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Telling DH he needs to go get tested - needs a little push to go do it!
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Jackienalen posted:
I'm wondering if anyone can give me tips to help calm DHs nerves. It's time for him to go and get his SA test (he's not had one yet), and each time I bring this up to him he gets this poor pittiful face and looks so embarassed about the thought of having to provide a sample.

We've been trying on our own since 06/08 and as of 04/10 we've (more so me) turned medical assistance to TTC. I've had the initial testing and have learned that I have PCOS and do not ovulate regularly... My Dr. wanted us try for a couple more months on our own using OPKs and if we still weren't successfull by 09/10 she wanted DH to go and get a SA. We've put it off for a month thinking that we "just didn't try enough" due to things that happened during those months on our own.

Now that I've started mentioning to him that he needs to make his appointment, he seems to be stalling. He did say to me that the thought of providing the sample makes him feel like "a dirty old man." Ok, I get that, but I'm sorry, we go through far worse things than that when we're tested for X, Y, or Z! I know he's worried that there might actually be something wrong with him, but the only way we'll know is if he goes in and gets his tests done.

I want to be sympathetic and supportive, but I've gotten to the point that I have lost my sympathy for him. Either he's in it with me or he's NOT. I can't do this on my own, and to be stonewalled when trying to move to the next step is very frustrating...

How did you get past this? I've even gone so far as to tell him that he could get his sample at home and I'd drop it off at the doctor... but it just doesn't seem like he's over his fear of the whole thing.

We get pressured to have children from everyone - his parents, my parents, our friends, our family, my co-workers, you name it - I'm sure they've said something. He's even been talking more and more about "when we have kids" I feel like I'm in it alone, and dealing with my own private let downs each month is heartbreaking. If he was just willing to go through with this and get on to the next step, it'd make it that much easier... but I just don't know how to get him to see that.

Sorry for the venting session!

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
:) Jackie (30)TTC 1 since 06/08 - possible PCOS & other Medical Issues - DH (33) no testing for him yet
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FrmGirl responded:
I had to flat out tell my DH that I if I have to spread my legs every other day for a trans-vag US while I'm on clomid, have an HSG, 9 tubes of blood drawn at once, and suffer through the side effects of glucophage he could at least give a sample for a SA. Plus...he might actually enjoy his test! ;)

I also, more calmly, told him that him stalling made me feel like it was ok if the only thing blocking us having children was me. But it wasn't ok if he was blocking us from having kids. Almost like it should always be the woman's "fault." That made me feel tiny. He didn't realize I felt that way. He didn't cast blame on our infertility no more than he casts blame on the rain. But once he realized that and saw how much it really did hurt me for him to stall like that, he was willing to have the sa done. Turns out he had low sperm count. He wears boxers now and the count is back up! Simple test, simple fix.

I hope it works out for you. And don't apologize for venting. That's what we are here for!
Hannah(28)DH(26) TTC since 12/2005 M/C 2007(blighted ovum) Early delivery 2008 (23wks) Jude: May 21, 2008 - May 31, 2008; Gabriel: (adopted) Feb 2010.
 
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hopefulk77 responded:
I'm having the same issue with DH, he was on medication that could impact his count and although he keeps saying he will go, does not.

A few months ago I blew up at him and explained I feel like he could not care less, every month I am upset by not being pregnant and he could take 5 minutes to make a big contribution to how I feel. If it's a sperm issue that would help me with my fears.

DH samples are much easier dealt with than womens ones - all our procedures are very invasive. Plus if he had a low count we could skip months of trying and start getting help....

So i feel for you on this one.... I have a specialist appt in Dec and he will be providing them with a sample.

He gets what I am saying about how badly I feel, and he knows that his test is so tiny compared to what i will have to go through but he still finds ways to get out of providing a sample :(
K (32), DH (34), TTC 1 Since Oct 08, M/C Jun09 (10wks) http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/KL
 
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hppyTurtle responded:
Hi Jackie! I had similar issues w/ my DH. Men are just scared b/c they think if their swimmers aren't awesome, then they're not as manly. In the end, I got him to agree by taking his sample in for him, and by appealing to his very reasonable side - the part that's cheap! I let him know that, beyond our peace of mind, it would be good to not spend money on more treatments for me until we knew what was going on with him. I've found that men, at least the men in my life, are more and more rational the less personal it is :) Kind of sneaky, but effective!

HTH!
Me (28) and DH (29) TTC our first since March '09. October '10 Lap showed mild endo
 
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fiannakyn replied to hppyTurtle's response:
I made my DH go with me to my yearly Pap, and told him this was NOTHING compared to the fertility tests, I also told him without the sample I was going to assume he has no swimmers and I'd go find a boy toy to take his place in the bed.
I still had to do everything for him except putting the sample in the jar. I had to make the apointment, provide him with incentive, have the bottle and bag ready, transport the sample (in my bra!) to the lab and check it in. But it got done. and he has low (but still in normal range) motility, so now I make him take vits and make jokes about his sperm needing GPS. and occational jokes about a boytoy anyway :P

So make him go see one of your tests for comparison.
Vicky Dh(33) TTC1 10 years. PCOS w/IR. Clomid 100mg, MetXR 1500mg,DCI1200mg, currrent cycle cd1- 11/8. www.fertilityfriend.com/home/a141b
 
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ReneeSP responded:
Put things in perspective
Describe the tests you have to go through, on top of the tracking, the charting, the watching what you eat, drink, do and that when you are successful you have to turn your body over to baby for 9 months, give birth, breast feed, etc. All he has to do is hrmmhrmm in a cup once. :) good luck.
 
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Jackienalen responded:
Thanks Ladies!

I think I'm feeling a little bit better. It's nice to know that MY DH isn't the ONLY one who seems to cause trouble when getting him to do his share in this!

I will definately be using the financial aspect to get him motivated! He's exactly the type that will agree with that perspective.

I've tried telling him in gross detail about all of the issues I have to go through during my tests... that part hasn't won him over on they sympathy scale.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I finally get through to him! He has to go in for shoulder surgery in December so I'm hoping that I can get him into have his SA done before then. Maybe I'll just tell him that all I want for Xmas is him to go get his SA done! ;)
:) Jackie (30)TTC 1 since 06/08 - possible PCOS


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