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Snappy Replies to Dumb TTC Comments
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff posted:
How do you deal with the people who are "instant experts" on a topic you've been living with--Trying To Conceive?

Comment: "If you stop trying, it will happen."

Reply: "If that's true, I wonder how all of those fertility experts stay in business?"

Comment: "Are you doing it in the right position?"

Reply: "No, we've been using the anti-conception position. Thanks for clearing that up for us!"

I'm sure you've heard comments like these and dozens of other "helpful" remarks that must drive you crazy. How do you deal with them? Do you make snappy comebacks, try to educate, or just ignore them?

Share your favorite questions and responses so we're all ready for the next time it happens (because you know it will!)

Byroney

Cross posted to TTC and Infertility Treatment.
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.~
Roseanne Barr

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sarahann78 responded:
I always get "you should try adoption, everyone who adopts ends up pregnant too" - seriously? I don't have any replies, I just usually try to get away :S
 
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FrmGirl replied to sarahann78's response:
LOL! I love to laugh at that one b/c we did adopt and have yet to end up pregnant!!!!

People would always tell me to relax and it would happen soon. Or, my favorite, "I know you are going to be telling me any day now that you are pregnant since you quit trying!"
Really? My reply (which always closed their mouths): "Please give me your direct line to God b/c it seems he is telling you things that he is not telling me."

Works every time!
Hannah(29)DH(26) TTC since 12/2005 Dx PCOS in 2006 M/C 2007(blighted ovum) Early delivery 2008 (23wks) Jude: May 21, 2008 - May 31, 2008; Gabriel: (adopted) Feb 2010.
 
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BethAnn88 responded:
It drives me nuts when people say things like "just stop trying and it will happen". I have yet to come up with a good comeback for that one so I'd love some suggestions!! My mom has been particularly bad about saying things like that. She had five kids without trying for any of us. So I guess in her mind, a person shouldn't need to try. How I wish it were that simple!
Me(29) DH(31) TTC since 1/09. M/C 5/09 @ 10wks. Started seeing RE 12/10 and dx'd w/ mild endo. 1st IUI 4/11=BFN
 
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l8dsheena responded:
come from a big Catholic community, so naturally there are a lot of big families (i myself am 1 of 10). most women who have been married as long as i (9 years) are on at least their 4th one. the "when are you going to have more?" question comes up too often to count. its so frustrating!
 
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sarahann78 replied to FrmGirl's response:
I am almost anxious to use this comeback! Thanks so much, its so simple and I think will be very effective.
 
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JMChappell responded:
I get the "it will happen".....I say: really? it's been 13 darn months, will you stop saying that already like it's going to happen any day; like it's nothing? I was actually told by my mother that it was "stupid and a waste of money" to see a fertility expert....then of course the "it will happen".
I have gotten the "stop trying" many times too. How can you not? I just wanna yell at them (but I don't) when they say that because this is a very important issue to my husband and I and I am suppose to just "not worry" or "not try"? Btw, one person this is coming from is my mother especially who has had 4 kids and has never taken an ovulation or pregnancy test, let alone even talk to a fertility expert, or go through the stress, heartbreak, or frustration.
I really have not come up with an "ok" response to any of these pestering "expert" comments because I get so frustrated when someone asks them!!...anybody got any ideas?
 
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JMChappell replied to sarahann78's response:
Many people say that not realizing that adoption is not as easy as everyone thinks. You can't just pop into an agency and say "I want a kid!". That's what I would tell them=> I just can't wait until someone simply asks "how are you doing with conception; how are you feeling about it?" with no "witty" "expertise", and advice that they know nothing about! Wouldn't that be nice?
 
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JMChappell replied to l8dsheena's response:
I would be frsutrated too! That is an extremely rude question!! They may mean well, but they have no right asking this; when you choose or can have a child is non of their business! This puts pressure on anyone who can't or won't at this moment!
 
