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    Ready To Get Sober
    An_257151 posted:
    Long Story Short. I have been addicted to opiate pain killers for about 5 years now. We have a love hate relationship. I love to do them but I hate the withdrawals. I have always been a functioning addict. Held down a full time job. Member of the PTA. Awesome children. Clean house. Family is none the wiser. However, I am feeling over it. I hate worrying about my supply, the cost, the long term effects, my family or worse kids finding out when they are older, overdosing, etc. I am so done with this life. I am ready to get clean and have started tapering myself off to help offset the withdrawal symptoms a little bit as I cannot take any time off from work. I do not want to do some of the things suggested, such as taking benzos to help. I do not want to trade one drug for another, and honestly, I never liked benzos. Just the painkillers. My question is, does anyone have any experience with natural remedies, vitamins, supplements, etc. that will help me to lessen the symptoms? I know it will not take them all away, but if it would just make it tolerable so I could still work? Also, I have never been sober more than 4 days and was still withdrawing. So, how long can I expect to be "sick" for? I would like to do this in a week where I don't have a lot of activities planned so I can make this as easy as possible on myself and my children. I want to keep them as sheltered as possible going through this. Any suggestions would help. Also, I am prepared for after the detox. I have looked up my local support groups for NA and classes and times. I have a sobriety book that goes day by day to keep you inspired. I am motivated and I am ready. I just need the tools and the resources to get me through the detox. Thanks for reading and helping.
    lablife responded:
    I'm not sure what exactly you are taking, or what your dose is. But I can tell you that 5 years is a long time, and understand that it will take some time to get back to normal. If you can fill us in on what you are taking, and how much, we can give you a better idea.
    An_257151 replied to lablife's response:
    Well, pretty much whatever it is still snortable. Hydrocodone, Oxycodone mostly. Depending on what I can get or how many, my dose varies. Usually roughly between 100-450mg a day. I usually don't venture too far out of that realm just because I'm a snorter. I don't really care for the Xanax or any downers like that. I take the pain pills to get the energy to function and juggle daily life. I need the energy they give me. I am trying to stay positive. I've started to wheen myself down and I've been tapering and have my final use date set as May 25. I know I will still have withdrawals, but hoping it's not as extreme as it could be.
    Anon_158160 responded:
    Since you realize you do have an addiction and you need help, have you considered seeking guidance from a physician? There are addictionologists in many cities, physicians who are aware of the consequences of addiction to pain medication.
    An_257225 responded:
    HI, I read your story and you sound like such a very strong person. I had been addicted to Darvocet for over 20 years. They then took Darvocet off the market. It was replaced by 10mg vicoden which I am currently taking. My Dr took me off it about 2 yrs ago and embarrassing I have been buying off the streets. I am being way overcharged but I have to take it. I tried cutting down but It isn't working. I get sick, I cry, I get more than anxious. I have been under the care of a psychiatrist for about 5 years but for different reasons. He is not aware of my addiction. I am afraid to tell him as I don't want to be sent off to somewhere I know nothing about. I was also seeing a psychiatrist Physcologist to talk with. I went to her once a week. I didn't tell her either. I also am a functioning addict. So that tells me there is nothing wrong with it. I CAN'T function without it. I usually take about 12 10mg vic a day if I have it. If not have enuff I take at least 9 of them. Right now my Nut dr has me on; 20mg lexipro, 100mg Lamotrigine once a day. 10mg Valium 3x day, 100mg Serequel (which I take serequel to sleep at nite). I was taking ephedrine until IA made it illegal so can't get it. I need the energy. I can't smoke pot as THC just makes me sick & very tired. What I guess what I am saying is that I just want to have energy and be happy. When I took my 9 Darvocet 3x a day and my ephedrine I was happy. So I know if I could just get Darvocet and my ephedrine I would be ok. My pain would be gone and I would feel happy taking my ephedrine. I did get some Adderall from a friend that worked great. So I guess I am just telling my story.
    An_257225 replied to Anon_158160's response:
    I have tried to work with my physicians and there is nothing they will do for me. they just look at me like I am just a drug seeker.
