That just shows you how Good God is doesnt it. Ok i appreciate it all the prayers. I pray for you me and my husband to. Ok on the facebook thing, i didnt know if you had facebook or not. We just got the internet turn on at our house so that is why i was asking. well i will talk to you later. Love and God bless.

Hi,
I just got back from evening Mass, I prayed for you, your husband and Greg. How is he doing? Is he on a kidney donor list? I don't come to this site very often,(because I was always talking to myself) but since I met you, I try to check it once a week.

Are you feeling any better today? How are you and God coming along? Any closer? That's what my prayer for you was. I'm getting there, but I'm still not back like before.

It scares me, when this happens, because I think, "what if I keep getting further & further away?" Now, that is a scary thought!

Another weird thing(with God) has happened for the last 3 Sunday's.(except tonight, tonight was good) I would act awful after church. I mean that I turned into a big bitch! It only happened after Mass. I acted so awful, that Greg didn't want me to go to church.(laugh)

I always feel good after church, I don't understand why I was feeling so angry, & acted like that. I hope it's over now, since it didn't happen tonight. It was like the devil was trying to keep me away from God. I would leave the church, filled with anger. So on the way home, I started bitching, and I stayed mean for the rest of the day! What do you think was up with that? I'll talk to you later.
Luke

Hi there, I check the site very often especially know that i have internet at home. Thanks for the prayers. No he isnt on a donor list yet. we have to wait till they schedule an appointment with the transplant people. He is doing some better. Thinks now he is having trouble with his gallbladder. I am feeling alright i guess. We are getting there to, i am trying to get closer to him as well. I am also going to start learning my sign language to christian songs again, so i can do it at church. I feel like that is a gift that God has give me and i have been slacking on it and i dont want him to take that gift away from me. That does sound like that it could have been the devil trying to keep you away from God. Just hang in there, it will get better soon. I am praying for you to every night. The way the devil has been fighting me is having my husband fight with me over money issues. But just keep in touch as much as you can i will be checking this everyother day, so just keep in touch ok.

Hey there likeperry havent heard from you in a while thought i would get on here and leave a message and let you know that i am praying for you. Also, if you just need someone to talk to i am here. But anyways just wanted to check in with you since i havent heard from you in a while. Talk to you later. Rebecca

Good morning Rebecca,

Sorry, I haven't talked to you lately, I haven't been on my computer in a while. How's your hubby doing? I know what you mean about your husband's behavior. I think it has more to do with him feeling like he no longer has control over his life. (like we ever do) Men need to feel "in control."

My husband was going crazy when he found out I had cancer, because he felt like he should be able to save me. It was killing him to find out he wasn't in control.(crazy man, thought he was super man, before) Then he started cooking all the time, and treating me like I was helpless. I wasn't, but it kept him busy, and feeling like he had some kind of control.(so I let him do it, and it was fun for me!)

That's what saved his mind. So maybe you can help your husband find something to keep him busy and keep his mind occupied. Like painting(pictures, not walls) drawing, writing everyday in a diary, what he's going through. You could find him a site like this for kidney disease, and he could talk to other people with the same condition. What do you think about the last one?

Talk to you later, I have to get ready for Mass. I will check back on here when I get home. God bless you.

Nancy

well he hasnt got into playing a game on facebook called castleville and he plays that all the time. He is doing ok. Still falling alot though, and staying dissy. Pray for me i got to go to the doctor tomorrow and get a dreadful pap smear done. I dont like them. Plus not to mention it is a male doctor doing it. I have been in a crying mood again lately and dont know why. I was listening to gospel music on the computer here at work last night and just busted out into tears. It was actually cating crowns. But definetly write me back i will be able to check this again around 8 pm tonight. Well hope all is doing well your way, love you and your in my prayers. Rebecca

Hello Rebecca,

I will burst out crying for no reason too! It must be the moon, or something. Just as fast as I start, I will stop. It's just one more crazy thing I do!
I know why I do it, I'm on estrogen blockers, and I have to take them for the next 5yrs. I also have hot flashes that I hate! Then I'll be freezing cold. I'm a mess.
Good to hear that your husband found something to keep him busy. I do a lot of jigsaw puzzles, I love doing them. It's also a great brain exerciser, like using your left hand, if your right handed. I read that if you use your opposite hand for 5min. a day, it exercises your brain and keeps Alzheimer away. (until later)
What do you do at night, can you tell me what kind of work you do? I'm retired from Bank of America, in Jacksonville.

Hello, nancy, I am a caregiver for people with mental disabilities. Yes i am glad he found something to do as well. I wish mine was like that me start crying and then stop some times i cry and cry and cry. yes that it is,well that is cool that you are retired from a bank. I work three days a week and get 42 hours a week. On friday's i work from 6am to 4 pm. Saturday and sunday i work 2pm to 6am. Well if you are still on send me a message back ok.

Hi,
Do you get to go to sleep tonight, or are people still awake? 2pm to 6am is rough.

Do you ever go to the depression board? I use to go there when it was easy to ask questions and answer them. Now, I can't even find my way around! It use to cheer me up going and talking to my stranger friends. They helped me get through a tough year a few yrs. ago.

It sounds like your depressed and your husband being sick is just making matters worse. I'm sorry that your so sad, hopefully tomorrow will be better. At least you don't have to go to work.(do you)

I'll talk to you later, I think I'm going to sleep now. Write me.
Nancy