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JMChappell replied to JMChappell's response:
I would say " when I am expecting, if I feel it is appropriate, I will let you know, but for now, I don't feel comfortable talking about it; right now it is not your concern".=>
 
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BabyParks replied to BethAnn88's response:
what i say when they say that is, I have tried, not tried, stood on my head, stressed and not stressed been thru 4 rounds of clomid, 1 IUI a surgery and nothing so don't tell me to relax or just stop trying. Trust me we have "stopped trying" and until God says it's TIME, it will not happen for us. I know ppl think they plan things ect. but GOD has his hand in it every single time. He is the one that makes these beautiful babies here. They usually quit talking when I say that. I am not smart but it's the truth and they need to be educated before trying to just run their mouth and fix me. Sometimes people just have a harder time getting pregnant, staying pregnant ect. but again God made us that way for a reason and again decides when we all get pregnant or not.
 
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BabyParks replied to FrmGirl's response:
I love this, hahahaha I will for sure have to give this one a try. He may be leading us towards adoption too. We have a DS that is 2, what is the adoption process? I am excited to begin trying to adopt within the next few months possibly if it's time!
 
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BabyParks replied to JMChappell's response:
sorry to hear this, yes it is hard my husband says that to me often. I am like hush, I dont want to hear "it will happen" one more time. I know that's mean but good grief I know it may happen but how does he know It will happen, ya know. Anyways, I know only one person knows and I am trying to trust in him alone. My personal favorite is you have a 2 year old son who is healthy and you should just be thankful that you have him. like I am not thankful at all that I have him. Or my other is he is such a handful why would you even want anymore. Also both famous quotes from my oh so positive mother who for the longest had no idea we were TTC baby # 2 for 18 months now. I finally told her enough of her mouth we were trying and it's been hard 4 clomid cycles, 1 IUI and surgery later it's been rough and I dont need her negative remarks on top of it all. Thank you very much so just be blunt and honest is my philosophy. They want to be blunt and dish out the suggestions so I just dish out the truth back at them. I try not to be mean but gosh after a while you just have to be blunt with them. Some people just don't get it. I will never again ask someone if they are going to have children, are planning on having anymore or want kids, ect. It's just not going to be something I ever ask again.
 
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JessKSM responded:
"It will happen any time now."
"That's what you said last year."

"It will happen when it is meant to be."
"Tell that to all the women who never have children. Including my sister."

"It will happen when you stop trying."
"Like.... stop having sex? I'm pretty sure that won't work...."

"It will happen when you don't want to be pregnant."
"Yeah, because wanting a child is just a silly phase that I'll grow out of, and then one day: Wham! "Oh, what a surprise!"

"You just need to relax!"
"I'm pretty sure valium isn't what the doctor ordered."

"If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't."
"You are SO wise."

"My mom had four kids after she turned 40."
"Well, goody for HER!"

"Medical science is truly amazing these days."
[Silent glare>

From my ex-doctor, when she was still my doctor. "If you don't conceive by August, I'm doing to have to insist that you go on Clomid."
"Excuse me!?! You're going to do what now?"

"So, when are you two going to have another one? You need to get started on that, huh?"
"I'm sorry I hit you. Please don't call the police." (JK)

And my favorite, from a woman who had been TTC for 18 months and achieved a BFP:

"It's all about your lifestyle. If you are unhealthy, your body thinks you don't really want a baby. You know, you might think that your diet is pretty healthy, but it's not. Let me tell you what you need to do...."
[My husband pulled me away before I could answer her, lucky for her! ---- And, no, my diet is not unhealthy!>

It's hard to deal with insensitive people, but I try to do it with a little humor. They get the point soon enough.
 
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mlaw07 replied to JessKSM's response:
This was possibly the best thing I've read on the topic of TTC. So much better than the false hope support. It was nice to actually laugh at EXACTLY what I'm going through instead of cry! thank you. I hate feeling bitter and wanting to come back with all of these when people are trying to be helpful, or don't have a clue how hard we're trying and are unknowingly insensitive.


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