    An_257151 replied to An_257225's response:
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is so comforting to know there are other people like me. I had a clean date in my head, start wheening down and was pretty much mentally prepared. I got 19 hours into it and couldn't do it anymore. So I had to go buy more. Ever since then instaed of staying tapered down, I got worse. I'm so depressed. I'm also on the Lamictal and antidepressant as well as Ativan. I have looked into trying to get into the Suboxone dr because when I've taken subitex on the streets, it totally works amazingly. But not the suboxone. Just the subitex. no sickness or shakes or withdrawls. its amazing. But here in UT there are only special drs that can prescribe that stuff. Also most insurances won't cover it and the cost for the visit and the prescription is about $700. Which in all reality is way cheaper than my addiction but you never look at it like that when you spend small amounts every day. Not $700 in one whack. I have to do something though because I just can't live like this anymore. Do you have any tricks that help somewhat with the actual withdrawals?
    An_257151 replied to An_257225's response:
    I really understand what you are saying about looking like a drug seeker. Seems like nowadays, the nurses, doctors, pharmacists, pharmacy techs, are all trained to think that any time somebody needs pain medication they are automatically a seeker. It is absolutely ridiculous. They have made pain medication pretty much outlawed in the minds of most, when in all reality, it's not the pills fault, it's the addicts fault for choosing to start. I know my addiction is my fault and I own that. On the other hand though, there are still some good doctors out there. If you admit to them you are an addict they won't give you any opiates but maybe some suboxone or subitex or methadone or ativan valium zanex plus some stomach medication to at least get you through the withdrawals. then it would be up to you to stay clean after that. Maybe it's best to just be honest with your doctor and tell him you need help getitng over the withdrawal part then you are planning on staying clean, going to meetings, you have a sponsor, blah blah. Tell him what he wants to hear to give you the withdrawal medication. Then withdraw. Then stay clean. Easier said then done but true believer anybody can do it. I don't do meetings with strange people, so when I finally do go clean, I plan to use these message boards as a support group for my sobriety. But before you go clean you need to mentally prepare yourself for it. The emotions, the sickness, the social aspect, etc. It really does help to be somewhat mentally and emotionallly prepared. I also found that writing in a journal helps so much. Good luck to you.
    iambetter080513 replied to An_257151's response:
    An_257151- I was a very functioning addict myself. When my daughter was born, I was prescribed percocet for the pain. That was the end of the next two years of my life. Having a new baby at home is tiring, as you know- pain meds can give you that boost of energy and happy feeling. They make life happier. I never stopped. My pill addiction grew worse over the next two years. I have a great job, am a great mother, and functioned well for someone taking 7-8 pills a day. Things just kept getting worse, I was calling in when i didn't feel good, I was running out of money, ect. On Thursday 08/1/13, i started to make some calls to doctors that do suboxone in my area. I found one that had a really supportive person do the screening on the phone. My introduction appointment was on 08/05/14. On friday 8/2, i went in to just talk to them and go over anything i might have take care off. We set my induction for Tuesday- 8/5/14
    iambetter080513 replied to An_257151's response:
    I am a recovering HIGHLY FUNCTIONING addict. On 9/29/10, i had a gorgeous daughter. She became my whole world. At that time- pecocets were my whole world too. I was a new mother with a baby that never slept and i noticed that the pills gave me energy-By the time I went back to work in January, i was taking 4-5 pills a day, and forgot how to live without them. I left work as a hardworking, cheerful pregnant woman, came back an addict. I started to hate myself. I was sick if i didn't have enough- and enough was causing me to spend all of my money. By August of 2013 i was up to 7-8 pills a day- i was broke, i had wasted 2 years of my daughters life. I forgot how to live without drugs. I hated myself. I was worried, this was so unlike me. I tried numerous times to wean off, vitamins, comfort measures, I tried every way that i saw online, but i knew i wasnt going to be avle to do it myself. I made an appointment on 08/02/2013 to talk to them about the program an what it entails. I also voiced my concerns about swapping one drug tor another. By the time I left there- my suboxone induction date was 08/5/14. I showed up on 8/5 in complete withdraw as suggested. Felt like death, but i was so over this cycle. By 8/5/2014 at dinner time my life had changed. I felt BETTER than i had in two years. i started on 8 mgs. Here we are on 6/4/14, not even a year and I am weaning off- currently at 4.25 a day and i have NEVER FELT BETTER. I cannot wait until it is gone from my life completely. My relationships are better-but life is better-work is better. And the best thing of all? My daughter has her mom back. I will always regret being a drug addict for the first 2 years of her life- I cannot get that time back, but Suboxone has changed my life- SAVED my life is more like it. You can do this, and please if you don't feel you can do it on your own- seek some help like i did. Good luck!

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