Trying to Conceive: 12 Months, Still Trying Community

I had a Dr. appointment with my OBGYN yesterday to see what our next step was going to be mainly because my endometriosis has come back even though I had my surgery last april. They took me off of the clomid for the two cycles I was waiting for my appointment until we figured out our next step. Whether it be no surgery and just go back on the clomid and continue TTC normally or with artificial insemination, or do the surgery again and go back on the clomid and TTC normally or go with artificial insemination.

It did not go as I hoped, my blood pressure was extremlely high (I think it was 185 over 120 or somewhere around there) and I have gained quite a bit of weight and am now up to 290... He gave us a couple of different options, he mainly does not want us to actvily TTC until my health and blood pressure is under control. He said I could have another surgery to remove the endometriosis and then go on LUPRON for 6 months and pray that stops it from coming back, or I could just go on the the LUPRON for 6 months and hope that it removes it and makes it not come back, or go on a strict diet with exercise and watch my blood pressure and hopefully with losing the weight my endometriosis and PCOS will handle it self and hopefully go away and then after I lose the weight and get my blood pressure under control we could start TTC again.

I know being pregnant with high blood pressure could be very risky for me and the baby and I know I need to lose weight to be healthier but it just hurts so bad that I still have to wait to have a baby. I feel like there is something that I am doing to make my health be bad, I feel like somehow its my fault. I feel so discouraged and that my dream is being ripped away because I feel that no matter what there is always going to be some issue that I can't have my child.