I am 64 year old retired nurse. I started drinking casually 5 years ago, mostly at gatherings with new friends in a new community.
I gradually started staying up late after my husband went to bed and would have a couple of glasses of wine. i have gradually increased to a nightly amount of about 5 drinks a night for about the past 3 years. I cannot stop once i start. I don't even know why I drink. I cannot stop.
My father and my sister were alcoholics.
I have come to the conclusion that I am an alcoholic. This really has not caused any social or family problems and my husband doesn't realize the extent of the problem since he is asleep when I start and in the morning I am fine.
I don't want to go to AA for several reasons. How can I help myself?
The good news is you know you're an alcoholic. A long time ago, someone with great insight into this disease wrote: "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics." That is the first step in recovery. Many alcoholics who falter along the way don't get that first step, so you're starting in a good place.
You say there are "several reasons" why you don't want to go to AA. If you can set those reasons aside and give the program a chance, you will experience an amazing peer-support opportunity. Finding a sponsor to help guide you in recovery will enhance the experience even more. There are a wide variety of meetings, including some specifically for those who work in health care, as you do.
Although you may not need inpatient chemical dependency treatment at this time, I feel you do need some professional help. Asking your doctor for advice is a good place to start.
You can't do this by yourself, and - equally important - you don't have to do this by yourself. Simply take that first step, and you'll have the support of your doctor, the fellowship of AA and a sponsor, and perhaps even outpatient treatment.
One day at a time, AA keeps me sober. Of course, I work with a sponsor, went to outpatient, and help other alcoholics. It is a miracle that I am over 4 years sober. Please give AA a chance. It is anonymous and if you ever have any questions, I would be glad to help you.
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