Substance Abuse Community

also my husband does not a have a support group etc.. i hope he opens up his eye balls to this situation...and is open for support etc...but until then what do i do???? is talking to his psychologist being codependent and if that is his safe place i would be takibg that from him by ratting him out forn taking xanax. He is my husband...... this is killing me..........

Hi Rach,

Thank you for reposting. Our experts look in towards the end of the week or over the weekend so I hope your patience pays off. I know this is all very difficult for you.

Hi rach,

I'm responding to this because you said your husband is on Sub. I too am on Sub. Something you said the dentist said is not making sense. Did you speak to the dentist? I have also been for general anesthesia several times while on Sub. It works. They knocked me out several times to do Colon procedures. And I believe that's considered mild or light anesthesia. I also had general anesthesia to have my Gall Bladder removed. It works. I have also been to the dentist and he numbed my entire mouth while he worked on me. I felt nothing. And I was on Sub. The only thing the dentist might give your husband that won't work are pain pills like Vicodin or Percocet. Actually they will work a little, just not much. But if the dentist wants to put him to sleep, that should work. And if the dentist just wants to numb the mouth, that too works. So yes your husband is lying. It is possible that your husband wants to be high so badly that he is trying to use Xanax since he can no longer use narcotics. That's why even when a person is on Sub, they are supposed to be in treatment for addiction with an addiction therapist. Addiction is a mental type of disease. Yes there is a chemical part to it, but there's also a mental issue that has to be addressed in therapy.

I don't know what you should do. If you rat him out to his psychologist, some therapists may throw him out. Others will keep him there because if they throw him out they can't help him. But if he's taking so much Xanax that he's a danger behind the wheel, that has to be addressed. He doesn't need that much Xanax for anxiety. I too take Xanax for occasional anxiety. I take either .5 or 1 mg. Sub actually boosts Xanax, so less is needed.

I guess if nothing else you need to tell your husband he's not being honest with you. And if he's also not being honest with himself, then the doc who's giving him the Xanax needs to know. See what the experts say.

Your husband needs an addiction medicine specialist to help wean him off Xanax, appropriately treat his pain during his post-op period and taper off the drug after that. You need your own boundaries, and a counselor well versed in codependency could help you greatly. Addiction to drugs is a very severe disease; an addiction to people may be even more deadly. Codependency can ruin your life, and I see by your question that you are in its throes. My wish is for a successful surgery for your husband and for you to find the guidance you need to get on with your own life - not his. Take care.

Thanks for all your responses. I went to my counselor that I have seen for 12 years as needed this week. I have continued my life, Yoga, work, friends, family.. I have set some boundaries. I dont get worked up woth the numerous drama filled events of his day. If he is messed up he sleeps in a different room. The past two nights he has not seem messed up. However he is still in addictive mode as he is angry and in denial that no one will give him xanax (not friends or doctors)and blah blah blah.... The surgery is Monday afternoon. I will work half the day and then attend and take him home from his surgery. Not what I am looking forward too!!! I will continue my life next week, however as awife I do care for my husband. My prayers are helping with some of my fear...but the situation sadens me beyond believe! I married him knowing their was a chance at relapse. However I never believed it would happen. I thought the communication with my husband would always be there and that the addict would not take over! The dentist said that the meds had previously not worked on pts who had high tolerance. I was there for this conversation. The Dentist however decided against the xanax after speaking with my husbands psychologist. Now my husband does not respect the psychologists....... well the addict in him doesnt right now. What healthy recommendations do you have for me to assist my husband through this?

It seems like you are starting to take some sound advice, setting appropriate boundaries and concentrating on the things you can change. You'll have to accept those things that you can't and simply be supportive of your husband's efforts to find the same kind of help. You can't do it for him, you can do it with him.