Rehab did not work.
An_227118 posted:
I'm fifteen years old and I recently just got out of rehab for my drinking problem. I was sober for about two months. I relapsed instantly. I just feel.. so empty without it. So alone. Completely surrounded but totally isolated. Every relationship I ever had is falling apart. I have absolutely no friends, and my family? Hell, I'll be surprised if they ever trust me again. I don't ever want to give up drinking. Drinking is the one thing I have. Drinking makes me lovely, it makes everything lovely! I am so completely content when I'm drinking. Maybe it's because my reality is just blurred, but hell, reality sucks. And I'd rather have a warped, twisted view on reality than have to face the real thing. I'm a coward. But I don't mind. Endless sex and drugs and drinks. I was miserable, yet I'm so masked by substance that I thought I was happy. It was like the magic fix. It was happiness in a liquid form.
I'm in high school. I don't know why I have to be like this. Think like this. My psychiatrist says I'm bipolar. But how do you fix that? You're going to give me a tremendous amount of lithium and then it will be all better? No. I hate that people say I need medication to function like a normal person. I don't want to be a normal person. I'd rather be manic than a zombie.
I don't know. I have no idea as to what to do anymore. People say I have to remain sober for myself. But I can't do it. I hate myself. I'd rather destroy myself, honestly.
I don't know.
I'm in high school. I don't know why I have to be like this. Think like this. My psychiatrist says I'm bipolar. But how do you fix that? You're going to give me a tremendous amount of lithium and then it will be all better? No. I hate that people say I need medication to function like a normal person. I don't want to be a normal person. I'd rather be manic than a zombie.
I don't know. I have no idea as to what to do anymore. People say I have to remain sober for myself. But I can't do it. I hate myself. I'd rather destroy myself, honestly.
I don't know.
3 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Rehab did not work.I'm fifteen years old and I recently just got out of rehab for my drinking problem. I was sober for about two months. I relapsed instantly. I just feel.. so empty without it. So alone. Completely surrounded but totally isolated. Every relationship I ever had is falling apart. I have absolutely no friends, and my family? Hell, I'll be surprised if they ever trust me again. I don't ever want to give up drinking. Drinking is the one thing I have. Drinking makes me lovely, it makes everything lovely! I am so completely content when I'm drinking. Maybe it's because my reality is just blurred, but hell, reality sucks. And I'd rather have a warped, twisted view on reality than have to face the real thing. I'm a coward. But I don't mind. Endless sex and drugs and drinks. I was miserable, yet I'm so masked by substance that I thought I was happy. It was like the magic fix. It was happiness in a liquid form. <br /><br />I'm in high school. I don't know why I have to be like this. Think like this. My psychiatrist says I'm bipolar. But how do you fix that? You're going to give me a tremendous amount of lithium and then it will be all better? No. I hate that people say I need medication to function like a normal person. I don't want to be a normal person. I'd rather be manic than a zombie. <br /><br />I don't know. I have no idea as to what to do anymore. People say I have to remain sober for myself. But I can't do it. I hate myself. I'd rather destroy myself, honestly.<br /><br />I don't know.
Kayap responded:
On average I read that it takes almost nine times in rehab for it to finally work. That or to hit a bottom that looks like hell on earth. I have a son who was you fourteen years ago. Rehab didn't work for him either. He also felt like reality was a lonely hurtful place and sought out refuge with drugs and alcohol.
Today he is twenty-nine. College didn't last because the urge to drink and party were to strong. Jobs didn't last because you have to show up sober to keep a job. He doesn't have a car or a license because you have to be responsible for that and not drive drunk. His life looks pretty bleak.
My advice to you is to work hard at being sober. Go to the meetings, go to the psychiatrist and try to take the drugs to be a functioning human being. Hang out with others who do not drink. Make them your life. Study and get on track with school and grades. If your home life sucks do what you can to improve it. Your life is in your hands. Others can make you miserable but you are the one who can seek a better life. You do have to reach deep down and find the motivation for this. It won't be easy but you will be grateful when at age 29 you turn out to be an independent functional adult.
The hate you feel for yourself is depression. Get help and start finding reasons to love yourself for the good that is within.
