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Please do not judge me
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An_227139 posted:
Hello.

I am 32 years old and recently left a 9 yr relationship willingly. My partner has not worked for 2 years and I handled most of the bills. I started drinking about 3-4 years ago mostly wine then Vodka, etc, back to Wine. MY ex also drank and stated that it was to make him sleep. I am very embarrassed but here goes. Recently I started to drink to the point of passing out and wetting the bed. I have done this over and over and even though it is embarrassing, I still continue to drink. My Ex would complain, but would still give me something to drink. this became a habit and NOW I live with my mother, and she asked me if I drink. I told her Yes and to make the situation worse, she asked me if when I visited last year if I knew why her couch smelled like Urine. I stated that I did not know. to embarrassed to confess.

I am now single living with my mother, and I have been buying wine and gorging myself. My question is WHY am i drinking when I have family and loved ones who care about me, and there are others who have Major problems and use liquor to escape. I have a decent life so I do not understand why I drink. I just wanted someone with a similar experience to help me figure this out.

Sometimes I can go days or weeks without drinking, But then I always go back to it. MY self esteem is low, But so many people tell me how nice I am and how lucky I am, but yet I guzzle wine when I am all alone and I cannot explain the reason why I do it. PLEASE if anyone can help me to figure this out Thanks,
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An_227140 responded:
You should be proud that you have just taken the first step by realizing you have a problem, and there is support waiting at the nearest AA meeting. That 'habit' you describe could be addiction to alcohol. I suggest you check your phone book and call the AA Central Office to find meetings and comfort. When I did this many years ago, I went to a nearby city to a meeting because I didn't want to run into anyone I knew. The first person I saw was a friend from high school! We laughed because she was there to 'avoid detection', too. That was over 20 years ago, and I don't have to live with that pain, embarassment, anguish, etc. any more. Take care.
 
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responded:
Thank you for reaching out for help! First of all, you are not alone in this dilemma of drinking, even though you have a loving, supportive family. Many patients I see in treatment have loving families, manage to maintain their jobs and function quite well in the workplace; however, it is in their personal life that alcohol has become problematic. Your drinking is quite clearly causing you problems and embarrassment; wetting the bed and the couch is also common for problem drinkers.

Let me give you some hope and encouragement: alcoholism is a disease that is very treatable. Please be honest in asking yourself the following questions:

Do I drink when I've promised myself that I will not drink?
Do I drink to escape my feelings?
Do I participate in behaviors when under the influence that I'm ashamed of when sober?
Do I choose partners that drink as 'drinking buddies'?

If you answered yes to any of the above, I would recommend that you attend an Alcoholics Anonymous [AA> meeting. I would also recommend this based on the progression of your drinking, e.g. buying wine and gorging yourself, bed wetting, experiencing shame and low self-esteem. You can call your local AA Central Office, find a meeting to attend, raise your hand and introduce yourself as a newcomer. You do not need to identify as an alcoholic; the only requirement is to have a desire to stop drinking. Try it for just one day.

Another thought is to find an addiction counselor, which you can do by calling your local treatment center for a referral.

Good luck in your recovery and remember you need never again feel such low-self-esteem.


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