Trying to Conceive: 12 Months, Still Trying Community

I know exactly how you feel. I'm so sick of people asking me when I'm going to have a baby I could spit nails! Growing up, when I would play with my friends....they would pretend to be teachers, or doctors. I would always pretend to be a "mommy". It's all I've ever wanted. I couldn't wait to get married and have a family. Little did I know it would be so difficult and sad. It's been two years and I'm just tired of trying...

I feel you girls, but what can we do? I just float through it like it's some ongoing dream. Everyday berating myself that it's something I'm doing that is causing this and everyday repeating that it's not my fault.

Yes, the fertile world is full of ignorance and insensitivity. I know we are supposed to talk about this stuff to let our emotions out, but I hate the looks people give when I share. It's like they're reading some tabloid drama that they can't look away from. There's a sick fascination, a prying for details, and then a false empathy. After my failed IUI last month I got a text from one friend that just said " Well...?!". Are you kidding me.

I've decided since then that the only people I'm talking to about this are my DH and right here- in this forum. You are the only ones that understand and the only source of viable information (since sleeping with a wooden spoon under our bed is not actually going to do a damn thing).

We may want to quit, and that is a valid choice. We may choose to stay active, and that's a choice. We may do neither, but that's a choice too. Either way, what we're feeling in this moment is already over, and the new moment brings just the slightest, most infinite possibility of change.

I'm right there with you guys. We haven't told very many people what's going on so I get a lot of people asking when we're going to have a baby. Everyone around me is having babies, seriously 3 new niece and nephews and 6 babies at work out of 28 people! My sister went through all this and has a beautiful baby girl so she's really good to call and talk to. My sister-in-law didn't have trouble getting pregnant but had 2 miscarriages before her perfect little boy so she's been good to talk to also. My biggest shock has been my best friend. She hasn't started TTC yet so she doesn't understand what I'm going through and she says all the wrong things and upsets me to the point I've been trying not to discuss it with her. It's really driving a wedge between us and I don't know what to do about it. Hopefully we'll all be able to move on soon to enjoying every minute of pregnancy.

I do the same to myself. Then recently my husband has been like do this do that.. like, he really knows. One of his friends told him things to do. It made me irritated, honestly. Like, I have been really trying to do this for the last 20 months.. and all he has been doing is having sex. lol Just because his friend got pregnant on the first try.. doesn't mean that the same things will work for me. I was not ovulating. The people that do know don't really ask anymore. But, there are always new people asking when we are going too have a baby all the time. Unless you hear me say.. "I don't want kids.. I can't stand kids" then maybe you should realize that after 8 years and being married more than a year now.. we might actually be trying. I know people don't mean disrespect when they ask when it's going to happen.. it's the questions that come after wards that bother me.
I really don't want to quit trying. I wan't to be actively trying.. I just wish I could stop thinking about it all the time. Non stop.

I really dont get the idiot people anymore asking me when we will be having a baby. After about a year or two, family and friends would ask because it was like all of my friends either had kids, about to have kids or were a few months along in their pregnancy. And the day I found out we had MFIF I had to attend my best friends baby shower, I was the host. It was so hard, towards the end I was upset and had to excuse myself to go somewhere and cry for a few minutes. I have felt heartbreak before, but the thought I may go through the rest of my life without experiencing life inside me but watching everyone else go through it was gut ripping.

But I am very open with everyone who asks, I say "we're having issues and we are seeking medical assistance". That usually illicits one or two responses. They either shut up and move on to the next top or they ask questions. Which I am happy to answer. But before preceding, I say, don't tell me to relax or it will happen on its on, or you went 6 months until you got pregnant. Im pushing 4 years almost, its not going to happen on its own. And that usually does it. Never brings it up again.

People who haven't seen me and really just want to know, I tell them we are working on it. I just try my best to realize that they don't know any better and its my job to educate them if its worth my time. Most of the time, I people I educate are family members or really close friends who are my family. And I know they care and love me and just are concerned.

But it has been hard, that is why I believe forums like this we are able to talk, discuss and share our experiences in order to get the truth on the real struggles of women who are trying to conceive. Or, in a week or so, I am going to start a personal blog, where I journal my experience and hopefully when I conceive I will turn it into a child's story so that when I read to my child, they will have a personal story on how they became "mommies little one".

So now I don't feel like I'm crazy! Every month that goes bye makes me feel like I'm at a loss. I hate listening to people who just had their tiny baby tell me that it will just happen and that I'm most likely stressing myself out and to just give it time. My husband and I have been just going with the flow for a year and have now been actively trying for just shy of a year. I only told my mom and sister when we attempted IUI and clomid. but I feel that since there's so little support with friends I kept it under wraps. Every month I have my period I try to tell my self that it might be early pg symptoms then cry when it comes full force. Then I find another crazy thing that we might try.

It's sad that there are so many of us going through this, yet we feel so alone in our daily lives with it.
I am glad I started this thread.. it has felt good to read everyone's replies. It's reassuring to know that I am not alone.

I'm glad to know there other people out there who really do know what I go through. My husband and I have been ttc for 1 1/2 yrs now and have just found out the reason and that there is a huge possibility we may never be able to have kids. I feel bad that I feel jealous when I see friends and family so happy getting pregnant and going through the emotions. I don't want to feel this way. The person I am most upset with is my mother who thinks it is pathetic that I am upset and depressed about it all. And of course all the people who just keep telling you "it will eventually happen" or "you just need to relax and forget about trying and that's when it will happen"! Thank you for starting this thread. It is a great place to release.

Just wanted to say that I am glad I'm not alone...my hubby and I have been TTC for 1 1/2 years and it is very frustrating to watch the months go by with no good news. I find myself lying to people who inquire why we haven't had any children yet, etc... My typical response is "no baby plans yet" or "we are just enjoying life right now" or some generic response like that. People are very ignorant and don't understand that it doesn't happen so easily for everyone. Neither my hubby nor I have told our family that we have been trying for this long, we have only told a few close friends. I dread the day my mother in law finds out we are having problems... She has been dropping the not-so-subtle hints, watching me like a hawk when we are out for dinner to see what I order for a drink (I quickly caught on she was doing this and ordered water 6 or 7 times in a row, then the 8th time a martini... He he he). Guess the toughest part of all is everyone on my side of the family is uber-fertile and I don't want everyone's fake pity. I'm going for an HSG test next week, hubby is getting his sperm tested, then meeting with a fertility specialist next month, and will take it from there. It has been a long road, and it is only the start, but at least I know I'm not alone. I am sick of always putting on a brave front... Just have to keep going and see how everything plays out. Thanks to whomever started thread... Feels good to vent!!

Good! Vent all you want. That's what these boards are for. So we can talk it out and get helpful info from other ladies. I got into touch with an old friend the other day and we started talking about ttc.. she is in the same boat as me and it felt so good to get that all out! She understood everything I was saying.. it was amazing to talk about it to someone face to face. I wish this wasn't so hard.. for all of us

this is exactly how i am fewling at this exact moment

I know exactly how all of you feel...I just turned 32...had a miscarriage about 2 years ago...and haven't been able to get pregnant since...it's really frustrating...especially when you have a sister-in-law that keeps shoving in your face how she "can't help being young and fertile" and making stupid comments like that out of the blue just to purposely hurt you...bleh!!!!! I just keep praying for that month when my wish will come true. I'm considering going to a doc...should I talk to my gyno first or skip to a fertility specialist...?