You can make a difference in this world for others and for yourself. You have to find a purpose. Maybe volunteering at an animal shelter, a nursing home, a local food pantry will give you that feeling of making a difference.
Alcohol is a dangerous drug that will destroy your life and it takes its time doing it. Before you know it ten years will fly by and you will still be using it to fill in the void.
Kay
Today he is twenty-nine. College didn't last because the urge to drink and party were to strong. Jobs didn't last because you have to show up sober to keep a job. He doesn't have a car or a license because you have to be responsible for that and not drive drunk. His life looks pretty bleak.
My advice to you is to work hard at being sober. Go to the meetings, go to the psychiatrist and try to take the drugs to be a functioning human being. Hang out with others who do not drink. Make them your life. Study and get on track with school and grades. If your home life sucks do what you can to improve it. Your life is in your hands. Others can make you miserable but you are the one who can seek a better life. You do have to reach deep down and find the motivation for this. It won't be easy but you will be grateful when at age 29 you turn out to be an independent functional adult.
The hate you feel for yourself is depression. Get help and start finding reasons to love yourself for the good that is within.
You can make a difference in this world for others and for yourself. You have to find a purpose. Maybe volunteering at an animal shelter, a nursing home, a local food pantry will give you that feeling of making a difference.
Alcohol is a dangerous drug that will destroy your life and it takes its time doing it. Before you know it ten years will fly by and you will still be using it to fill in the void.
Kay
Report This| Share this:Rehab did not work.On average I read that it takes almost nine times in rehab for it to finally work. That or to hit a bottom that looks like hell on earth. I have a son who was you fourteen years ago. Rehab didn't work for him either. He also felt like reality was a lonely hurtful place and sought out refuge with drugs and alcohol.<br /><br />Today he is twenty-nine. College didn't last because the urge to drink and party were to strong. Jobs didn't last because you have to show up sober to keep a job. He doesn't have a car or a license because you have to be responsible for that and not drive drunk. His life looks pretty bleak. <br /><br />My advice to you is to work hard at being sober. Go to the meetings, go to the psychiatrist and try to take the drugs to be a functioning human being. Hang out with others who do not drink. Make them your life. Study and get on track with school and grades. If your home life sucks do what you can to improve it. Your life is in your hands. Others can make you miserable but you are the one who can seek a better life. You do have to reach deep down and find the motivation for this. It won't be easy but you will be grateful when at age 29 you turn out to be an independent functional adult. <br /><br />The hate you feel for yourself is depression. Get help and start finding reasons to love yourself for the good that is within. <br /><br />You can make a difference in this world for others and for yourself. You have to find a purpose. Maybe volunteering at an animal shelter, a nursing home, a local food pantry will give you that feeling of making a difference. <br /><br />Alcohol is a dangerous drug that will destroy your life and it takes its time doing it. Before you know it ten years will fly by and you will still be using it to fill in the void. <br /><br />Kay
An_227119 responded:
It is easier to beat yourself up for being a coward than it is to make that assessment and change your life.
If you don't want to take medication, find a therapist (maybe through your current therapist) who will help you with cognitive behavior therapy rather than just throwing pills at you.
If you want to have friends or a family that will trust you, you have to care enough about them and yourself to make an effort to be the person you want to for them. You have to be a good friend to have good friends, you have to show the people you love that you love them for them to really feel it.
Drinking does not make you lovely. Drinking inhibits basic bodily functions, makes you gain weight, ruins the clarity of your skin. Drinking makes people loud, do things they wouldn't otherwise, and alienates them. Drinking kills you from the inside, shutting down your organs and slowing down your brain.
Do you feel listened to by your therapist or by those around you? If not, speak louder, don't drown yourself out with booze. If you're hurting, try to express it. The saddest part about your post to me is the level of articulation and self-awareness you have. You have such potential! Seek that potential, work for it. You deserve better for yourself. Go into rehba again, go to meetings once you get out. Make friends of caliber, not just party friends who laugh at your antics and give you meaningless sex when you're wasted.
That's the thing, we call being drunk being wasted. How much of your life do you want to waste on this?
If you don't want to take medication, find a therapist (maybe through your current therapist) who will help you with cognitive behavior therapy rather than just throwing pills at you.
