I need help standing my ground in regards to my pregnant daughter. She is 25, on Methadone, no job, no money, quit school with only one class left, she has Hepatitis C and has no driving licenses and a Felony for possession of heroin. She is on probation and only in the last 4 or 5 months gotten on methadone. She is exclaiming she will not adopt or terminate the pregnancy. She has been in a half way house but I believe she will have to leave. All of this is irrelevant to me, I think that it is a HORRIBLE idea that she intends to be a "mother". I am only 47. I don't want to raise another child. I am firmly app posed to her intentions. Our relationship is very bad and I am tired of my life being imposed upon. I have spent tensX6 of dollars on her care all for it to end in this. I see disaster on the horizon and want not to get stuck with this baby. I am an enabler . I go to naranon and am well aware of resources for my aid. I believe she will be 2 months along soon. HELP, please , aim being battered by her demands and guilt! Thank you for any kind replies.
Thanks for your Reply!
You expressed your main issue when you said "I am an enabler." It's important for your own mental well-being that you 'stick to your guns' and set boundaries that you don't cross. Support from Nar-anon and Al-anon can benefit you a lot. Also, if your daughter is on drugs of any kind when her child is born, the decision on who raises it may be taken away along with the baby. It's a sad situation indeed, and my heart goes out to you. Please try to separate your daughter's disease (addiction) from who she really is. The child you raised and loved is still there, caught up in her disease. Eventually you may reconcile, but until then, it's important you set healthy boundaries you can keep.
Thank you Anon for you response.
I am in such anguish now. I continue to receive messages from my daughter full of hate and poison. She is determined to keep this child at any cost including verbally battering me about my poor parenting skills. Sticking to your guns and drawing boundaries is key but I see myself turning into a resentful person. I am so tired of the years of horrible choices on her part. Tired of being told its because I raised her and abused her. She is an only child of a broken marriage, use to getting her way, thus the enabling. It's hard not to sink into depression. If she had one thing on her own that she could provide for this baby I might would have a different message to tell her.
As for the drugs, as far as I know she can be on methadone while pregnant and during the last trimester, the "clinic" may raise her dose due to blood supply to the baby. I understand the mechanics of the "program" but I done understand the mentality of keeping a baby under such circumstances as hers. I am heart broken for my daughter for she cannot see the bigger picture. It's all so very sad. I may be bashed for my actions of denying the child of a grandparent but I see the life long commitment it will take to a child and the possible but likely illness it will be subjected to. My husband and I have made a conscious decision to NOT have more children. I have a very limited familial support system as both my parents have passed and I only have one sibling in another state. Is it so wrong not to want to raise someone else's child, all be it my daughters? Is it so wrong to have a life of my own after years of living through a drug addicts behaviors? I'm crushed by her apparent hatred of her own life. I know she is sick, that is the very reason I believe it is so wrong for her to have a child at this point in her life.
I appreciate any responses and that I have had a chance to lament.
May you have peace in your life.
I know it can be comforting to have support from strangers who wish you the best. However, in this case - where your health can be jeopardized by carrying such a heavy load - it might be in your best interest to meet face to face with a therapist. Depression can be crippling, and everyone deserves the right to live the best life possible.
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