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    Detachment Is Healthy
    avatar
    An_256354 posted:
    In less than 1 week, I will be 50 years old. If women were warriors, I think I would of been one in my past life. I've learned every day that life is what you make of it. You are stronger than you think & feel. But it takes acceptance in your heart to work through your pain. It takes trust & honesty in your heart. Listening to your inner self is key. I grew up in an alcoholic home and as the eldest daughter my environment allowed me to be tough; like a man. Thank God for the strength & warmth of my mother I found my inner " little girl." I had two men in my life I loved dearly. My grandfather & Godfather. They have since past and were both alcoholics. Both loving towards me & accepting with every small or big decision I made in life. Unfortunately, their way of living included alcohol and distorted my hope and example of what I liked in the men I was involved with. In short, I married at age 41, divorced after 6 years and found myself always focused on my career. I detached from my unhealthy marriage & fell in love a few years later with the man of my dreams. Happy go lucky, handsome, an iron worker and a responsible single father who had a simple way of living I enjoyed being a part of. We were on again off again for close to 2 years this August. He is a High Functioning Alcoholic. Last week he was out with friends while I was working & he hadn't called; as we would get together for the weekend. When he did call, I knew he had been drinking. And I was very upset because he had also been driving. It wasn't the first, second or third time. And since he is close to being 56, his excuses were always, "I don't need a mother!" That was it for me! I. Couldn't accept his excuses anymore. He hung up on me & I was surprisingly calm. I felt a release in my heart from the anguish I so felt used to from my past mentors in my life & past men in my life. My heart is full of sadness for my soulmate & I can only pray he is safe. I am only a person & can not fix, worry or obsess over my love anymore. I cannot change him. I can only change ME. And my early Birthday gift to myself is Healthy Detachment and a light heart for him. I love him very much & pray for him and can only hope the gift I have given him, was a small seed I planted for his sobriety.
    Reply
     
    avatar
    houstongal responded:
    Hi-

    Good for you on that decision. He will change, or he will not, but you can't control that... Better that you know- and deal with- the issue now rather than later.

    I quite drinking only after an intervention and ultimatum. With some it works, and others not so much.


    All the best- the 50s have been my best decade yet- go figure.
     
    avatar
    sorenitynow replied to houstongal's response:
    Thank you. I guess you hear what I'm expressing.I appreciate you reply & insight. It's tough yo detatch. And it's tougher to see the signs of alcoholism when the alcoholic is in denial. I know all I can do is sit quietly & pray for him. I miss him dearly.


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