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I know how frustrating this must be for you and wish there was a magic fix I can offer, but all I have is experience to relay. Althogh I didn't have a stroke, I lost my sense of smell and taste after a head injury 7 years ago. The 1st year was very difficult for me - I was a chef and finally had to leave that profession. I have worked on this problem and found a few helpers along the way: the focus of my eating has shifted to textures of food - for instance I cannot tolerate bananas anymore because they are too soft and squishy which is frankly gross when you don't taste. I admit looking for extremes in foods, for example - I can't taste but can sense the difference in very strong coffee vs "regular" coffee; same is true with dark chocolate vs milk chocolate. Looking for these type of things has helped me get back on track with eating (although I won't say the 2 examples I gave are healthy choices).
It also helps to let family, friends know of the situation. Yes, it is only natural to talk about tastes when discussing foods, and yes it is engrained in us to say things like "what do you want for dinner", in these cases its an adjustment for everyone involved and sooner or later you can hopefully smile about it. The important thing is to keep your husband involved when it comes to simple things that were taken for granted before this happened. Even though I can't taste I still have preferences of what restaurant I'd like to go to or what "sounds good" for dinner. Maybe I am lucky in that I live with a social worker who helped me through this and wouldn't take "I don't care" for an answer because I found that I really do care.
My weight dropped the first year - partly because I didn't seem to care about eating, partly from depression and anger about losing taste, smell, and eventually my career. There were times I would refuse to eat just from spite, there were many times I hit the walls (thank goodness we own our house!) but my family always stayed strong and supported me during the difficult and not-so-difficult times. I saw a therapist on a regular basis which helped a lot, too.
My best advice is to help your husband explore different approaches to eating - think about textures, visual presentation, strong flavors, maybe liquid diet supplements would be helpful as well.
Most important is to take care of you and although it doesn't always help, remember that the anger he may direct towards you is really about the health problems and loss of independence he is experiencing. Take care of you as much as you take care of your husband!!!
Any tartness in foods like strawberries make my whole face pucker up so bad that it aggravates my 24/7 migraines. The only thing I can tolerate is chocolate and sugary things. I have worried about my diet again and again with my doctor who says no I won't get diabetes, my glucose is fine. She tells me to eat anything to avoid losing any more weight after I went from being quite overweight before my stroke to a weight way below a normal body weight (BMI) which she told me was extremely unhealthy.
My stroke was 4 years ago and there hasn't been any improvement in my eating desire.
One of my medications that I take for fibromyalgia is Trazodone. It led to me eating a lot of sweets before my stroke. After my stroke, no longer worried about weight, I raised it from 100 to 150mg. So anyone might want to try that to at least gain some weight. Maybe in the future they might figure out a medication to correct our eating.
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