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Need advice form TTC "Part 2"
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AndThenThereWereThree posted:
Part 2
If you have just clicked on this discussion please be sure you read part 1 first.
I love my sister very much but I also love my husband and would like to have another kid too. So I decided we could start trying thinking it could take a while and may not even happen given my family history. So yes you guessed it I got pg our 3rd try. Even though I am very grateful to not have to go through the pain that all you ladies do. I feel guilty and am scared to tell my sis my husbans want to tell people. I have convinced to wait until I am at least 3 mo. again due to our family history of mc. OK I lied the real reason is it is due to I do not want to hurt her and put her through that kind of pain until I know forsure this baby is going to stick. I just have this fear that it's my turn in our family history. I should be excited and I am but it is very bitter sweeet. Mostly I want my BF, I want to tell her as most people would confide in their BF with such a secrete as this.
So what I am asking for is sensitive advice on how to handle this. When to tell? How to tell? And how to make my DH be sensitive and understan. I don't want to hurt her. I am crying as I write this and it is not just the hormones, she really is my best friend I just need her and obviously I can't go to her with this problem. Please help me. Can you please try to put yourselves in her shoes, as you can relate and tell me how you would want your BF and sis to tell you. I do not want to loose her as my BF let along my sis. If you need more info please ask any Q's I don't mind I just need real answers from understanding people.
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MickieMouse2000 responded:
I had 1 mc 2 years ago and have not been lucky since then, my cousin and his wife are getting ready to celebrate their daughters 1st birthday (our children would have been born close to the same time). They weren't even trying when she conceived. I was sooo happy for my cousin, we have always been really close.

I agree with you to wait until 3 mo., why tempt fate. You should get your sister by yourselves and tell her before anybody else. You don't want her to hear it from someone else. You will already be subdued, since I can tell this is killing you. Be supportive for her, keep her positive. Your sister will be happy for you, she is your sister. Try explaining to your husband it's like knowing you have a time limit on something you really want and seeing someone else achieve that goal easily, while it takes you multiple tries with no success is very sad and depressing (if he likes sports put it into the context of a younger brother winning a championship).
 
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AndThenThereWereThree replied to MickieMouse2000's response:
Thank you so much for responding I was begining to think I made a bad move asking this board. I really appreciate your advice. I am sure she will be happy, but I know it will hurt too. Perhaps her clomid will help and she will get prego before I even have to tell her. At least thats what I'm hopping for.

My DH is not a sports fan but he very much likes analogies. I think that will help. Thanks
 
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jenkoelenko responded:
I've been trying for over 5 years to get pregnant, getting pregnant after 4 1/2 years only to mc at 10 weeks. I found out I was pregnant a couple days after my sister mc'd, and then she found out she was pregnant (her 4th kid) a week or so after I mc'd. I found out through the rest of the family about her new pregnancy, not from her. I knew that she had witheld the news from me directly because she understood a small portion of how I felt, but I also wish she would have been the one who told me. It was 3 months ago this all happened, I say that to illustrate that it is still a very fresh heartache. While I am sad that I'm not pregnant with her, I am excited for her. I love her and I want her to be happy. You've already shown yourself to truly have your sister's interest at heart. I agree with you in waiting until the beginning of your 2nd trimester, and I agree with mickiemouse that talking alone with her in particular, before making a family announcement. That shows a great degree of respect and caring for her. Keep supporting her. good luck and hoping your baby continues to stick!!!
 
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jhetsmom responded:
I have 2 sisters as well. I am the youngest. Both my sisters have 2 and 3 children. I found out about my pregnancy 2 months after sister #1 delivered her youngest son. At 34 weeks for me, my sister became pg again. She made an appointment for the same day as my 36 week. I went to hers at 9 and she was going to come to mine at 11. The doctor had her come in at the beginning of the week for blood work to check hormones and then again on the day of the appointment. The hormones had dropped and the u/s showed no heart beat. My sister and I both cried in that room for 30 minutes. I felt so selfish to ask her to come see my u/s that day because of what she was going through. I said I understood if she wanted to be with her DS and DD instead and she said no. She still came with me to my app and held my hand when I got terrifying news that my baby was breech and I was dilated to 3-4. She drove me to the hospital, and waited until my mom came up then went home. She came back when they needed to do the emergency c section because his foot was in the birth canal and had dilated me to a 7 within 2 hours from when I was last checked at the DRs.
I will never forget that time my sister held my hand and prayed for my son and I. Knowing what she was going through and dealing with it in such an amazing way has brought us closer than we ever were. She knew that whats important is being there for family and being supportive. Im sure your sister feels the same. In honesty, I would share with just her now. Ask her not to tell others until you know for sure but allow her the opportunity to be more of part in your pg, Ask her for the support and blessing until everything is set in stone so to speak. She will undoubtedly cherish the trust and respect you are showing her by involving her.
 
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AndThenThereWereThree replied to jhetsmom's response:
Thank you so much ladies, I am very great full for all the advice. However I am still undecided as to when to tell her. I will try to keep you all posted. Thanks


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