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Time for Change- Please help
An_245179 posted:
Hello,
I am a 27 year old female who lives alone, is single, and has a very successful career. I worked hard and moved up very FAST. I am also putting myself through Grad school to get a Masters in Business. My entire life I was the over achiever. I came from a very bad abusive childhood and got through that by becoming the opposite of what I grew up around. Hard work, goals, success...thats what always gave me validation. When I was 24 I had my first Vicodin after surgery and was in heaven. I Couldnt believe a pill could make you feel so good. Over a few years, a really bad break up and another surgery I ended up with a 15 Norco a day habit. Thats 1500MG a DAY, every day for the last 2.5 years. Nothing happened that made me "hit my bottom", but I came to a point where I realized it was VERY close for me and I have too much to risk losing it all. I noticed my personality changed, I am always emotion, irritable, tired and relying upon pills to do every day things like wake up in the morning, go to a movie. I paid a pretty penny for an expensive support group/detox program. I am on day 2 of Suboxone 1 8mg pill a day, and so far I am really happy. I hvaent felt this normal in years. I dont think about pills, I have NO Cravings, no withdrawals. its kind of amazing that I can feel this way and I had no idea there was this much hope. I woke up this morning and didnt even feel like I needed the suboxone today, so I am going to try to taper off as FAST as possible. My doctor has me on a 6 week schedule but Id like to get off within a week. I am signed up for 3 days a week support group. I am ready for the change. I flushed my 100 Norco I had left. I told my family.....nobody knew. Its time for a change. Problem is I am scared . I have no idea how to live wihtout this crutch I created for mysef. Is it dangerous for me to get off the sub sooo fast? I feel lke I can do it but is that a false feeling of confidence? I dont drink smoke have never been a "partier" , so thats why it took me so long to accept I had a problem. I really classified myself in a different category and it took a lot for me to come to terms with reality. I feel so alone and scared and I am tired of the guilt and shame of this dirty secret I have had for so long. Any general advice for me?
I am a 27 year old female who lives alone, is single, and has a very successful career. I worked hard and moved up very FAST. I am also putting myself through Grad school to get a Masters in Business. My entire life I was the over achiever. I came from a very bad abusive childhood and got through that by becoming the opposite of what I grew up around. Hard work, goals, success...thats what always gave me validation. When I was 24 I had my first Vicodin after surgery and was in heaven. I Couldnt believe a pill could make you feel so good. Over a few years, a really bad break up and another surgery I ended up with a 15 Norco a day habit. Thats 1500MG a DAY, every day for the last 2.5 years. Nothing happened that made me "hit my bottom", but I came to a point where I realized it was VERY close for me and I have too much to risk losing it all. I noticed my personality changed, I am always emotion, irritable, tired and relying upon pills to do every day things like wake up in the morning, go to a movie. I paid a pretty penny for an expensive support group/detox program. I am on day 2 of Suboxone 1 8mg pill a day, and so far I am really happy. I hvaent felt this normal in years. I dont think about pills, I have NO Cravings, no withdrawals. its kind of amazing that I can feel this way and I had no idea there was this much hope. I woke up this morning and didnt even feel like I needed the suboxone today, so I am going to try to taper off as FAST as possible. My doctor has me on a 6 week schedule but Id like to get off within a week. I am signed up for 3 days a week support group. I am ready for the change. I flushed my 100 Norco I had left. I told my family.....nobody knew. Its time for a change. Problem is I am scared . I have no idea how to live wihtout this crutch I created for mysef. Is it dangerous for me to get off the sub sooo fast? I feel lke I can do it but is that a false feeling of confidence? I dont drink smoke have never been a "partier" , so thats why it took me so long to accept I had a problem. I really classified myself in a different category and it took a lot for me to come to terms with reality. I feel so alone and scared and I am tired of the guilt and shame of this dirty secret I have had for so long. Any general advice for me?
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Time for Change- Please helpHello,<br /> <br />I am a 27 year old female who lives alone, is single, and has a very successful career. I worked hard and moved up very FAST. I am also putting myself through Grad school to get a Masters in Business. My entire life I was the over achiever. I came from a very bad abusive childhood and got through that by becoming the opposite of what I grew up around. Hard work, goals, success...thats what always gave me validation. When I was 24 I had my first Vicodin after surgery and was in heaven. I Couldnt believe a pill could make you feel so good. Over a few years, a really bad break up and another surgery I ended up with a 15 Norco a day habit. Thats 1500MG a DAY, every day for the last 2.5 years. Nothing happened that made me "hit my bottom", but I came to a point where I realized it was VERY close for me and I have too much to risk losing it all. I noticed my personality changed, I am always emotion, irritable, tired and relying upon pills to do every day things like wake up in the morning, go to a movie. I paid a pretty penny for an expensive support group/detox program. I am on day 2 of Suboxone 1 8mg pill a day, and so far I am really happy. I hvaent felt this normal in years. I dont think about pills, I have NO Cravings, no withdrawals. its kind of amazing that I can feel this way and I had no idea there was this much hope. I woke up this morning and didnt even feel like I needed the suboxone today, so I am going to try to taper off as FAST as possible. My doctor has me on a 6 week schedule but Id like to get off within a week. I am signed up for 3 days a week support group. I am ready for the change. I flushed my 100 Norco I had left. I told my family.....nobody knew. Its time for a change. Problem is I am scared . I have no idea how to live wihtout this crutch I created for mysef. Is it dangerous for me to get off the sub sooo fast? I feel lke I can do it but is that a false feeling of confidence? I dont drink smoke have never been a "partier" , so thats why it took me so long to accept I had a problem. I really classified myself in a different category and it took a lot for me to come to terms with reality. I feel so alone and scared and I am tired of the guilt and shame of this dirty secret I have had for so long. Any general advice for me?
ljude38 responded:
I am an addiction specialist in Califonia and have been working in the field for many years now. Congrats on your attempting to change some things in your life. Stopping opiates is a doable thing but please know there is support out there. I have been working with rapid detox for many years now and really feel its the only way to go but it isnt for everyone. Please keep me posted on how everything is going.
Report This| Share this:Time for Change- Please helpI am an addiction specialist in Califonia and have been working in the field for many years now. Congrats on your attempting to change some things in your life. Stopping opiates is a doable thing but please know there is support out there. I have been working with rapid detox for many years now and really feel its the only way to go but it isnt for everyone. Please keep me posted on how everything is going.
You've done a lot of great things so far and have come to some good insights about yourself and the disease you have.
However, there is one more thing that I would advise you do right now: Let the professionals take care of your medical program while you focus on your recovery program. There is no need to micro-manage your Suboxone treatment, especially since you indicate that is what got you into trouble in the first place.
So if you just 'suit up and show up' and try to listen to those who have some experience doing this thing, you'll do just fine.
However, there is one more thing that I would advise you do right now: Let the professionals take care of your medical program while you focus on your recovery program. There is no need to micro-manage your Suboxone treatment, especially since you indicate that is what got you into trouble in the first place.
So if you just 'suit up and show up' and try to listen to those who have some experience doing this thing, you'll do just fine.
Report This| Share this:Time for Change- Please helpYou've done a lot of great things so far and have come to some good insights about yourself and the disease you have. <br /> <br /> However, there is one more thing that I would advise you do right now: Let the professionals take care of your medical program while you focus on your recovery program. There is no need to micro-manage your Suboxone treatment, especially since you indicate that is what got you into trouble in the first place.<br /> <br /> So if you just 'suit up and show up' and try to listen to those who have some experience doing this thing, you'll do just fine. <br /> <br />
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