Substance Abuse Community

Hi Rocco,

Listen to those fears. And use those fears to motivate you to return to AA to help you sort this out. It's okay to need some additional support now and then.

And keep talking here if it helps. You're not alone.

Rocco888
Congrats on your three years sober; I too am 3 years sober and struggle with wanting to "let loose and relax." That struggle is also coupled by feelings of jealousy towards those that can handle 'one or two' easily and anger towards myself that this disease prevents me from making wise decisions where alcohol is concerned. We alcoholics are control freaks and manipulators. But the frustrating part is that we cannot control our drinking in a respectable manner and now that we have admitted we have a problem, we can no longer manipulate the situation - it's out there.... So we control what we can, one day at a time, one situation at a time and that is all we can control/manipulate. I guess that is a good thing as far as trying to stay sober is concerned.

The bottom line is that no one does it alone and you need to get back to AA. Now would be a good time to get a sponsor, at first just to use them as support and secondly, you need to complete those steps for the first time. No one ever wants to hear this, but you don't graduate from AA, you live AA for the rest of your life. You find that once you accept and truly live the 12-steps every day, it brings a sense of peace that you can finally let loose and relax in.

I can only tell you what I know for sure and that is that I "AA shopped" for about six months before I found a solid meeting and group of people I felt comfortable around. My 'home' meeting is a ladies only meeting that meets once a week but that doesn't mean that it is the only one I go to, I have a couple of what I call 'floaters' in which I attend. All of them make me feel good and that is the bottom line where I am concerned. It sounds like you have based your life on accomplishment, please put this on the forefront of your lists -- this must be your number 1 priority or nothing else will follow for very long. You owe it to yourself first and secondly to your family.

You can do this Rocco -- you want the peace, you want the serenity but like everything in life worth having, it has to be worked on and you sound like someone who doesn't shy away from hard work. You need to plan the plan and work the plan. Because alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful, we alcoholics need to work a little harder. The rewards are so worth it. I wish you peace on your journey my friend, it begins with a single step. Lisa

Rocco888,

Think back to three years ago. Do you want to be back there. If so go and pick up that drink. My son lost everything due to alcohol. When he drinks he cannot stop. One drink turns into passing out. Last time he passed out he found himself in a jail cell. Now he has no car, no money, no home. He doesn't like AA and has been 1 year sober. He hopes to go back to school to help build back his life. He would love to have what you have. I hope you make the right decision and stay sober and happy.
Congrats on getting your life on the right track.

Kay

What you have means nothing, I mean material things, your buisness..... Never completing the twelve steps, Made amends to all persons you have harmed, Admitted to God or a clergyman of your faults...I have been sober for 20 years and a word of advise...AA is your answer that is your answer.. Are your one of those people who just " talk the talk" you have hear that? If you have been in AA then you know what I am talking about.. It's called do you "talk the talk" or do "walk the talk" The AA members are your support and your Sponsor..If your feel like you might loose control call your Sponsor or local AA club in your area....AA is a recovering alcoholic or drug uses way of life now Every day and every week...Come on now tell me your going to do the right thing.. I will be praying for you...Every week go to your meeting if your married tell your wife she needs to go to Al-alon. If your have teens they can go to Al-teen I facilitated Al-teens. The whole family has a progam it's a family illness...It affects the whole family......Come on ROCCO 888...Trust me I know this program... Take care...Don't fall off man...Go Back. I will Pray... If your wife see this I am a AA member that's all...OXOX... This is my support to you..