My name is Renee and I'm graduating into the 12-month group. As much as I'm sure you guys are an awesome group, I am really devastated to find myself here and am having one of the particularly hard days today. I am 28, my DH is 31. We went off BC in April 2010 and were using OPKs up until Dec 2010, when I got aggrevated and went to see my gyno and started charting on FF. I have done CD3 and CD21 bloodwork, which showed hyperprolactinaemia, androgen excess and low progesterone. I started taking Bromocriptine, Prednisone and I'm starting Progesterone this cycle. I am supposed to go in to have a procedure to dialate my cirvex a little this cycle as well, and my DH is getting his first S/A this week. From there, I'll figure out when I'm ready to go in for an HSG. The NP who is an endocrine specialist said maybe June, but I'm not sure I want to wait that long and plan on asking the doctor about it when I go in for my cirvex thing. I know its just my doom and gloom mood right now, but I feel like if there's more bad news I'd just like it all up front you know? I'd like to not drag out the bad news in stages. I also rarely if ever have EWCM and I don't know what kind of issue that might be.
The last few weeks I fell into kind of an acceptance and made peace with the fact that I'm in this for the long haul and thought I had accepted it, but today with AF knocking on the door, I'm just falling apart again. I've got to go see the inlaws for Easter, with all the new babies and newly pregnant cousins, and I really need to have the strength for it. When I think of this time last year when we were so excited to start trying and making plans for hopefully a spring baby, I just want to give up because I am not sure I can face more dissapointment. I can't believe it's been a year. I'm sure most of you know this feeling, but I just feel broken and like less of a woman right now. My DH and I want several kids, a big family, and we believe we'd like to adopt whether or not we get a biological child anyway, but in looking into the cost today I just feel that door closing on me too, and I can't believe how strong this desire to be a mother is. I've waited for the right guy and the right time and the stability, and I've been waiting so long I feel like surely this is some kind of bad dream.
Sorry for this long, rambling introduction :) Its just this mood I can't shake today. I'm normally a much more upbeat person! I hope to find some strength and encouragement here to keep moving forward and not give up on it yet.