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jaws86-tired of being an addict
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jaws86 posted:
I am a 47 yo male with a 16 year history of polysubstance abuse with prescription drugs. In 1996 I went to Talbott Recovery Campus in Atlanta for a 5 month rehab and managed to stay clean until I relapsed in 2008. I was devastated and now I have been clean for 4 years and am active in NA. Im tired of being an addict and that sqeaky little guy on TV for Malibu treatment center says he was an addict for 10 years, now he is not. That grinds my ass and I want to kick his. I have always been taught that the cure for addiction is death. I have multiple back and neck problems that required me to retire as a nurse and on pain medication and a neurostimulator placement. I am currently on Opana 20mg ER with Percocet 10/325 2-3x as needed. My wife has control of my drug dispensing and I have to go to her office to get a dose. I am very close with the people In my pharmacy and I asked them to have my wife only to pick up my narcotics. I have a titanium rod in my neck from 4 ruptured discs and have 4 bulging lumbar discs with some nerve displacement. I wont be able to get off these meds because the stimulator only provides minimal relief. Anyone with familiar stories?
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An_240941 responded:
My mom has 4 bulging disks, rheumatoid arthritis, & carpal tunnel. She is also bone on bone in her hands & her shoulder. She has a neck injury from a car accident years ago that can not be corrected and she has fractures in her hips that never healed correctly...along with some other things. Anyhow, not only is she similar to you in extensive injuries (although clearly not the same), but she is also an addict. She has been addicted to prescription narcotics and cocaine most of my life. She was in and out of rehabs since I was a kid & they never worked. She honestly didn't get clean & sober until my oldest daughter was about 2yrs old & my daughter is now 4yrs old....so it really hasn't been that long. It took some extremes for her to clean up. First I had to take my kid from her, she wasn't allowed to see her at all ( I couldn't risk my kids safety over her addiction), then my dad had to take a job out of state & move her out of her "comfort zone" so she wouldn't be around her druggie friends or dealers & what not (get her away from the environment...especially since we are from Las Vegas), then he had to start rationing her meds to her. She is truly in immense pain & can't live with out her meds, but she has built up such a tolerance to them that she has no self control with them. She understands this & knows it is better for her that she doesn't maintain her meds herself. They tried to go back to letting her ration her own meds & she couldn't do it. She took a months supply in I think a 2wk period (granted that was an improvement but it still left her S.O.L. the rest of the month & sick in bed from the withdrawal & pain). We moved the next state over from them & only about an hr away & when she comes here to stay the night with my kids & I have to take her meds as soon as she gets here, count them, call my dad & verify, & ration them to her (same when she goes to stay with my brother & his wife & kids, who are 9hr away). We have pulled together as a family to support her & help her maintain her sobriety as well as her pain. Sometimes she has bad days where she gets mad & resents us for it & wishes she could just do what she wants. It isn't always easy for her. At the end of the day she is still an addict (recovered or not) & she still has days where she struggles, but on the other hand most days she is ok & is happy we are there to help her & support her. Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that there are others out there with similar stories...my mom & our family being one of them. She is an addict who lives in extreme pain & will never be able to get off her meds & she also suffers from depression that she has to keep maintained with other prescriptions (I linger in the depression community from time to time). Point being, you're not alone. I'm here if you want to talk... I know it wouldn't be the same as talking to my mom since she is the one who lives the similar story, but maybe easier than talking to your wife?...since I'm an outsider looking in yet in a similar position as she is?....Anyhow...just know I'm here & there are others living with pain & maintaining an addiction with family support.


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