If you want to have friends or a family that will trust you, you have to care enough about them and yourself to make an effort to be the person you want to for them. You have to be a good friend to have good friends, you have to show the people you love that you love them for them to really feel it.
Drinking does not make you lovely. Drinking inhibits basic bodily functions, makes you gain weight, ruins the clarity of your skin. Drinking makes people loud, do things they wouldn't otherwise, and alienates them. Drinking kills you from the inside, shutting down your organs and slowing down your brain.
Do you feel listened to by your therapist or by those around you? If not, speak louder, don't drown yourself out with booze. If you're hurting, try to express it. The saddest part about your post to me is the level of articulation and self-awareness you have. You have such potential! Seek that potential, work for it. You deserve better for yourself. Go into rehba again, go to meetings once you get out. Make friends of caliber, not just party friends who laugh at your antics and give you meaningless sex when you're wasted.
That's the thing, we call being drunk being wasted. How much of your life do you want to waste on this?
Report This| Share this:Rehab did not work.It is easier to beat yourself up for being a coward than it is to make that assessment and <b>change your life.</b><br /> <br />If you don't want to take medication, find a therapist (maybe through your current therapist) who will help you with cognitive behavior therapy rather than just throwing pills at you.<br /> <br />If you want to have friends or a family that will trust you, you have to care enough about them and yourself to make an effort to be the person you want to for them. You have to be a good friend to have good friends, you have to show the people you love that you love them for them to really feel it.<br /> <br />Drinking does not make you lovely. Drinking inhibits basic bodily functions, makes you gain weight, ruins the clarity of your skin. Drinking makes people loud, do things they wouldn't otherwise, and alienates them. Drinking kills you from the inside, shutting down your organs and slowing down your brain.<br /> <br />Do you feel listened to by your therapist or by those around you? If not, speak louder, don't drown yourself out with booze. If you're hurting, try to express it. The saddest part about your post to me is the level of articulation and self-awareness you have. You have such potential! Seek that potential, work for it. You deserve better for yourself. Go into rehba again, go to meetings once you get out. Make friends of caliber, not just party friends who laugh at your antics and give you meaningless sex when you're wasted.<br /> <br />That's the thing, we call being drunk being <u>wasted.</u> How much of your life do you want to waste on this?
Hey,
I hope you are doing better in the year that has passed. I know exactly what you're going through- the immed relapse upon returning. It was very similar for me and it really, really sucked. What I found out was that I could do everything right when I was in a super controlled environment like rehab but when I got out into the "real world" everything fell apart because I hadn't developed the right coping skills to deal with everything that was being thrown at me. Transitional living was imperative for me post rehab, I needed somewhere where I could stay healthy but also regain my life (studying and eventually working) at the same time. A place in Virginia, they have places in FL as well, called the GRR sounds great for it- I follow them on twitter @refinedrecovery. I know they make you go to school or work as part of the program. In any case, definitely check out sober living facilities!!!!
Best!
I hope you are doing better in the year that has passed. I know exactly what you're going through- the immed relapse upon returning. It was very similar for me and it really, really sucked. What I found out was that I could do everything right when I was in a super controlled environment like rehab but when I got out into the "real world" everything fell apart because I hadn't developed the right coping skills to deal with everything that was being thrown at me. Transitional living was imperative for me post rehab, I needed somewhere where I could stay healthy but also regain my life (studying and eventually working) at the same time. A place in Virginia, they have places in FL as well, called the GRR sounds great for it- I follow them on twitter @refinedrecovery. I know they make you go to school or work as part of the program. In any case, definitely check out sober living facilities!!!!
Best!
Report This| Share this:Rehab did not work.Hey,<br />I hope you are doing better in the year that has passed. I know exactly what you're going through- the immed relapse upon returning. It was very similar for me and it really, really sucked. What I found out was that I could do everything right when I was in a super controlled environment like rehab but when I got out into the "real world" everything fell apart because I hadn't developed the right coping skills to deal with everything that was being thrown at me. Transitional living was imperative for me post rehab, I needed somewhere where I could stay healthy but also regain my life (studying and eventually working) at the same time. A place in Virginia, they have places in FL as well, called the GRR sounds great for it- I follow them on twitter @refinedrecovery. I know they make you go to school or work as part of the program. In any case, definitely check out sober living facilities!!!!<br />Best!
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