I am not sure if I am in the right place but I thought I would start here. I was trying to locate a site for alcohol and its effects on one's personality. I am not a drinker, but I have been around people who do drink, socially mostly. I have been around people, friends and family members, who have gotten what some would say as drunk. My experiences being around someone who drinks a little too much is that typically their personality doesn't seem to change or at least not drastically. I am looking for some answers in hopes I can get to the bottom of what is happening to my boyfriend and if it is typical. He can have several drinks one day and there will be no change in him except maybe he will get tired or even chatty, nothing detrimental. He can have the exact same amount and type of drinks several days later and out of no where can become so verbally aggressive and hurtful I don't know where it comes from or why it happened. We are not arguing or anything. I can say anything such as "what would you like to do tonight?" (I should say we live together). We can be out for dinner and having a nice time, he has a couple of drinks (honestly I have seen people drink more than he does) and all of a sudden it's like he wants to pick a fight. When I notice him getting this way I try to avoid him or much conversation at all costs because I know the littlest thing will escalate him. Unfortunately this doesn't always work. He will be so "picky" in hopes of getting me angry or upset so he can have someone to yell at. When I don't subscribe to getting upset, this makes him push even more to where he will say such terrible things to me. Anyway, my question is, can a person have, say, three drinks today without any changes in how he acts, then have the same amount and type of drink a few days later with a totally different personality outcome? Can liquor have this effect on a person or could there be an underlying issue (mental health maybe?) where the alcohol all of a sudden has a different effect on him. As I said previously, with any relationship I have had or friendships where I have been around people who have several drinks, I have never experienced this with anyone before. Thank you for listening. If I am in the wrong place for this discussion, would you please tell me what community might be able to help? Thank you again.
Your boyfriend may be exhibiting some characteristics of a certain type of alcoholic as described in the chapter "The Doctor's Opinion" of Alcoholics Anonymous. If you read this chapter, you can decide for yourself.
It would also be a good idea for you to candidly tell your boyfriend how his drinking affects you. This may encourage him to see his doctor regarding additional information for himself.
Thank you for your advice. I will read the chapter you suggest. I have, on many occasions, talked with my boyfriend how his drinking affects me. We are in our forty's and he tells me he believes he is old enough to determine if he has a problem or not. He says he believes he does not have a problem or drink too much, which depending how you look at it, may be true. As I stated in my first discussion, it could be as little as two drinks which affects his personality, then there are times he seems perfectly ok. Also, whether he is telling me the truth or trying to cover up how verbally hurtful he can become when he does drink, he states he does not remember doing or saying any of the things I mention to him. Again, I will read what you suggested.
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You may want to look into attending an Al-Anon meeting (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ ). I have been attending them for 8 months and has been helping me a lot. My husband has a tendency to try very hard to push my buttons/annoy the heck out of me when he is drunk. I know it's hard, but it is very important that you don't get angry when he is trying to pick a fight with you. It is still difficult for me, but I am getting better at dealing with it. I try to walk away and repeat the Lord's Prayer or Serenity Prayer, or I will pray... just something that will help me to calm down.
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Sorry I can't help you, because I'm in the same situation, hopefully we find answers, I don't know about you but it's driving me insane seeing the man I love destroy himself. If anyone out there has answers for us please post.
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